


Seeds Of Yesterday • baekhyun x chanyeol

by abnegative



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 08:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 45,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abnegative/pseuds/abnegative
Summary: [complete] Two best friends, inseparable through their childhood, torn apart before they've even grown up. Will they be able to find a way to rekindle their friendship or will Chanyeol's brother stand in the way?





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Chanyeol's phone was buzzing insistently. He wasn't sure if it was the alarm or the phone ringing or even what time it was. He'd had a big night the night before and had no intention of waking up with the early morning light blistering through his eyelids.

 

He grabbed the phone. 4 missed calls from Kyungsoo, his handsome actor boyfriend, on location in Dubai shooting a movie. 2 missed calls from his Manager Suho. One from his mother. He didn't want to deal with any of them. His hangover was destroying him and his head pounded. The phone rang again and he had to answer.

 

"Hi babe." He said as he saw Kyungsoo's face flash up on the screen. "It's too early for FaceTime." Kyungsoo looked fantastic. Chanyeol knew he looked like shit. "Well it's 6am here and it's the only time I have today." The shoot was entering its 4th week and Chanyeol couldn't admit to himself he hadn't missed Kyungsoo as much as he thought he would. "You look great." Chanyeol smiled through half open lids. "Nice army uniform." Kyungsoo panned the camera up and down his body before grinning his bright and beautiful smile at his boyfriend. "You like it? Maybe I can bring it home as a souvenir." Chanyeol chuckled and rubbed his eyes as someone called out to Kyungsoo in the distance. "Gotta go. I'll try and catch you again tomorrow but I might be out of any sort of phone service." Kyungsoo said. "It's fine. Call when you can." And Kyungsoo was gone. Chanyeol sighed and put the phone down. He really loved Kyungsoo and couldn't wait until he came home.

 

The launch party for his second album had gone well. His first was critically acclaimed and did reasonably well on the charts. His second had a high number of presales and was tipped to be the big hit of the summer. Which is why this family reunion couldn't have come along at a worse time. He bit the bullet and phoned his mother. She was insistent that he come. "Take a week off Chanyeol. Take two even. We haven't seen you for a year." He sighed into the phone. "I'll talk to Suho about it." He said before hanging up.

 

 

 

 

"You've got to be kidding." Suho groaned into the phone. "Your album drops tonight at midnight and you're asking to take a week off? Or more?" The reaction wasn't unexpected. Chanyeol sighed. "I only have promotions this week. Then I can go for a week. I'll do phone interviews. I'll come back into the city if things come up. Come on Suho it's only a week, ten days maximum, and I kind of need to do this." The sigh of resignation was Suho's indication of permission. Chanyeol hung up the phone and tried to go back to sleep. A gnawing feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. He lied and told himself he was only doing this for his family but deep down inside he knew there was a part of himself that wanted to go back.

 

A few days later Chanyeol packed two huge designer suitcases and his old duffel bag into the back of his luxury grey SUV. He pulled his dark sunglasses down and settled in for the two hour drive down the highway. He cranked the radio loud and sipped at his huge takeway coffee and prepared himself to go home.

 

 

 

 

 

He pulled up in the driveway of a big white house at the end of a long dirt road. He silently cursed the layer of dust and dirt covering his pride and joy. Before he could even knock at the door he was set upon by his family, mum and dad and brother, grandparents and cousins and even some people he didn't know. "You're here at last!" His mum covered Chanyeol in kisses while his dad shook his hand. Chanyeol hugged everyone and went back to the car to get his cases.

 

As he dragged them towards the house his brother came to help. "You brought a lot of stuff!" Chanyeol's brother, Sehun, eyed the expensive cases judgementally. "So?" Chanyeol snapped back. It wasn't that the brothers didn't get along. They just didn't have anything in common. Where Chanyeol was outgoing Sehun was quiet. Where Chanyeol hated school and anything academic Sehun was happy at University doing a double degree in Ecology and Conservation Biology. As brothers they couldn't be more different.

 

As their mother rushed through dinner Chanyeol got a feeling something was up with everyone, like there was some sort of secret being kept from him, an air of something lingering in the atmosphere. "So Chanyeol. You must be happy. Your song is climbing up the charts." Chanyeol swallowed his rice. "Yeah. I'm happy. Ive also got an offer to model for Vogue and it may end up being a cover." Sehun choked on his drink and Chanyeol shot him a dirty look. "What?" Sehun laughed. "You? Modelling? They going to photoshop your ears out?" Their dad stifled a laugh as their mum frowned at both boys. "Can you just try to get along while we're all together. Its ten days." Chanyeol sighed and went back to his food. He missed his mums cooking. Living in Seoul, being busy all the time, the constant pressure to maintain his physique took its toll on his diet. He silently envied Sehun who was going for a third serve of rice without even thinking about it.

 

When the dinner was done Chanyeol stood up and began to help clear the table. "Can I go?" Sehun asked their mum quietly and she nodded yes. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and headed towards the hall to grab his jacket and keys. "Where's he going?" Chanyeol asked as the door slammed behind him. Chaneyol's mum shuffled awkwardly in the kitchen. "He's got a date, sweetie, but he didn't want you to know." "Why?" Chanyeol was instantly irritated. His brother was so annoying, everything he did pissed him off, and now he was hiding things? "Because he knew you'd be mad. He's taking out Baekhyun"

 

 

Baekhyun...

 

 

 

 

"Really? Sehun is going out on a date with Baekhyun? My best friend Baekhyun?" Chanyeol was incredulous. The nerve of his brother. He could have at least said something. "Honey, don't be mad at him. You and Baekhyun haven't spoken in years." She said as she tried to soothe Chanyeol's irritation. "But he's married now!" The last time Chanyeol had seen Baekhyun it was a picture of him smiling in a suit with Taeyon by his side in a long white dress. His mum had saved the clipping from the local paper. Chanyeol had been hurt when he wasn't even invited but he understood why. Things had gone wrong between them so long ago. And so Jongdae had stood by his side as Baekhyun married his childhood sweetheart and Chanyeol sat alone in his luxury apartment in Seoul.

 

"Divorced." Chanyeols mum said. "He's been divorced for six months. Taeyon left him when he gave up his law practice to take over the nursery when his Dad got sick." Chanyeol's head was spinning. His dad was sick? He was divorced? He felt like he had missed out on so much by not coming home. But Baekhyun didn't want him around anymore anyway. He had made that pretty clear the last time they spoke.

 

That night as Chaneyol lay awake and waited for the sound of Sehun coming home all he could think about was the damage that had been done. All the hurt and the pain, the broken friendship, the loss of his best friend from his life. Something long forgotten inside him began to reignite, the flame of something barely there, a memory of a time when they were always together.

 

Finally, just after midnight, Chanyeol heard the front door close. Sehun was home. But Chanyeol still tossed and turned as sleep eluded him. And when he finally closed his eyes and began to relax he dreamed of roses and lavender and soft brown eyes that haunted him every night for the last 8 years.


	2. Chapter 2

 

As he took his morning coffee out onto the back deck Chanyeol could feel the tension in the air. He and Sehun were at a standoff, a stalemate, over this Baekhyun issue. He couldn't believe that his own brother would do this. And Baekhyun must have had at least an inkling after what went on between them that this would hurt Chanyeol. He sipped his coffee in quiet contemplation until Sehun joined him outside.

 

"Have a good time last night?" Chanyeol eyed him with a cold and calm expression that belied the fire building inside him. "Yeah. We did have a good time." Sehun responded with his own cold fire. They sat in silence before Chanyeol finally broke it. "Were you just going to try and hide it forever? You knew I would be hurt. You knew it Sehun and you didn't give a shit."

 

Chanyeol slammed his empty coffee cup down on the table and stormed inside and straight into the arms of his Mum. "Calm down honey." She said but Chanyeol already had the fire building inside him and it was threatening to boil over. "Calm down? After everything that happened you want me to calm down?" His fire turned to pain and he began to shake before pulling himself together and out of his mums arms. "I'm fine. Sehun can date whoever he wants. So can Baekhyun. They're adults. They can do whatever they want."

 

He stormed up to his room and found comfort in the space that used to provide him with the solace he needed in his teenage years. Growing up gay in a small town had been hard to deal with and he had struggled so much with hiding who he really was. Having a gay brother didn't give Chaneyol the sort of comfort and camaraderie you would expect. Instead of drawing them together the two brothers had always been distant. Sehun had always been the handsome one, the smart one, and the popular one. All Chanyeol had was his music and Baekhyun. And his secret. When his secret had been exposed during his final days of school he lost everything.

 

 

He laid on the bed with the pillow over his face just as he had all those years ago, 8 years to be exact, and called out "Go away!" when there was a knock at the door. "It's me." His mum's soft voice called through the door and she walked in without heeding his word. "Chanyeol. Why don't you just go and see him? It's obvious you miss him. Maybe he feels the same way?" Her voice was soothing but Chanyeol just shook his head. He felt like a child again in his childhood room, in his childhood home, being admonished by his mother like a ten year old. "Well why don't you at least get out of the house. Go into town and look around. See what's changed and what's the same." Getting out sounded like a good distraction.

 

He showered and dressed in his new designer clothes gifted to him personally by the designer himself. He laughed as he slipped into the thousand dollar jeans and soft black cashmere sweater. Clothes were gifted to him regularly so they were photographed but there would be no paparazzi where he was going. He styled his hair and grabbed dark sunglasses. No use trying to hide his identity with a cap or a mask. Everyone here knew who he was.

 

Chanyeol parked his car and got out to walk the strip of shops that made up the entire economy of the town. Everyone stared at him as he strolled as casually as he could past the town's one bar, one supermarket, one pharmacy. A few people stopped him to talk, friends of his mums, a few giggling schoolgirls looking for autographs. He slipped into the supermarket and bought a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. He had quit smoking ever since he started seeing Kyungsoo. The other man despised his habit but he was on the other side of the world and Chanyeol wanted something to do. Chanyeol lit a cigarette and dragged on it casually as he continued to walk the length of the main road. He forgot how innately boring this town was. It wasn't even the lack of shops or activities. It was the nature of the place, nothing changed, nothing was alive or vibrant or interesting.

 

 

Before he even realised where he was going he had found the one thing in the street full of colour and life. It was located right down the end of the strip of shops. Byun's Nursery. He walked slowly past the high chicken wire fence and looked in. The inside of the fence was covered with shade cloth but Chanyeol's height meant he could easily see over the top. Fruit trees and conifers and hardy roses were all lined up in the sun, their delicate baby branches waving in the soft breeze, and the sight brought Chanyeol right back to his childhood.

 

 

—————

 

 

_"Shhhh" Baekhyun whispered to a giggling Chanyeol as they pushed a few of the pots forward. The pine scent of conifers invaded Chanyeol's nose as he and Baekhyun hid themselves up the back of the outdoor section of the nursery. Baekhyun had been quick enough to snatch one of the chocolate bars they kept on the counter of the nursery shop while his Mums back was turned and the two friends had took off like little rockets._

_Baekhyun opened the packet and snapped the bar of caramel filled chocolate in half and they filled their mouths with the stolen sweet treat, caramel dripping down their chins, the rich creamy chocolate melting quickly on their hands in the late summer sun. The boys had spent almost the entire summer holidays barefoot and shirtless 'helping' Baekhyun's parents in the nursery. Helping consisted of watering themselves more than the plants, trying to catch the canaries and quails that avoided them in the big aviary, and stealing whatever treats they could get their hands on from inside the nursery shop._

 

_Baekhyun had already turned twelve and was an inch taller than his best friend who was still eleven. Both boys were skinny as sticks and tanned from the freedom of their school holidays. "Want to sleep over tonight?" Chanyeol asked as Baekhyun shoved the last of his chocolate in and wiped his hands on his shorts. "Yeah. Do you think your mum will let us get movies?" Chanyeol nodded. DVDs had not yet made their way to the small town's video shop and Chanyeol knew his mum would spring them the $5 they would need to rent a few action movies on VHS. They would fall asleep on the sofa bed in the living room and wake up with the dawn to run back to the nursery. It had been the best summer ever._

 

 

—————

 

 

As he looked over the shade cloth into the second home of his childhood Chanyeol felt suddenly overwhelmed. He pulled another cigarette out and lit it while he watched a few people wander amongst the healthy looking plants. He hoped for the sake of Mr and Mrs Byun that business was strong. He couldn't stand the thought of them struggling financially. Small business was a hard way to make a living and Baekhyun's law practice was probably helping support them but now.....

 

He was abruptly snapped out of his thoughts when a small dark haired man walked through the rows of roses to speak with the customers. He was wearing a short sleeved polo shirt and a pair of shorts, his short height and slim figure giving away nothing of the last eight years, his shining hair dark and a little too long as it blew gently in the breeze. It was him and he looked exactly the same as Chanyeol remembered.

 

Beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

Chanyeol stepped into the café and ordered a pot of tea. His hands were shaking and he needed some time to get himself together. His nerves were shattered by his past sneaking up on him and he sat outside in the sun with the tea in front of him and another cigarette in his hand.

 

"Chanyeol?" A familiar voice snapped him out of his daydream and he looked up and into the eyes of Kim Minsoek. "Hey Minsoek." Chanyeol stood and allowed the shorter man to pull him into a warm and genuine hug. "How have you been?" Chanyeol knew he wouldn't be able to avoid them forever. He smiled at the dark haired man as they broke apart. "I've been good. What about you?" He indicated the spare seat for Minseok to join him but he shook his head. "Sorry. I'm on my lunch break so I can't stop. Are you staying at your parents house?" Chanyeol nodded that he was and Minseok continued on down the street. "I'll call by later!" Chanyeol smiled but inside he sighed with dread. He knew it was a small town and he wouldn't be able to hide from their questions for long.

 

He finished his tea and recovered his nerves. He walked back up the end of the street towards his car and was once again filled with memories. The video store where they used to walk out with Bruce Lee and Sylvester Stallone movies piled high in their arms was now a clothes shop. The icecream parlour where they took their first dates was still there. There was an antique store filled with local art where the bookstore used to be. Chanyeol laughed when he thought of how much Kyungsoo and his hipster friends would love it here. He hated everything about this town. Everything but one person who had shining dark hair and shining dark eyes and the smell of lavender always around him.

 

 

 

 

"Enjoy your outing?" His mum asked as soon as he walked in. "It was okay." Chanyeol said nonchalantly. "You smell like cigarettes. I thought you quit." 26 years old and still nothing got past his mum. "I'm on holidays Mum." He smiled at her with his most winning grin. "I'm trying to relax." She turned back to her baking while he looked in the fridge and came up with a can of coke. "Minsoek might come past later." He said as he cracked the can open. "That's nice. Did you go past the nursery?" Chanyeol shook his head. "You should." His mum quietly admonished him. "Baekhyun's parents would love to see you. Baekhyun probably would too." Chanyeol sighed and walked outside. He didn't want to hear it.

 

The knock on the door came soon after dinner. "Minseok!" Chaneyol heard his mum welcome the man into the house. "Chanyeol is in the living room." "Thanks Mrs Park." Minsoek said before joining Chanyeol on the couch. "So. Eight years hey...." Chanyeol felt a little ashamed of himself and his cheeks flushed as he stared at the floor. "Sorry. I should have called or came back. If it wasn't for shitty social media we probably wouldn't have a clue about each other's lives." Chanyeol picked at the fluffy cushion in his lap while he avoided the elephant in the room.

 

"So a librarian. That's pretty cool." Chanyeol said as Minsoek grinned. "Yeah. I've completed my Masters and I'm thinking about going on to do my PHD." Chanyeol glowed with pride over how smart his friend was. "A doctor of books. Wow Minsoek. That's actually pretty awesome!"

 

"What about you? Famous singer, top of the charts, famous actor boyfriend." Minsoek's eyes glittered as he teased Chanyeol. "And soon to be model. My agency hasn't announced it yet but I'm going to be in Vogue!" Chanyeol announced proudly as both men laughed. Chanyeol's awkward teenage years weren't yet forgotten. He had been tall and skinny with big ears and big clumsy feet and modelling was the last thing anyone ever thought he would end up doing.

 

Finally Minseok broached the subject they had both been talking around for an hour. "He'll find out you're here soon enough Chanyeol . You might as well just go and see him." Tears filled Chanyeol's eyes. "After the way we left things? How can I Minseok? And then I get here to find out he's dating my brother. My own fucking brother." Chanyeol got up and grabbed his cigarette packed and walked outside with Minseok following him.

 

"What do you mean he's dating your brother?" Chanyeol lit the cigarette and drew back deeply before exhaling into the cool night air. "I'm telling you he's dating my brother. Sehun took him out last night and it wasn't the first time. I don't know how long it's been going on Minseok but he couldn't resist. He's always got to outdo me."

 

Chanyeol stared out at the huge yard. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked down at the beautiful soothing face of his childhood friend. "Well Sehun doesn't have a number one single or a Vogue cover." Minseok's eyes sparkled in the light of the porch as he tried to convey his empathy. "Anyway why does it matter if they go out?" Minseok asked. "Anyone would think you were jealous Chanyeol. Don't you have a boyfriend?" Chanyeol sighed and started laughing. "Yeah. But he's on the other side of the world and out of phone range. And I've got this thrown right in front of me Minseok."

 

"Tell me about your boyfriend." Minsoek sat down on the ageing furniture outside and Chaneyol sat too. "He's great. He's handsome and talented and well connected. He's shooting a movie at the moment. It's a big break for him. He's shooting alongside Kim Jongin would you believe? He was so excited. Anyway, its keeping him really busy, he hardly has time to call and it's not a big deal because im pretty busy too...." Chanyeol butted out his cigarette and tossed the butt on the grass. His mum would spot it in the morning and give him a hard time about it but he couldn't be bothererd picking it up.

 

"So tell me about what's been happening. What's wrong with Baekhyun's Dad?" Chanyeol had to ask and Minseok sighed. "It's brain cancer Chanyeol. He started having headaches, then he had a seizure, and he just went downhill really fast after he was diagnosed. Now Baekhyun's mum cares for him as well as helps out in the nursery and Baekhyun gave up his law practice. He couldn't stand to see them sell the nursery or let it go under. He knows how much that place means to them."

 

Minseok thought carefully before continuing. "When he gave the practice up Taeyeon left him. I wish I could say I can't believe she would do that to him. But honestly Jongdae and I were kind of glad. At least they didn't have any kids. And the thing is, he was so crushed at first with her leaving and his Dad so sick, but now he seems happier than ever.I don't know why he even became a lawyer in the first place."

 

 

——-

 

 

_A shiny black car pulled up alongside their school. Rumours about a new kid moving from the city had been rife amongst the kids and their parents during the holidays. The town had been without a lawyer for a few years since old Mr Choi died and Baekhyun and Chanyeol, just starting their first year of middle school, were as curious as the rest about the new lawyer in town and his family._

_They hung around near the fence waiting to see who would get out of the expensive looking car. When the door swung open a girl got out. She was petite and dark, her long hair shiny and her eyes big and heavily lashed. She was well dressed and carried a luxury brand schoolbag the likes of which the other kidscould never hope to have. She looked like she came straight from the pages of a teen magazine._

 

_Chanyeol rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag. A girl, and worse, a fussy looking girl who looked too pretty and too clean to be any fun. "Lets go." He said to Baekhyun and was confused when he saw the other boy transfixed to the spot. While Chanyeol was unimpressed Baekhyun was the opposite. She was the most beautiful thing Baekhyun had ever seen._

 

 

 

——-

 

 

 

Chanyeol snapped out of his memories and lit another cigarette. "I do." He said quietly. "Do what?" Minseok was confused and Chanyeol wondered how long he had been lost in his memory. "I know why he became a lawyer." Chanyeol said sadly. He wondered why Minseok seemed happy about Baekhyun's divorce. He had always imagined Baekhyun as the model husband, working all day in his practice wearing nice suits, coming home to the respite of his beautiful wife's arms at the end of every day. 

 

This was why he never came home. Everywhere he looked memories haunted him. He hated this place and couldn't wait to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

Chanyeol woke up to fourteen text messages and four missed calls. "You're number one Chanyeol!" Suho screamed down the phone at him. "Come home!" Chanyeol couldn't. His mum had organised a big barbeque for the evening as part of this family reunion and he had to be there. He conceded to phone interviews and promised he would drive back to the city the next morning. He spent all day made up and well dressed. He did phone interviews and a few by skype. It wasn't ideal but it was the best he could do.

 

When he finally emerged from his childhood room he found the house in chaos. Kids were running everywhere downstairs, most of the adults were crowded around a few huge spits outside, and of course his mum was the centre of everything. She was baking and moving salads, cutting bread and bossing everyone around. Sehun was in his position as the ideal son, his apron streaked with grease and his shirt sleeves turned up to his elbows, a beer in his hand as he came inside for a tray. "I'm going to start cutting some of the meat soon." He said and Chanyeol watched his mum glow with pride. "My single is number one." Chanyeol said from the doorway and he got a smile from his mum and no acknowledgement from his brother. That was his manner though. Chanyeol chuckled to himself as he remembered Sehun's stone faced expressions on every birthday, Christmas and other events calling for excitement. Not much made him crack a smile.

 

"Chanyeol. Sehun asked if he could invite Baekhyun for the barbeque and I said yes." Chanyeol's mum whispered to him in the kitchen when Sehun walked out. "I just thought I should warn you." Chanyeol instantly went cold. He should have went back to the city.

 

He pretended to be nonchalant as he went back upstairs to check his appearance. He had a light layer of makeup necessary to avoid an awful shine during his interviews. He had added a little eye makeup and styled his hair up and off his forehead. He inspected himself carefully and decided he looked fine. He didn't have time to shower and start over anyway. His sweater was black cashmere and worth more than his first car. His jeans were Hilfiger and he knew no one at the barbeque would even have a clue what that was. He pushed his sleeves up so his Rolex was visible. Even an idiot could see how expensive it was. He wasn't even sure why it mattered. Who was he trying to impress?

 

With the crowd that had gathered he was confident he would probably be able to avoid Baekhyun anyway. The house was big and the yard was big and still it seemed like it was overflowing with people. Everyone in the family was here, people had brought people, cousins he hadn't seen for ten years were married now and he had no idea who any of the kids belonged to.

 

Chanyeol gathered all of his nerve and went back downstairs. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and wandered outside. He joined his Dad and a few uncles in conversation but they were discussing the politics behind Chanyeol's Dad's re-election as President of the local soccer club and Chanyeol found himself out of his element. He considered helping Sehun with the barbeque but he didn't want to get grease on his clothes. He wondered if it was too late to invite Minsoek. In a party full of his closest family Chanyeol felt totally alone. He had been gone for too long, this was no longer his world, and there was no place for him. Defeated, Chanyeol took his beer, and wandered around to the side of the house to sneak a cigarette away from the judgemental eyes of his Mum. He put the beer down, put the cigarette to his mouth, and lit it drawing deeply. Chanyeol closed his eyes as he exhaled slowly and enjoyed the rush of nicotine into his body.

 

"You know those are bad for you." The voice seemed to come from nowhere but when Chanyeol opened his eyes there he was. His first crush, his best friend, his soulmate. The love of his life.

 

Byun Baekhyun.

 

He didn't look a day older. It was like the last 8 years never happened. His hair was still worn a little too long and his skin glowed with the gentle magic of someone who lived a healthy relaxed lifestyle. His eyes met Chanyeol's and Chanyeol stared back mesmerised. He frantically thought of the words to say but his mind was blank. What do you say to the person who broke your heart? The person who destroyed you without a word, without a reason, without even knowing? The person who you ran away from and tried to push out of your memories?

 

"Hi Baekhyun. It's been a long time." He said. The obvious and easiest conversation starter. "8 years." Baekhyun replied. He moved closer to Chanyeol making the taller's heart skip a beat. For a split second Chanyeol thought he was going to move in for a hug but instead the short man just walked past him towards the back of the house. Chanyeol knew he was going to look for Sehun.

 

"Wait." He said impulsively and Baekhyun turned back towards him. Chanyeol had been so nervous to see him, he had desperately wanted to avoid Baekhyun, but now that he was right here in front of him he wanted him to stay. "Cant we at least talk for a bit?" The desperation in his voice surprised Chanyeol but Baekhyun just turned to him with tears glittering in his eyes. "Talk? What is there to say? You leave without saying goodbye and then just turn up 8 years later? And I have to find out from Minsoek that you're here in town?" Chanyeol could see the hurt and the pain behind the sparkling dark irises that had haunted him the last 8 years. "I'm sorry. Ok? Im sorry for everything." Baekhyun sighed. "Yeah well I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that ive had to spend the last 8 years reading about your amazing life. Travelling all over the world, hit songs, handsome actor boyfriend and money to burn. While I've been stuck here with my life slowly falling apart. And it all started the day my best friend abandoned me." He turned again and began to walk away.

 

Chanyeol reached out and grabbed Baekhyun's hand. It was small and delicate in his own thick calloused fingers. His skin was soft and white and Chanyeol could see the soil under his nails, the remnants of a hard day's work, the telltale sign of his changed life. He stared down at the hand inside his and his mind wandered back to a time when he never thought he would have to let go.

 

 

——-

 

 

_"I'm scared." Chanyeol whispered. They were lined up on the bridge with the other boys who were all taking it in turns to jump off and into the river. The water level had dropped and it was higher than it looked from the riverbank. All the other boys were looking at them and Chanyeol knew he had to do it or he would never live it down._

_His breathing quickened and his chest heaved when he suddenly felt warmth. He looked down to see Baekhyun's hand in his. "We'll jump together. Just hold on to me and don't let go and everything will be fine." Baekhyun squeezed Chanyeol's hand tight and Chanyeol relaxed. He believed his words. As long as they had each other everthing would be fine. "One. Two. Three..." Baekhyun whispered and they jumped. Water rushed up to meet them, filling Chanyeol's eyes with darkness and his nose with the burning sensation of suffocation, but when his head finally broke the surface Baekhyun had kept his word. He hadn't let go and everything was alright. They did it._

 

 

——-

 

 

Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun's hand in his and the other finally pulled away. "I have to go see Sehun." Baekhyun said as he turned and walked away. The last time it was Chanyeol walking away from him, and now the tables had turned, and Chanyeol could only watch as his true love walked away from him and into the arms of his brother.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

The next morning Chanyeol got up, got dressed, and got out of town as quick as he could. Suho had scheduled interviews and appearances and he had his shoot for Vogue scheduled for the next day. He couldn't wait to leave.

 

The night before he had overeaten to try and negate the effect of watching Sehun and Baekhyun enjoying an open flirty affection at the barbeque. Baekhyun had fetched beers while Sehun cooked and Sehun had served up the nicest cuts of meat to the short man smiling up at him. Chanyeol hid his envy with a pile of meat, too many carbs, and way too many beers. He swallowed two painkillers with the takeaway coffee he purchased with his petrol and drove home.

 

As soon as he got into the city he felt like himself again. Fansites were waiting outside his building and snapped pictures of him as he rushed inside. Here, in the concrete jungle that was his natural habitat, he hid himself behind dark glasses and dark caps. This was where he hid who he really was.

 

He set his alarm for 12pm and climbed into his king size bed. It was only then that he realised he was sick of sleeping alone. He found his phone under the pillow and decided to try and facetime Kyungsoo. He said he would be out of range but it was worth a try. Chanyeol thought he didn't miss him but now he realised he did. He had been holding back a little part of himself all along in the tiny hope that he might be able to reconnect with Baekhyun but seeing him with his brother had killed that dream completely. It was too late. Maybe if he had gone home earlier, maybe if he hadn't been so stubborn or so scared, everything might be different. But it was too late. It was time to move on.

 

He hit the dial button and the phone rang. Kyungsoo had been mistaken, he wasn't out of range at all, and Chanyeol hoped he would pick up. He just wanted to hear his voice, see his face, he just wanted to be special to someone. With Kyungsoo he always felt wanted. After a long time Kyungsoo answered and the video feed kicked in. "Hi." Chanyeol mumbled as he rolled over on his pillow. "I miss you." Never one for cheesy romance or sweet words, Chanyeol surprised himself with his spontaneous confession, and the shock was evident on Kyungsoo's face as well. "I miss you too." He said as he smiled.

 

Kyungsoo looked so beautiful, his army buzz cut just enhancing his huge features, his big eyes staring up at the camera on his phone. Chanyeol assumed he was also in bed as he was shirtless. "How's filming? I thought you said you were out of range." Chanyeol said. Then a thought crossed his mind and he voiced it without containment. "Why didn't you call? If you had service." Kyungsoo's eyes flickered momentarily and he smiled as he replied. "I'm busy babe. So are you. You know what it's like. Look, I've got to go, but congratulations on your song I'll call you in a couple of days. Ok?" "Ok." Chanyeol hung up and dozed off immediately.

 

A couple of hours later he wandered the luxury shopping district alone. He impulsively walked in to a big jewellers and looked over the rings. The last few days had been so confusing but one thing was for sure. He didn't want to be alone any more. "Can I look at that one please?" He pointed out a thick masculine looking ring, platinum banded and studded with high quality diamonds, it was perfect. "Sure." The sales assistant took it out of the cupboard and laid it on the black velvet cushion. The diamonds sparkled under the bright lights of the counter and Chanyeol handed over his credit card. It cost more than a small car but he had money and it was an investment in the future. When Kyungsoo came back in a few weeks he was going to propose. He wasn't going to end up alone.

 

His fansites had followed him from the interviews to the shopping district and he ignored them as they snapped pictures of him leaving the store. A few media outlets were among the small crowd that seemed to gather wherever he went these days and he wasn't too bothered. He held tightly to his little bag holding the ring as he wandered in and out of a few other shops, mindlessly buying an expensive scarf and a new wallet. Eventually he made his way to the end of the road and into the restaurant where Suho was waiting for him so they could have dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

Suho smiled as his star sat across from him. "Excited for the shoot tomorrow?" Chanyeol smiled. "Yeah, more than I thought actually, I'm glad you got it moved forward." Suho grinned. "They want to dye your hair red." Chanyeol almost choked but quickly recovered. "Red? As in orange, or like, red red." Suho laughed again. "Red." He looked at the packages next to the table. Chanyeol had plenty of money but wasn't known to be a big spender so the bags, especially the little jeweller's bag, were suspicious.

 

"What's that?" he asked and Chanyeol blushed. "I want to propose to Kyungsoo when he gets home." He looked down at the table as Suho's mouth hung open. "Really? A few days with your family and you're suddenly soft. What happened?" "Nothing." Chanyeol answered. "It's just, well, everyone I know has someone. They're all settling down, and I don't want to be left alone Suho, it's too scary." Suho sighed in resignation and indicated to the waiter to bring a bottle of wine. "The media will eat it up. It might be good for publicity especially with his movie coming out." Chanyeol poured a glass of the wine and chugged it down. "It's always about the publicity with you." "Well." Suho clinked his glass with Chanyeol's before taking his own sip. "That's my job. Congratulations in advance Chanyeol. I hope he says yes."

 

He fell into bed early that night, a wine and a good steak helping him settle, and as he closed his eyes he was torn between excitement and nervousness. Tomorrow was the photoshoot, one of the biggest things he had ever done, and growing up he never dreamed he would ever be considered for modelling let alone the cover of Vogue. It was beyond his wildest dream.

 

 

——-

 

 

" _What's wrong?" Baekhyun found Chanyeol crying under the slide. His chubby cheeks were streaked with dirt and tears and he rubbed at his puffy eyes with two fat and dirty hands. "They teased me." "Who? Who teased you?" Baekhyun was a gentle boy until someone made him mad and turned him into a tiny ball of ferocity. "Them. They teased my ears and said I look like Yoda."_

_Chanyeol pointed out a group of boys. They looked about 9 or 10, a couple of years older than them, and Baekhyun knew how to pick his battles. Knowing he had no chance of beating the older boys he turned instead to comforting his friend. "I like your ears." Baekhyun said as he put his arm around his still-sobbing friend. "Anyway. Yoda's the best. He's my favourite Jedi. Who cares what they say?" He used his shirt sleeves to wipe Chanyeol's cheeks and smiled when the other boy stopped crying._

 

 

——-

 

Chanyeol woke suddenly, his alarm blaring, his brain foggy with the confusion of his sleepy state. He'd dreamed a memory, the vision playing out in his mind, so long ago but so real it could have been yesterday. But it wasn't yesterday, it was twenty years ago, another memory he thought he'd buried deep in the past. But as he sat upright in his bed, the early morning grey of dawn just barely giving way to sunrise, Chanyeol's hand went to his cheek and felt the tears were fresh and new.

 

And somehow the past had caught up with him again. It was entangled in his present whether he liked it or not. Every part of who he was had a piece of Baekhyun within.


	6. Chapter 6

The stylist blowdried his new mop of bright red hair and Chanyeol stared in fascination. He loved it. It looked amazing, it gave his looks a real edge, in a way he never expected. He wondered if Kyungsoo would like it and snapped a selfie and forwarded it to his boyfirend's phone. He had spent the last 24 hours going over and over his decision to ask Kyungsoo to marry him and he was determined that it was the right decision. They loved each other and were perfect together, the famous actor and the rising pop star, and Chanyeol wouldn't be alone anymore.

He changed in and out of endless outfits, most of which he would never be caught dead in on the street, but that was fashion. The creative director seemed especially taken with a particular shirt, white with hooks and ring and loops hanging off it everywhere, and with Chanyeol's beautiful skin and fresh red hair it was a breathtaking combination. "That's our cover!" She said with an excited finality as she watched the photos on the laptop. Chanyeol kept a cool façade but inside he was overjoyed. His song was number one, he was going to be on the cover of Vogue, his boyfriend would come back in a few weeks and he would propose. By the time of the premiere of Kyungsoo's movie they would have made a public announcement and the media would be all over them.

Just as the shoot was wrapping Suho disappeared outside on his phone. Chanyeol didn't pay much attention, the guy lived with that phone attached to his head, but he looked worried. Probably some minor issue, problems and issues came up all the time, and Chanyeol was so glad to have the competence of Suho in charge of his life. He ddin't know wht he would do without him. Chanyeol had changed back into his own clothes and felt comfortable but plain. He was starting to see the lure of high fashion. In his years climbing the ranks of the music industry he had become accustomed to all eyes on him and it was definitely addicting. The money, the populatiry, the fame. But he was about to feel all the downfalls of eyes on him as Suho walked back towards him looking like a kicked puppy.

"We need to talk." Suho said and pulled Chanyeol into the bathroom attached to the studio. He held his phone out towards Chanyeol. There, in full view on the main page of the Star Dispatch website, was a grainy but clear picture. One man had a dark buzzcut and the other was taller with glowing tanned skin. Their arms were locked around each other and their lips were pressed together. Sand blew around them as the desert sun beat down on Chanyeol's boyfriend caught in a passionate embrace with his co-star Kim Jongin.

Tears filled his eyes instantly. "No. It cant be true. He woulnd't do this to me...." Chanyeol scrolled down to find another photo and another. The kissing photo hurt but the next one hurt more. Kyungsoo was laughing, his eyes sparkling as he looked up at the taller man still holding him, his perfect lips parted in pure joy. Chanyeol had never seen that expression on his face before. "Keep scrolling." Suho said softly and there was an article about the affair, the new love found on an exotic movie set location, the scandal of Kyungsoo caught cheating on Chanyeol. And then the picture of Chanyeol leaving the jewellery store, little bag in hand, a smile on his lips.

 

Finally Chanyeol broke. "Get me out of here." He whispered to Suho as he handed the phone back. "It's a feeding frenzy Chanyeol. There's media everywhere outside." Chanyeol shook as two tears travelled down the soft peaks of his face. "I don't care. I have to get out of here."

 

 

Suho held him by the arm and gently guided him though the crowd waiting outside. Cameras flashed and people called out questions, all the major news sites were there, as well as fansites and fans. It was a frenzy just as Suho warned. But it was all a blur to Chanyeol, he felt like he was underwater, like all his senses were blurred together. Suho guided him into the waiting van and they sped away from the crowd and towards Chanyeol's apartment.

Suho wanted to stay but Chanyeol wanted to be alone. "Leave. Please." He begged Suho. Kyungsoo hadn't even tried to call him. He might not even know the story had broken. The thought of him cozied up in a tent on location with this other man, lying naked together, blissfully unaware of Chanyeol's knowledge made him feel sick. When Suho left he began calling.

Kyungsoo picked up the third time. Chanyeol had chosen facetime. He didn't want Kyungsoo to be able to hide from him. "Hi babe." Kyungsoo's shirtless figure popped into view as the call started. "Is he there with you?" Chanyeol asked. He had intended to yell, to cry, to make Kyungsoo feel the full force of his anger. But when he was faced with the reality he just felt tired. "What?" Kyungsoo answered, looking slightly confused at first, then his eyes widened as he realised. "It's all over the news Kyungsoo. I know. Everyone knows." Kyungsoo sighed. "I'm sorry Chaneyol. But I couldn't help it. We've got this connection." Tears filled Chanyeol's eyes again. "What about me? You were supposed to love me and you couldn't even be away from me for a few weeks without cheating on me....." He sniffed and put the phone down as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"Chanyeol. I do love you, well I thought I did anyway, but it's different with Jongin. Anyway, I'm sorry, I really didn't think we were that serious." Chanyeol finally lost it. "Serious? I went out yesterday and bought a fucking ring Kyungsoo. I wanted us to be together forever. I was going to propose when you came back but instead I got this instead. Don't ever come near me ever again." Chanyeol hung up and tossed the phone under his pillow as he fell onto the bed. The feeling of sleeping alone would be with him for a lot longer than he realised.

With the night falling fast and his mood falling faster Chanyeol knew he couldn't stay here alone. He grabbed his duffel out and upended his dirty clothes onto the floor. He filled it with clean clothes, doing the same with his cases, and dragged them back downstairs. He tossed them into his car and drove out of the underground garage swiftly past the small crowd still hanging around waiting for a photo of a devastated and destroyed star.

 

Two hours later he fell into his mother's arms. It was midnight and he was exhausted. He had gone home.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunlight streamed into the bedroom. It was 2am when Chanyeol hit the pillow and 10am when he woke to the gentle aroma of coffee and bacon and toast. He groaned and shoved his head under the pillow. His phone was under there as well. He had wanted to hide from all contact with his real life but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to turn it off. He checked his notifications. Missed calls from Suho and Kyungsoo. Two voice messages. His social media notifications had blown up overnight. The feeling of being hot gossip was tragic. He knew the public would be eating this up. Pictures of him coming out of the jewellery store while his boyfriend was in bed with someone else were everywhere. The media would be having an absolute field day.

He listened to the voice message from Suho and sent him a quick text back saying he made it safe, and he would be staying for a week, and not to ask him to come back to the city. He needed respite. He deleted the voicemail from Kyungsoo and skimmed over the texts. Lots of regret but none of love lost, of sadness, of pain. Kyungsoo was only sorry he got caught and Chanyeol knew it.

He checked the charts and his social media. His metnions were through the roof. The media was strongly sympathetic towards him. The pictures of a shocked and sad chaneyol being rushed through the gauntlet of media outside the Vogue studio were everywhere. People were on his side and Kyungsoo was being portrayed as a heartless cheater and Jongin as a heartbreaking homewrecker. Chanyeol didn't want that but he had no choice. The media played their own games. He had three songs from his album in the top ten now. Apparently being publicly cheated on was good for business.

His face was puffy when he braved the bathroom mirror. His eyes were red and he looked like he hadn't slept a single wink. He splashed cold water on his cheeks an dit didn't help. He stripped off and stepped into a too-hot shower and watched in fascination as some excess red hair dye washed down the drain. It swirled around his feet like blood, the red mixing with the white foam of his shampoo, washing away with the thoughts of his future all palnned out. He washed his body and his face and brushed his teeth and prepared to face the day.

The town that had always seemed too boring and too quiet, too small to contain him, was just what he needed. He ate the offered breakfast but even though bacon was his favorite, and he hadn't eaten anything like that in months because of the Vogue shoot, it seemed dry and tasteless. He drank his coffee outside and drank in the morning sun as well. He was surprised to find himself joined outside by Sehun who's expression was, as usual, unreadable but today somewhat gentle. Chanyeol smiled briefly at him and was surprised to feel his younger brother's hand on his shoulder. "Sorry man. That's rough." Was all Sehun said but it was enough. Chanyeol knew deep down his btrother cared in his own way.

Chanyeol walked through town. He called in at the bakery and bought a bee sting. The local bakery was famous for them and they used to be his favorite. He had never needed comfort food more than he did that day and he carried his little bag containing the sweet cake and a can of Coke and his feet took him to the big tree behind Byun's Nursery. The old tree was a willow with low hanging branches and it was just outside the back fence of the nursery. Chanyeol leaned his back against the fence and took out his delicious sweet treat. He tried to eat it slowly but he handn't had something this delicious in forever. He had honey glaze and whipped cream all over his face and hands and only when he was finished did he realised he had no way of washing his hands. He sucked at his fingers in an attempt to get rid of the stickiness and as he stood up he absentmindedly traced his fingers across the trunk.

 

——-

 

" _Wow! Where did you get that?" Chanyeol l asked as Baekhyun pulled out his brand new pocket knife. It was shiny, with a black handle, and super sharp. "Dad got it for me. He said he wanted to wait until I was thirteen so I guess it's kind of a late birthday present." Baekhyun ran his fingers over the handle as Chanyeol watched on in awe. "I want one!" He said as his face filled with envy. Baekhyun's family didn't have a lot of extra money and neither did Chanyeol's. Treats like this were special._

_"Can I try it?" Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun handed it over. Chanyeol dragged it through the bark on the tree, carefully carving his initials, making the PCY deep and neat. He looked over at Baekhyun watching him and added a neat BBH underneath. "If this was a drama you would carve a big heart around the letters!" Baekhyun laughed as he pulled two bee stings out of the paper bag he had carried in his other hand. He held one out to Chanyeol who took it and handed the knife back._

 

 

_Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun closed his eyes and stuffed his face with the creamy treat, getting cream on the end of his nose and his cheeks, and dropping it on his shirt. "You're such a baby!" Chanyeol laughed as he pulled some tissues out of his pocket and wiped the cream from Baekhyun's nose. "No I'm not! I can clean my own face just fine." Baekhyun pouted and snatched the tissue from Chanyeol's hand and wiped his cheeks and his shirt. Chanyeol just watched him as he ate his cake being extra careful not to make a mess after he had just teased Baekhyun about it._

 

——-

 

Chaneyeol ran his fingers over the deep cuts of their initials that remained engraved in the thick bark of the willow. He remembered that day so well, the way he blushed when Baekhyun made a joke about drawing a heart around their initials, the cute way he got the cream everywhere when he ate. It was the first time he consciously knew the way he felt about his friend wasn't just normal friendship. The affection he had for Baekhyun went further than best friends, deeper than their constant companionship, and the realisation he had that day as he stood under the tree was terrifying.

 

Thirteen year old Chanyeol had wanted to draw that heart around their initials that day.

 

 

And didn't have the words to explain to Baekhyun that he loved him more than a best friend should.

 

Chanyeol choked back a sob as he heard a voice near the fence. It was Baekhyun. He could hear him talking on the phone to someone and must have come down to the back of the nursery to get some privacy for his call. Chanyeol sank to the ground and put his head on his knees. He knew he souldn't be eavesdropping but it was too late for that. He was already listening.

"How is he? Really? That's not good Sehun. Please keep an eye on him for me. I can believe that guy would do that to him? And to have it all over the media.......... Chanyeol must be so embarrassed and hurt............"

 

Chanyeol held his breath. The concern in Baekhyun's voice was palpable and its sincerity struck Chanyeol right in the heart. He was too fragile for this. He couldn't go back to the past, to confusing Baekhyun's friendly affection for him as something else, to misinterpreting his words and actions. He couldn't go through all that again. Not now when he already felt so vulnerable.

"Sehun. Don't be stupid."

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun's voice take on a different tone, one of defensiveness and slight annoyance, rather than the sweet concern he had just shown.

"I don't care. Ok? Not that much anyway. So stop being stupid. I'll see you tonight. Ok? I gotta go..."

As Baekhun's voice faded and the man walked away from him so did the glimmer of hope Chanyeol allowed to creep into his heart. Nothing had changed. Baekhyun still didn't care for him like that and he never would. The love of his life was with his brother, and the love he settled for was in love with someone else, and Chanyeol was standing under a willow tree alone and with nothing but his memories.


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

As he walked back past the nursery to head for home it happened. He had tried to avoid it but she saw him as she was helping load some pots with another lady into a vehicle by the road.

 

"Park Chaneyol. How dare you!" Like her son she hadn't aged a day. She radiated the gentle good health and caring aura of someone who worked outside doing what she loved. She put the pots into the car and grabbed Chanyeol by the arms. As he leaned down to hug her she kissed his cheek. "I knew you were here and I hoped you would come and see us. But you were just going to walk past without even saying anything!" Mrs Byun was excellent at catching Chanyeol out when he was a kid and nothing had changed now he was an adult. "I was going to come in and say hi." He shifted awkwardly. He didn't want her to know he was avoiding Baekhyun but she had to know. Everyone in this town knew everything.

 

"Well now you're here. So come in." She grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the nursery. His childhood rushed back as the familiar sights and smells overwhelmed him. He found himself behind the counter with a cup of tea in his hand. Mrs Byun sat beside him and smiled as he sipped the tea and murmured about how nothing had changed. "I really missed this place," he said as he smiled at her and she smiled back. It warmed his heart. It was just like Baekhyun was smiling at him.

 

"So...." She said as she put her cup down and squeezed Chanyeol's arm. "Everyone knows your personal business. Are you okay?" He smiled through tears as he nodded and she knew he was lying. "Poor baby." She whispered as she rubbed his arm soothingly. "Well everyone knows your business which means everyone knows your boyfriend is a cheating dog." Chanyeol burst out laughing. Mrs Byun, still as savage as ever, and it was just what he needed.

 

"Have you seen Baekhyun yet?" She asked and Chanyeol nodded. "How was he?" She asked and Chanyeol replied "as I expected." He put his cup down and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's nice. The red really suits you." He flushed at the compliement and she chuckled. "What sort of a famous idol gets shy at a little compliment. You haven't changed a bit, have you?" He shook  his head and her face turned serious. "You really hurt him Chanyeol. He couldn't work out why you left without saying goodbye and the last few years have been really hard on him. On us...."

 

Her eyes took on a  faraway quality that made guilt burn in Chanyeol's chest. "I know. I promise I'll go past the house and see Mr Byun if he's well enough." Tears filled his eyes again as he got up from the chair. "But I'm sick of everyone saying how hard it was for him when I left. Hard on him? It was hard on me. I was the one who had to let go Mrs Byun. Not him. He had her...."

 

One tear escaped and Chanyeol moved as quickly as his six foot frame would allow. He was going to break and he couldn't be here in front of her when it happened. He'd already said too much. He rushed towards the door, his breath heavy in his chest, his eyes stinging from emotion. As soon as he was outside he caught his breath and shoved a cigarette into his mouth. He lit it and sucked deeply on the smoke as he walked away from the nursery as quickly as he could.

 

 

 

——-

 

 

_Chanyeol was humiliated. He'd been locked inside his room for two days. Only his family knew what had happened that day at school. The last day of school, supposed to be a day to remember, had turned into nothing but disappointment for Chaneyol. He had ran all the way home in tears and hid his heartbreak under his pillow._

_On the third day his Mum had opened the door with good news. "You have a letter." She said softly as she sat on the bed next to him. His bedside table was covered in tissues and half empty glasses of water. He was in the same clothes he had worn the day before. She held the envelope out to him and when he saw it was from SM he finally managed a smile. His parents had taken him to do the audition rounds in the last school holidays and the rejection letters had started coming. He was just grateful his video audition had been accepted and he had passed the first round. Walking into the building for his second audition in the actual place where dreams were made was unreal. "Time to get rejected by the best." He smiled weakly at her through dried tears and opened the envelope._

_His jaw dropped open. The words blurred together as he read them and he had to hand it to his Mum to double check. But they were there in black and white. He had been accepted to SM as a trainee and they wanted him to relocate to Seoul as soon as possible. The next morning he loaded everything important into one big suitcase, said goodbye to his brother and mother, and got into the car with his Dad._

_There was something he couldn't bear to take and it was left behind with his memories and his heartbreak._

_As they drove out of town, past the school and the library and the supermarket, Chanyeol vowed to never come back. He was going to make it. He just knew. He was going to show them all and he was going to regret nothing. He was never coming back here, there was nothing here for him now, nothing left but pain and humiliation and heartbreak. As they passed the nursery he craned his neck for one last view of the place that meant so much to him. They were moving pretty fast and he had to turn his head to look. And as they passed, and he turned to look behind him, he saw them outside on the street. Baekhyun and Taeyeon, holding hands, Baekhyun smiling down at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered._

_"Do you want me to turn around so you can go say goodbye?" His dad said softly as he watched Chanyeol look behind him. Chanyeol just shook his head. There was nothing left here for him in this place. Nothing._

 

 

——-

 

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked quickly away from the place where his heart broke for the hundredth time eight years ago. He walked and he smoked and he remembered. And he regretted it. He regretted leaving, he regretted being too weak to say something, he regretted not telling Baekhyun how he really felt all those years ago.

 

This place that held his memories also held all his regrets. He would throw it all away for a chance to go back and make things different.

 

Make things right.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

The sweet treat that had enjoyed not so long ago now made him feel sick as the combination of sugar and cream and soft drink swirled in Chaneyols stomach. He walked quickly back to his car to hide the shame and the regret written so obviously on his face. He couldn't believe he'd run out on Mrs Byun like that but he couldn't do it. He couldn't fall apart in front of her.

 

He answered his phone through the car's Bluetooth connection and spoke briefly with Suho while he drove home. He'd cancelled all his bookings for the next seven days. "People are very understanding Chanyeol. I know it sounds awful but this is great for your career. The media is eating it up." Chanyeol just sighed and thanked Suho and hung up. He pulled up in the driveway of his family home and absentmindedly wondered if it would rain. Dark clouds had gathered on the horizon and there was a sense of foreboding in the air, the change in pressure and the scent of a storm building, and Chanyeol shivered in unknown anticipation.

 

He grabbed his phone and headed inside. "Mum. Is my stuff still up in the roof?" He asked. He'd packed a heap of things away before he'd left for Seoul and he had a sudden urge to find them. "Yes honey. Do you want me to go up there and look?" Chanyeol called out that he could do it himself and next thing he knew he was in the attic space in his brand new Supreme sweater getting dust everywhere and he didn't even give a shit.

 

Near the back he found what he was looking for. He dragged the old guitar towards himself as he backed out of the low rooved storage space. He backed all the way down the pull out ladder and as soon as he was standing in the corridor with the guitar in his hands memories flooded through him like a restorative rainstorm.

 

 

——-

 

 

_"Where have you been? Open up!" It was Chanyeol's thirteenth birthday and he couldn't wait to show Baekhyun what his Dad had bought him. He shifted from one foot to the other as he knocked on Baekhyun's bedroom door waiting to be let in._

 

_Baekhyun had been busy the last few weeks and every time Chanyeol questioned him about it he just shrugged him off with excuses of how he had to help his Dad with extra jobs around the nursery._

 

 _Chanyeol's fingers ran impatiently over the smooth black handle of the pocket knife his Dad had given him. It was an identical match for the one Baekhyun had. He had only wanted two things for his birthday and he had been lucky enough to get one of them. The other thing he really wanted was a guitar but money was tight and_   _guitars were expensive and his mum had said maybe for Christmas._

 

_The bedroom door flew open and Chanyeol was greeted with the eyes of his best friend sparkling with barely contained joy. "Close your eyes!" Baekhyun said and Chanyeol complied and he heard Baekhyun shuffling around amongst the casual mess of his teenage bedroom. "Open them." He whispered and when he opened them Chanyeol gasped. Baekhyun was holding a guitar. "It's kind of beat up but it plays nicely and it just needs repainted or something......." He trailed off in sudden shyness as tears filled Chanyeols eyes. "It's perfect." Chanyeol whispered as he took it from Baekhyun's hands._

 

 

 

 

_Baekhyun was right. The wood of the body was scratched and it wasn't very pretty but when his fingers ran across the steel strings it sounded like heaven. No more spending all his lunch breaks in the school music room trying to get as much practice as he could. Chanyeol had picked up a guitar a year ago and found his talent, his calling, and his second love. But as he clutched the precious item and smiled softly at his best friend he knew nothing would ever replace his first love._

 

" _Where did you get it?" Chanyeol was mystified. There were no music shops between here and the city. "Dad saw it in a second hand shop a few towns over one day when he was making deliveries. He grabbed it but he made me pay him back." Baekhyun blushed. "That's why I've been busy. I potted about a hundred lavender seedlings to buy that." Chanyeol put it down gently on Baekhyun's bed and pulled his friend in close for a hug. As the two boys embraced Chanyeol closed his eyes and he could smell the lavender on Baekhyun, in his hair and on his skin, radiating from his clothes. It was Chanyeol's favorite scent in the world._

 

_That night, the porch lights beating down on him as he worked, Chanyeol carefully prised the top of the guitar loose from the back. He had already carefully removed the strings and they had been rolled up and clipped with a clothes peg. He gently sanded the wood smooth and painted it with a thin layer of fresh stain and varnish and left it to dry while he slept._

 

_The next morning he worked carefully to put the guitar back together with its edges and surfaces like new. He glued the front back onto the body and restrung it and when it was dry he tuned it carefully. He smiled softly as he ran his fingers over the surface. His very own guitar. And no one would ever know he had painted his initials and Baekhyuns inside before he put it back together. Unlike the tree this was his own personal secret and no one would ever know that Chanyeol allowed himself to paint the heart around them._

 

 

——-

 

 

It was dusty but a soft cloth soon had the guitar looking like it had twelve years ago. Chanyeol's chest hurt as he remembered how childish he was, how foolish even, to take the brush and paint his love into a little heart inside the guitar. He ran his now-expert fingers across the strings, turned the nuts a little, and smiled when the sound came out just as perfect as he remembered. It still had a better sound to his ears than the five or so expensive guitars he used regularly these days.

 

It still sounded like heaven and he felt stupid for leaving it behind all those years ago. He should have taken it with him.

 

"Where are you going?" the voice from the kitchen rang in his ears as if he was thirteen again and he almost called out "Baek's" in return. But on this drizzly grey afternoon Chanyeol slung his guitar on his back and shoved his cigarettes into his jacket pocket and responded with "I don't know" to his mother as he headed out of the door and set off on foot in search of solace.


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

With his guitar on his back Chanyeol felt thirteen again. He headed out into the late afternoon haze, crossing his backyard and opening the gate, walking out into the bare fields behind his family home. His family weren't farmers, his Dad sold insurance and his Mum worked part-time in the local school's administration office, but he had always grown up amongst the fields of grain farms and dairies. His feet shuffled along the dirt road that ran behind his house and led towards the small thicket of trees that as a child had seemed like a huge and magical forest. He had spent hours walking the trails with Baekhyun, looking for interesting rocks, spotting birds and animals and throwing sticks into the creek. It was another place that was both a mecca of past joy and a miasma of easily remembered pain for Chanyeol as he mired further into the misery of the day.

 

He walked towards the creek and was happy to see it running. It didn't always run, water in the bottom meant an average year of rainfall, a running creek meant happy farmers and a busy town, a dry creek was bad news for everyone. The summer of his eleventh year there had been a drought and the creek had run completely dry.

 

 

 

——-

 

 

 

" _Lets look for frogs hiding under the rocks!" Baekhyun called out as Chanyeol struggled to catch up. They were the same height and weight in the way that most ten year old boys are, and even though there wasn't much of a size difference Chanyeol always felt bigger, uncoordinated and clumsy. Baekhyun seemed to move through life and the world with a natural grace and constant control of his body. Chanyeol panted a little as he caught up to Baekhyun at the top of the bank of the creek._

_Chanyeol looked down into the dry rocks and shook his head. "You wont find any. The water's been gone for days." He went to walk away and as he turned he heard a scream. "Baek!" He turned back to see Baekhyun on the bottom of the creekbed. "It's still soft near the edges. I slipped," he called out and Chanyeol edged closer to the side. "Ow!" Baekhyun held his ankle. His knee was scraped and he had dirt and mud all down one side of him and tears began to fill his eyes. "Are you hurt?" Chanyeol called and Baekhyun squinted his eyes closed and nodded._

_Chanyeol walked down the bank once he found a stable and solid way down. He jogged across the rocks to where his friend was crouched in pain. Baekhyun was trying desperately not to cry but he couldn't help it and a few tears escaped. Chanyeol reached down and helped him to stand and once he was upright he bent down next to him. "Get on my back." Chanyeol said and Baekhyun shook his head. "No I'm too heavy." Chanyeol sighed. "If you don't then you'll have to wait here by yourself while I go and get someone to help us." He grabbed Baekhyun's arm and swung it around his shoulders and Baekhyun reluctantly allowed the other boy to piggy back him back through the creek and up the bank to the dirt road home._

 

 

 

——

 

 

 

Chanyeol sat down on a log next to the creek. The quiet rushing water matched well with the gathering dark clouds and his dark mood as well. He strummed the guitar casually, put it down next to him leaning against the log, and lit another cigarette. 

 

 

He decided to brave his phone. He ignored the notifications and went straight to the Star Dispatch website. As soon as he looked he wished he didn't. His face, crumpled in its sadness, was still on top of the website. His brand new flaming red hair was wild in the wind as Suho helped him push past the media and fans outside the vogue building. And then the pictures of Kyungsoo. Some he had already seen, some were new, all were blatantly obvious that Kyungsoo was smitten with Jongin and had moved on with his life. And here was Chanyeol, sitting in the beginnings of a slow drizzle, with nothing but an old guitar and his memories.

 

He shoved the phone back into his pocket and butted out the cigarette just as the sky opened up above him. The soft slow drizzle that had been threatening all day quickly became a downpour as Chanyeol stood and began to walk slowly back to the house. He didn't even bother to rush. He was already wet and sad and miserable so a few extra minutes weren't going to make any difference. By the time he reached the house his new hoodie was soaked, his hair was plastered to his forehead, and he didn't know where the rain ended and his tears began. His eyes were puffy and his chest hurt. He needed warmth and comfort and craved a hot shower and a hot drink.

 

Guitar clutched tightly between his hands, Chanyeol rounded the corner of the house to head in through the front door, and pulled up quickly in surprise. Baekhyun had just got out of his work truck and was heading towards the front door and their eyes met and locked for just a brief moment.

 

Baekhyun's eyes travelled from Chanyeol's sadness, down to the guitar in his hands, and back up to his soaked hair plastered to his head. "Oh...." He said softly as he moved closer. The hard edge of his hurt seemed to have been tempered by Chanyeol's miserable appearance and his eyes were transfixed on the guitar as Chanyeol walked towards him. "I didn't think you would still have that..." Baekhyun said quietly as Chanyeol tried to breathe. "How could I ever let this go?" He murmered in response and clutched it tighter, holding it close, almost as if it was another shard of happiness someone was trying to take away from him. He began to shiver and shake as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him again.

 

"Chanyeol, I'm so sorry, for what your boyfriend did..." Chanyeol knew he was trying to comfort him but it seemed so empty. "Why are you sorry? It wasn't you who cheated on me..." Chanyeol snapped and Baekhyun's face turned almost imperceptibly from concern to hurt.

 

 

 

Wasn't it?

 

No it wasn't

 

Then why had it felt that way?

 

 

 

 

"Hey." Baekhyun reached out to stop him as Chanyeol tried to head past him into the house. The roles were suddenly reversed. Baekhyun tried to stop Chanyeol from leaving him and Chanyeol just wanted to hide. But as soon as he heard that voice, that voice that made him weak, and turned to look into Baekhyun's eyes he instantly regretted it. He was lost again in a confusing world where nothing mattered but the way Baekhyun looked at him.

 

And he knew then that he hadn't let go. He hadn't yet and he probably never would.

 

As they stood next to the front porch, eyes locked in a conversation their voices couldn't make, Chanyeol decided it was time to take a risk. It was time to put this behind him for better or worse. "We have to talk Baekhyun. I owe you an explanation." Chanyeol finally made the words he should have eight years ago.

 

"I suppose eight years late is better than never." Baekhyun's soft laugh was tainted with a bitter hint of sarcasm. "You know where to find me. Just come by the Nursery when you're ready."

 

Their moment was broken by the intrusion of Sehun. He opened the door and looked from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and back to Baekhyun.

 

"Are you ready to go?" Baekhyun smiled up at Sehun and jealousy burned like bile in Chanyeol's stomach. The envious fire that burned in his chest had returned and all that had changed was the trigger.


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun felt more like a teenager rather than a 26 year old divorcee. He quietly led Sehun by the hand through the back door and into his kitchen as they spoke in hushed voices.

 

The little house that had provided him with safety and solace all his childhood life was now his home again and he was relieved to see that his parents were already asleep. His Dad was on heavy pain medication and was asleep a lot of the time lately. His Mum did a great job of pretending she wasn't constantly exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of watching her husband getting sicker and sicker. So although it was only 9:30pm and they had just finished dinner Baekhyun brought Sehun back to a house of sable silence.

 

He turned the kettle on to make tea. His parents wouldn't wake. The house felt slightly warm and the lure of another storm on the horizon led Baekhyun to open the kitchen window while he waited for the kettle to boil and Sehun waited on the couch. The scent of lavender wafted in carried slowly on the gentle breeze and Baekhyun inhaled it like it was more precious than oxygen.

 

He loved this house. He had granted the brand new single story modern home he had built for Taeyeon to her in the divorce. He didn't want it. He couldn't wait to leave it with its white walls and its cold floors and its hollow memories. Apparently she didn't want it either because as soon as the papers were signed she put it up for sale and left for Seoul.

 

When teenage feelings gave way to adult emotions it was too late. He had married her too young, he had never even had a chance to learn who he was without her, and when she had been the one to finally end it he had only felt relief. Coming home to his parents, to the nursery and his memories, gave Baekhyun a safe place to remember who he was.

 

He snapped out of his musings at the sound of the kettle boiling and poured the two mugs of tea. He carried them carefully into the living room and set them down on the coffee table before sitting next to Sehun. The younger man smiled at him and reached out to pull Baekhyun close and he nestled himself against the taller's warm body.

 

"What were you and Chanyeol talking about?" Sehun asked. Baekhyun knew it was coming. He had been waiting for Sehun to ask him the whole night and he finally did.

 

"Not much." Baekhyun leaned forward and sipped his tea. "I told him to come by the nursery so we could catch up." Baekhyun felt Sehun stiffen in agitation next to him and he reached out and stroked his hand. "Sehun. Chanyeol and I really need to get everything out in the open between us. I know there has to be more to the story. I've been waiting eight years to find out why my best friend abandoned me." He took a deep breath as he felt Sehun relax. "I have to know..."

 

 

 

——-

 

 

 

" _Baekhyun." He heard his voice being called quietly from near the stairwell. Baekhyun turned to see Taeyeon beckoning to him and he walked over to her slowly._

_It was their last day of school. Now the ceremonies were over most of the students were just wandering around cleaning out lockers, gathering in little groups to sign yearbooks and exchange phone numbers, some even writing on each other's shirts. The whole school was brimming with a simmering feeling of closure and renewal as one door closed on their lives and another one opened._

 

" _Are you coming to the party at Kris's house tonight?" Taeyeon blushed as she spoke. Baekhyun cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ah, I'm not sure yet... maybe...." Baekhyun still felt weird around Taeyeon. They had been together on and off for a while before she had begun to make excuses about her parents not wanting her to date in her last year of school. Much to Baekhyun's disappointment, she had ended it, but he had never given up hope that she would change her mind. Especially now they were graduating._

 

 

 

_He shifted nervously while he thought of Chanyeol. Chanyeol didn't seem to be comfortable around Taeyeon. Baekhyun always wondered if maybe he was jealous. Every guy in their class had a crush on the beautiful petite girl with the tiny waist and the porcelain skin. Baekhyun had teased him a little about her but it always seemed to make Chanyeol a little too upset and Baekhyun thought he had finally figured out why._

_He didn't want to hurt Chanyeol but he had always been crazy about Taeyeon. Chanyeol would get over it, hopefully even find someone himself, and everything would be fine._

 

"Do you think maybe we could set Chanyeol up with one of your friends?" Baekhyun asked and smiled when Taeyeon nodded. "Sure." She leaned in close and he could smell her familiar heady musk perfume. He sneezed and she giggled and they moved apart again.

 

 

_Baekhyun knew Chanyeol had planned a pizza night for them tonight. He knew Chanyeol wouldn't really want to go to the party at Kris's house but he also knew he would be able to talk him into it._

 

_Baekhyun could always talk Chanyeol into anything. He knew his best friend would do anything for him, go anywhere with him, put his own plans aside for him._

 

_Chanyeol always let Baekhyun have his own way._

 

 

——-

 

 

 

"Is he okay? Like really ok?" Baekhyun asked quietly. He hadn't avoided Chanyeol's heartbroken face plastered all over the media. The shot of him coming out of the jewellery store, the rumours of his planned proposal, his devastated rush from the Vogue studio. The hurt and the pain on his face was something Baekhyun had only seen twice before. Once when his grandmother died when they were fourteen. And once when Chanyeol pushed past Baekhyun and ran out on him, out of the school, and out of his life.

 

"Forget about Chanyeol." Sehun pulled Baekhyun closer and leaned in. The kiss he pressed into Baekhyun's lips was soft and chaste at first but Sehun soon parted his lips and deepened the kiss. Something awoke inside Baekhyun, a desperate longing for the past, an intangible memory almost grasped. As he kissed back his thoughts turned vague. Big firm hands roamed his back as his own hands wandered a strong broad chest and wide shoulders. He fell into the heavenly security that Sehun's presence offered him and as Baekhyun pulled away and nestled against Sehun's chest he inhaled and absentmindedly mulled over the fact that Mrs Park had been using the same lemon scented laundry detergent for as long as he could remember.

 

Sehun's hands began to wander again and he pulled Baekhyun into another kiss. They kissed harder and deeper, Sehun's hands moving all over Baekhyun's body, pulling him into his lap. Baekhyun was lost in the moment, his tongue in Sehun's mouth, hands all over his body. Sehun moaned into the kiss and squeezed his ass cheeks and Baekhyun broke the kiss and gasped for breath.

 

"Not yet." He whispered as he let his head rest on Sehun's shoulder. "I'm not ready." His breathing recovered as he moved back onto the couch and Sehun frowned. "Baek, what's the issue? We've been going out for like six weeks and you still don't want me to touch you."

 

"I'm just not ready yet." Baekhyun said as he got up to take the tea cups back into the kitchen leaving a frustrated Sehun alone on the couch. He rinsed the cups in the sink and listened to the far off sounds of thunder rumbling in the distance. The smell of rain and lavender washed into the room through the open window and Baekhyun sighed at the resignation he felt deep in his stomach. A storm was brewing for sure and it was heading straight for them.


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

Something told him he had to face it. Something told him to go. Chanyeol rolled out of bed and showered, dressed in a nice pair of expensive jeans, put on his expensive watch. He felt better when he had expensive luxuries to hide behind.

 

"I'm going out." He called as he remembered this time to take a heavy coat and shoved his cigarettes into the pocket. He pulled a dark beanie over his flame coloured locks. They stood it too much against the murky grey sky.

 

"Where are you going?" His Mum called. "I'm going to Baek's." And he was gone before he could change his mind.

 

Chanyeol pulled his big SUV into the parking lot of the nursery. And sat there, eyes closed as he thought back, not willing to leave the safety of his car. He couldn't go through this again. He thought he was over it but as he sat faced with the place that held so many memories he knew they were only buried just beneath the surface. And they were ready to bubble over.

 

——-

 

 

_Their close friendship had become a bit of a running joke amongst their friends group. They weren't the cool kids or the nerds, they were somewhere in between, and they were happy with that. Minseok, Jongdae and the recently added Yixing along with the inseparable best friends Baekhyun and Chanyeol._

_Inseparable best friends. Or something more?_

_For years Chanyeol had been hiding his true feelings. He had become an expert at hiding his love and burying his feelings deep inside. But the more time they spent together the more he began to believe that it wasn't so one sided. That maybe there could be something more. It wasn't even the physical contact. Baekhyun had always been touchy and his constant hugs made Chanyeol feel warm inside but in the last few months they had grown closer than ever. Chanyeol even suspected that their closeness was the reason things hadn't worked out between Baekhyun and Taeyeon._

_Baekhyun and Taeyeon dated on and off but she had ended it again recently and Baekhyun was sure this time it was for good. Baekhyun had been quietly devastated and Chanyeol had been quietly triumphant. But he comforted his best friend as well as he could and he always managed to turn Baekhyun's dark moods into sunshine with his wide smile and his goofy actions. He would come to the nursery with his guitar on his back and play for Baekhyun, he would tell stupid puns and crack the most pathetic jokes, and Baekhyun's frown would fade fast._

 

" _You don't need her." Chanyeol smiled as he wound the strand of leafy green creeper into a circle. Baekhyun's cloudy mood was threatening to take over their weekend and he had to do something. He wandered the verdant aisles of the nursery and plucked a few daisies and roses to add. "I'll be your flower princess. You can be the handsome prince." Chanyeol wore his crown of scented beauty and strummed his guitar and Baekhyun laughed and laughed. Chanyeol was pleased. He'd cleared another one of Baekhyun's dour moods and the other boy smiling in the sunshine made his heart leap with joy._

 

" _Dance with me my handsome prince." Chanyeol did his best to mimic a high pitch but his voice just cracked and broke instead. This just made Baekhyun laugh even more and Chanyeol grabbed him by the waist and whirled him around easily. Time and puberty had worked their unknown wonder on both boys and somehow Chanyeol had become almost a head taller than his short friend._

_The sun beat down and Chanyeol couldn't help but smile as Baekhyun buried his face into the warm lemon scented cotton of Chanyeol's tshirt. "Thanks." Baekhyun mumbled as Chanyeol held him tight. "For what?" Chanyeol said as they broke their embrace and began to walk through the tall conifers and baby eucalyptus that were generous with the heady aroma coaxed out of their leaves by the sun. "I don't know. Everything." Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol and held onto him like a life raft as they walked through the nursery shop. The scent of pine gave way to the much less pleasant smell of fertiliser and potting soil and unsealed terracotta pots. But they were both used to it and neither wrinkled their nose as they passed._

 

" _Seriously. Taeyeon just keeps fucking with my head, one minute she's all over me, the next she doesn't want me. She doesn't love me like I love her." Baekhyun's smile faded back into the frown that Chanyeol had so dilligently chased away just minutes ago. "Come on. Lets go to the bakery. I'll buy you a beesting!" Chanyeol resumed his job keeping Baekhyun's mood out of misery. "Then we can go walk down by the creek and see if there's enough water to swim later." It was Baekhyun's turn to laugh. "You just want to smoke!" He accused his friend who had become recently accustomed to sneaking a cigarette here and there. "They'll kill you, you know." Chanyeol shrugged. "You're still coming with me though!" and latched his arms around the smaller boy who squealed as Chaneyol dragged him out of the front door of the nursery and onto the street._

 

 

_As he lifted Baekhyun by the waist and they both laughed in the sun everything seemed perfect. And for the next few months it was. With Taeyeon out of the picture Chanyeol and Baekhyun grew even closer if that was at all possible. And every quiet look, every gentle touch, every shared secret and smile gave Chanyeol hope. Every minute they were together the fire of hope inside Chanyeol's chest was fanned into flame by Baekhyun's warm affection._

 

_They walked by the creek, potted seedlings in the nursery, watched movies and hung out with their friends. They studied and worked hard, Chanyeol played his guitar and Baekhyun made faces at his singing, they took their exams and soon graduation loomed over them. Things were about to change forever._

 

_And Chanyeol knew he had to tell him._

 

 

——-

 

 

 

Chanyeol hadn't even realised tears were streaming down  his cheeks. He wiped his face with his sleeve, grabbed the sticky paper bag containing his peace offering, and finally climbed out of his car. As soon as he walked in his senses overwhelmed him. Sight, sound, scent. It all flooded his mind and his emotions swirled inside him like a gathering cloud. The other day when he had tea with Mrs Byun he had only made it to the front counter.

 

Walking through the aisles of potting mix and pots, the cheap plastic lawn furniture and the bags of fertilizer, out into the fresh humidity of the indoor plants section was like travelling back in time. The canaries had been replaced by a pair of beautiful parrots but the old aviary still stood strong. Chanyeol chuckled to himself as he imagined trying to climb into it now and eas he walked past rows of Elephant Ears and Bromeliads the familiarity began to soothe his soul. This was like coming home, only there was more here for him than in his family house, this was the place where he felt like he belonged.

 

He made his way out into the rows of fruit trees, past the roses, and found Baekhyun where he knew he would be. He stood in silence and just watched him at first as his eyes drank in the sight of Baekhyun absentmindedly tracing his fingers along a stem of lavender. If it wasn't for 100 tiny seedlings of lavender potted with love and turned into the most precious gift Chanyeol probably wouldn't have ever made it. Baekhyun had turned 100 baby plants into Chaneyol's future and he never really thanked him.

 

His legs began to move towards him as Baekhyun turned and smiled. And when Chaneyol held his arms out to offer the sticky paper bag full of sweets Baekhyun turned and pressed his body in between them instead. 

 

"Thanks." Chanyeol mumbled as he held Baekhyun tight. "For what?" Baekhyun said as they broke their embrace and sat down on the edge of the garden bed. Pine and lavender and lilac filled the air around them, coaxed out of their leaves by the stormy atmosphere, and  Chanyeol opened the bag and handed Baekhyun a beesting. "I don't know. Everything." Chanyeol said as he took a big bite of the cake. "For giving me a chance to fix this."


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

 

"Before you say anything let me go first." Baekhyun said quietly. Chanyeol took a bite of his cake and wondered absentmindedly how fat he was going to get over the next seven days. He watched Baekhyun's eyes take on a faraway quality as he thought hard and Chanyeol waited to hear what he was going to say.

 

"So I thought about it a lot over the years. About, you know, how things eneded up between us." Chanyeol's chest hurt as he watched tears fill Baekhyuns eyes. "I know this whole sexuality thing can get pretty grey. I probably know that better than anyone." Baekhyun stared down at the almond covered beesting nestled in his hands as he continued. "So I wasn't really surprised when you had a boyfriend. But I'm pretty sure that you still have feelings for someone else."

 

Chanyeol's stomach sank and his chest began to pound as Baekhyun continued. "And I just want you to know that its fine. If you want to go after her you can. I mean, I know you always wanted her, and I know I should have backed off. I really blame myself Chanyeol." The hurt radiating from the small man was palpable as his cake melted in the humid afternoon air. "Anyway, you're a rich and famous idol with money to burn, just her type. Taeyeon loves nothing more than material possessions. So if you go after her you'd probably have a good chance of making her happy."

 

Chanyeol went cold as he tried to process what Baekhyun was saying. Suddenly his Rolex and his big SUV and his thousand dollar jeans felt like something to be ashamed of. Like their presence tarnished the truth of who Chanyeol really was inside. And then he processed the rest.

 

Her.

 

Baekhyun really thought, then and now, that what he wanted all along was her?

 

 

——-

 

 

_Chanyeol had been planning the last day of school for weeks. He knew there was a big party at Kris's house but he didn't want to go and he knew Baekhyun wouldn't either. Kris was an asshole, rich and popular, and always surrounded by his group of friends. Including Taeyeon, Miss Popularity, the Queen of their senior year._

 

_Chanyeol knew he would only have a few more days with Baekhyun and he wanted to make them count. He didn't want to waste even one night drinking and talking shit with people he didn't care about. He only had time for one person._

 

_For the first time ever they were going to be apart. Baekhyun had been accepted into a college in the city half an hour away from where they lived and was going to study landscape design. Chanyeol imagined a future for Baekhyun using his natural affinity for aesthetic to design beautiful parks and gardens. His own future hung in the balance. He had also been accepted to college but in Seoul and if the idol life didn't work out for him he would be a music teacher. So far the only letters he had received were rejections but he was determined to keep working at his dream. And he needed the city to do that._

 

_So with only a few days left of life as they knew it he planned his own little celebration. He wasn't sure if it was going to be down at the creek if the weather was nice or if he could get the house to himself but he was going to surprise Baekhyun with pizzas and cake and a song he had been learning just for him._

_And then, if he could summon all his courage, he was going to confess_.

 

_The thought of voicing his feelings aloud make his stomach churn with nerves. But Baekhyun fuelled the fire in his heart with every look, every soft touch, every flirty glance. He knew Baekhyun's natural charisma made everyone feel warm inside but Chanyeol really thought that every time his friend wrapped his arms around his body and held him tight it had to mean something. It just had to. Baekhyun had to feel even a little of the spark between them._

 

_On the last day of school, his plans all laid out neatly, Chanyeol smiled as he walked through the corridors of the school. He had gotten caught up with the other members of the school band taking photos and had somehow lost track of Baekhyun. Determined to find him, he set off at a brisk pace, his long legs carrying him easily through the corridors. His excitement for the evening ahead built as he rushed faster and faster to find Baekhyun but when he found him it was all wrong._

 

_Baekhyun was seated on the stairwell with Taeyeon wrapped around him like a snake. Chanyeol stood and stared in shock. He really thought she was out of the picture and after everything she'd put Baekhyun through how was he so easily swayed?_

 

 _How long had he been in the music room? It felt like the entire universe shifted in the last hour and inside he began to panic. Kris was seated on the next step down with his ever present sidekick Tao next to him and they nudged each and laughed as Chanyeol approached. "Baek. I've been looking for you everywhere." He said as he looked from Baekhyun to Taeyeon and ignored Kris mimicking his voice_.

 

 _"Well I'm here. And we're going to Kris's party tonight." Baekhyun smiled as Taeyeon pulled him even closer and Chanyeol stared in horror. This was wrong. It was all wrong_.

 

 _Why were things going so wrong_?

 

 _"It'll be fun Chanyeol." Taeyeon smiled pretentiously at him. "I'll set you up with my friend Tiffany. You know her right? Tall and pretty. Just right for you." Chanyeol watched her hand run over Baekhyun's thigh as she spoke and something inside him snapped. "No...." he began to stammer and stumble over his words as the emotion built inside him. This was his last chance and it was going all wrong_.

 

 _Was he so delusional that he thought he actually had a chance? A chance to confess his love for Baekhyun and maybe even have his confession accepted_?

 

 _In that one moment all his hopes slipped away_.

 

 _"No.. no I don't want to be set up with any more girls." He stammered over his words and Kris began to laugh. "You hear that? Chanyeol doesn't want to be set up with any more girls. Got any guy friends to set him up with?" He began to laugh and Tao joined in and soon Taeyeon did as well. And Baekhyun just sat there as they teased and laughed and Chanyeol began to crumble. His chest heaved as his plans fell apart in front of him. His stomach began to hurt and he turned to run away_.

 

_It was all he could do. He was a coward. He ran._

_As he was walking as quickly as he could out of the school halls for the last time he felt someone pull him by the arm. He turned to see Baekhyun standing before him. "Chanyeol what is your problem? It's no big deal. We were just going to have pizza and I really...." Chanyeol pulled his arm out of Baekhyun's grasp and tried to walk away but the smaller pushed in front of him again. "Chanyeol. What is with you? Just come to the party. Why are you so mad?" Baekhyun couldn't really work out what the issue was and Chanyeol wasn't speaking so he took a shot in the dark. "Are you jealous? Do you want her?" Baekhyun furrowed his brow as he stared up at his tall friend. "Are you gay?" That was a long shot. He and Chanyeol had been taking girls on double dates since they were fifteen. Although somehow Baekhyun always gravitated back to Taeyeon and Chanyeol somehow always stayed single._

 

_Chanyeol was torn as his own breath suffocated him slowly. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Could he tell the truth? Could he expose himself to his friend and confess his feelings through tears and anger and pain? Could he lie and say he was jealous and wanted his best friends girlfriend?_

_He didn't know which choice to make._

 

_In the end all Chanyeol could do was run. He pushed Baekhyun out of the way and ran out of the school and sank onto the grass outside blinking through blinding tears. He waited but Baekhyun didn't follow him. He must have turned away and gone back to her._

 

 

 

 

_That night while Baekhyun was kissing Taeyeon and holding her in his arms Chanyeol was hidden in the darkness. He had somehow made his way through the centre of town to the big tree behind Byun's nursery and as the heady scent of lilac and lavender and roses filled the warm night air he strummed his guitar and played his song he learned for the boy he could never have._

_When he came home sobbing he told them everything and his Mum and Dad soothed his sad heart with any words they could think of. And his brother, at thirteen and adrift in his own sea of confusion, watched on from the sidelines as his brother broke his own heart over the boy he couldn't stop loving but could never have._

_Sehun watched Chanyeol's heart shatter into a million pieces that night._

 

 

——-

 

 

 

Chanyeol felt anger rising in his chest the same way he had all those years ago. He swallowed a bite of his cake, wiped his mouth and got up, but this time he couldn't walk away. But he also couldn't tell the truth. How could he? The realisation that Baekhyun, his Baekhyun, was never his then or now. Then he belonged only to her. Now he was his brother's boyfriend. How could he tell the truth? But just being in his presence seemed to be what Chanyeol needed so he chewed his cake as he thought of the words.

 

"Baekhyun. I never wanted her. Never. I was just a coward afraid of the truth."

 

Baekhyun watched Chanyeol remember the past as he finished off his cake and wiped his hands on his shorts.

 

"Want to go for a walk down to the creek?" Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun broke into a grin. "You just want to smoke!" The light returned to his eyes as Chanyeol smiled in return. "Yeah. But you'll still come with me wont you."


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

The humidity hung heavy in the air as they walked. Side by side, everything felt somehow right, like the last eight years had never happened. Chanyeol left his car at the nursery and they wandered along the main road of town chatting about nothing really. They made casual musings over the changes in the town, closure of stores, opening of others. They avoided anything serious.

 

Past the bakery that had fuelled so many childhood adventures

 

Past the icecream parlour where they took their first dates

 

Past the video rental store which no longer existed

 

And as they wandered and chatted Chanyeol felt his world shift. It felt so right. It felt like he had finally come home.

 

As they neared the Park family home Baekhyun looked at his watch. "What time does Sehun usually finish University today?" he asked and Chanyeol was shoved back into the reality that he wasn't the one on Baekhyun's mind. "Probably in about an hour," Chanyeol said as they walked around the side of the house and out through the back gate. Down the dirt road the two men wandered slowly and aimlessly and Baekhyun frowned as Chanyeol dug his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. Baekhyun made a big deal of coughing and choking while Chanyeol laughed and enjoyed his smoke. "You're still so dramatic." He smiled at Baekhyun and when he smiled back Chanyeol felt dizzy.

 

He wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. How was he going to let his heart break all over again? He had six days left to enjoy pretending that Baekhyun cared for him. Pretending all the smiles and flirty glances, the hugs and soft words, pretending it all meant something. Could he do that? Could he just make the most of what he could have and forget what he couldn't?

 

He wasn't sure.

 

They reached the creek and sat on the log. They had sat here a million times before but this time the suffocation of unanswered questions hung heavy between them. Chanyeol went first. "So. How long have you been seeing Sehun?" he asked and Baekhyun immediately shifted uncomfortably. "About six weeks. We've been on a few dates. Nothing really serious."

 

 

——-

 

 

_Baekhyun and Chanyeol waited at the corner. They had their best tshirts and jeans on and Baekhyun had skimmed some flowers from the nursery without his mum catching him. Chanyeol hadn't bothered. He didn't care as much. He had only said yes to this stupid double date because he always spent Saturday afternoons with Baekhyun and he didn't want to be left out and left home alone. And also because, at fifteen years old, he knew if he didn't start dating people were going to start to ask questions._

_Baekhyun shifted from one foot to the other in excitement while Chanyeol just felt nervous. "I can't believe she said yes!" All Baekhyun could talk about was Taeyeon. Chanyeol was just mystified by how Baekhyun couldn't think about anything else, couldn't talk about anything else, couldn't even make sense of anything else. For the last week everything had been building up to this day. Their first date._

 

_They could see the girls giggling a little to each other as they walked towards them. Taeyeon looked perfect as usual. Her long dark hair hung shiny and straight and her dress was pretty and pink. She looked like a princess and the look on Baekhyun's face hit Chanyeol right in the chest. His friend was in love and he knew how he felt. He knew how it felt to look at someone and lose your breath. He knew how it felt to be so mesmerised by someone's beauty that they were all you wanted to look at. He knew how it felt to be so addicted to someone's smile, their laughter sounding like falling rain on glass, their eyes sparkling like stars at midnight._

_He knew exactly how Baekhyun felt._

_He watched Baekhyun walk towards her and their smiles mirrored each other. He watched the other girl walk towards him and they set off for the ice cream parlour. The girl was sweet and nice, funny even, but Chanyeol spent the whole afternoon fighting the burning jealousy in his stomach as Baekhyun joked and Taeyeon giggled and they flirted and laughed and Chanyeol just seethed silently._

_As they left Baekhyun announced he was going to walk Taeyeon home and Chanyeol understood the implied word unsaid._

_Alone._

_He turned to the girl he was left standing with and tried to smile at her through his sadness. It wasn't her fault he was a shitty date. "Come on," She said gently. He followed her in the general direction of home and even though the conversation flowed easily he didn't want to hold her hand and she knew. She could tell._

_She was just the first of many and he didn't want any of them._

 

 

——-

 

 

"Hey! Earth to Chanyeol!" Baekhyun waved a hand in front of his face and he was snapped back to reality. "What were you thinking about?" Baekhyun's eyes reflected the grey skies above and his hair was dark and shiny against his head. The smell of rain was gathering in the air and it was making Chanyeol's coloured hair fuzz up into a messy mop of red curls. He ran a hand through it and sighed.

 

"Remember when you slipped down here and I had to carry you home?" Chanyeol said and Baekhyun laughed. "Yeah. I remember." He turned to Chanyeol with that look in his eye. That combination of gentle warmth and flirtatious amusement that made his heart beat too fast and made his hopes raise too high. But Chanyeol was trying to see through it, to take Baekhyun's actions and words as the truth of what they were, as signs of friendship and nothing else.

 

"I remember it all Chanyeol. Everything. Probably too well." He sighed and stood up when the first few drops of rain fell from the sky. "You might be able to forget with your new life in your new home but I have to look at these memories every day of my life."

 

He started to walk away and Chanyeol got up to run after him. They walked the dirt road in silence, drops of rain evaporating as soon as they hit the warm earth, not lingering long enough to make the path muddy. The silence was as heavy as the sky with emotions threatening to spill free at any moment. But the road wasn't long enough and they arrived at the Park home just in time to see Sehun arriving home from University. He got out his car and Baekhyun went to him with a soft smile and Chanyeol abandoned the day for the solace of the house.

 

 

"Why were you together?" Sehun asked with a frown as Chanyeol disappeared into the house. "Sehun, we're friends, we were catching up. We've been apart for so long..." Baekhyun's voice faded as he lost his train of thought. They had a lot to catch up on and he was going to try his best to repair his friendship with Chanyeol.

 

But he couldn't ignore the darkening of Sehun's mood as it threatened to rival the gathering of the late afternoon storm in the sky.


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

Baekhyun lay awake as he stared at the roof. His childhood room in his family home gave him more comfort than the cold grey bedroom of his marriage ever had. But on this night he tossed and turned in the cozy single bed as he searched for a peace he couldn't find. He had toomany questions. In the end he gave up, threw a hoodie on over his bare chest, and headed down to the kitchen for tea.

 

He was surprised to find his Mum up on the couch. "The kettle's hot." She said and Baekhyun went to the kitchen and poured a hot cup. Probably not going to help either of them sleep but they weren't anyway. "Is Dad restless?" Baekhyun asked and she nodded. Sometimes his sleep was so deep she would check he was still breathing. Sometimes it was restless and fitful and she couldn't get any herself. Baekhyun knew she would still rather sit up awake than sleep somewhere else alone.

 

"Chanyeol came to see me." Baekhyun said and she smiled. "I saw him too." Baekhyun couldn't hide hs surprise. "When? Why didn't you tell me?" She put her hand on his back and rubbed it like he was twelve again. "He was walking past. I'm pretty sure he had been around the back under that tree you used to love when you were kids." Baekhyun sighed and she continued. "I really feel sorry for him. He's hurt Baekhyun. I don't know if you can ever go back to the way you were but he really needs a friend right now."

 

Baekhyun ran a hand through his hair and fell back against the couch. "What about me? What about all the times I needed a friend? He was off in the city becoming rich and famous and I was stuck here." "Yes Baekhyun. I know he left you with a lot of questions. But maybe it's time to move on."

 

 

——-

 

 

 

_"Im done." Taeyeon was in the bedroom throwing clothes and shoes wildly into a suitcase. "Don't bother." Baekhyun said coldly as he grabbed the case and upended the stuff back onto the bed. "I'm the one leaving. You can have it all. The house, the car, it's all yours. It's all you ever really wanted anyway." Her dark eyes flashed with a fierce mix of anger and triumph. "After all my family has done for you." She was seething as she picked the case up and began throwing his things inside it instead. "Imagine where you'd be if it wasn't for me. I made you who you are."_

_She began tossing his shirts and pants in the case as he stood and watched her in sadness. She began to laugh as she added shoes and pants and anything she could find. "If it wasn't for me and my family you'd be driving a rusted old work truck around helping old ladies pick out just the right variation of rose for their garden." Tears filled Baekhyun's eyes as he was struck with the reality of what she was saying. She was right. She had made him what he was. An empty shell of his true self, he hated his job as a small town lawyer and he hated his bland soulless home, and most of all he hated himself for changing so much._

_He missed who he used to be and suddenly he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. He began to quietly pick up his things and add them to the case. He was leaving. The last seven years had been a nightmare but when Chanyeol abandoned him for the city he turned to Taeyeon. She said the right things and did the right things and she made him feel special. She made him feel wanted and in Chanyeol's absence that was all he wanted._

_He'd been watching Chanyeol's star rise from afar, allowing the town gossip to reach his ears was unavoidable, sometimes checking gossip sites and social media. To his endless fascination Chanyeol had always remained single, just like when they were kids, the lure of a beautiful woman had no effect on him. He seemed to make friends easily and had a lot of friends in the Industry but never anyone special. Sometimes he wondered if Taeyeon was the only one for Chanyeol. Sometimes he wondered if the jokes and rumours about him being gay were true._

_As Baekhyun began to make his life his own again he couldn't stop thinking about Chanyeol. Memories of what they had haunted him everywhere he went. The nursery was full of happy thoughts, their childhood played out amongst pines and roses and violets, and their special hiding place around the back under the big willow tree. He sought comfort there when things got hard, when his Dad's illness overwhelmed him, when he faced the reality of having five years of marriage and nothing to show for it. He liked to walk around the back fence and trace his fingers across the bark and remember the day Chanyeol carved their initials into the bark. Every day he wondered if he just called him could they make things right? Could he get his best friend back in his life?_

_And then one day he picked up his phone and there was a link to a gossip site sent to him by Jongdae. He clicked the link and found a picture of Chanyeol proudly holding hands with another man. A short man, finely built and beautiful, with soulful dark eyes and full sweet lips. Chanyeol looked so happy as they walked along the busy city street seemingly uncaring about the fansites and media taking their picture. There was something about the way that Chanyeol looked in the photos that made Baekhyun see the old Chanyeol. And as he stared at a picture of Chanyeol holding this man in his arms he was reminded of how it felt to be that man, that short small man in Chanyeol's huge embrace, his tiny frame dwarfed by the giant's big body. He knew how it felt to press against Chanyeol's chest and feel his chin dig into the top of his head and he was suddenly overwhelmed with a longing for that feeling._

_A few weeks later when he ran into Sehun and he asked him out for coffee he said yes. He just wanted a little piece of what he used to have and being able to go to the Park house and drive up the driveway, say hello to Mr and Mrs Park, sit on the big porch out the front was almost enough. And when Sehun put his arms around Baekhyun's body, when he pulled the short and finely built man into his huge embrace, when he pressed his chin into the top of Baekhyun's head and Baekhyun inhaled the clean lemon scent of Sehun's tshirt it was almost enough._

_Almost._

 

 

——-

 

 

Baekhyun hadn't even realised he had started to cry. He curled up in ball with his head on her lap as she stroked his hair softly like he was six again. Baekhyun had rarely let himself cry and all the emotions of the last year suddenly crept up and overwhelmed him. His Dad, his divorce, the reappearance of Chanyeol in his life. It was too much. He needed to get the truth because the one thing he had realised was that he needed Chanyeol back in his life and he needed the truth of what really happened and he didn't know where to start.


	16. Chapter 16

 

The next day the whole family was buzzing. Everyone was here and the family reunion was scheduled for the next night. The local hall had been booked and Chanyeol wasn't looking forward to being inundated with relatives he hardly knew. To most of them he was just a curiosity, just a rich and famous cousin to be stared at like some sort of zoo animal, just an outlier in their family of regular people. "We're going out for dinner tonight with your grandparents." Chanyeol's mother called out from her regular place in the kitchen as Chanyeol wandered downstairs. Sehun was at university and his dad was at work and something was drawing Chanyeol to relive his pain outside his old school. He had become suddenly aware of his need for catharsis, for closure, and most of all for acceptance. And he needed to go back to find if.

 

He walked again. Cars weren't really necessary in this small town. Nothing was more than a fifteen minute walk away and Chanyeol chuckled as he called past the bakery. He needed to walk off all the baked treats he had been buying anyway. He walked along the road eating his beesting, past the nursery and around the corner, and finally across the oval to the school. He sat outside as he wiped his hands with the wipes he had the foresight to bring and opened his can of Coke. He thought being back here would make him feel sadder but he remembered he had more happy memories here than sad.

 

Chanyeol's ill fated season on the basketball team with Baekhyun laughing on from the sidelines. Just because he was tall didn't mean he was good and after many falls and missed passes he gave up on that hobby.

 

Baekhyun catching a tea towel on fire during home economics and setting off the fire alarms, Chanyeol panicking and tossing the tea towel into a bin, Minseok screaming and throwing a bucket of water over the bin and the floor.

 

Baekhyun and Jongdae's constant pranks. At the time they used to drive Chanyeol crazy but what he wouldn't give to have that back. To be able to relive Baekhyun's hysterical laughter.

 

The end of year formal when Baekhyun had just broken up with Taeyeon, again, and Chanyeol knocked back every girl that asked him to be her date, and they went together. Dressed up in their suits they had the best time, dancing and making fun of people, getting drunk at the after party and trying to sneak their way in to Baekhyun's house where they were supposed to be spending the night.

 

So many happy memories. But there was one particular bad one, the one that changed everything, the last day.

 

——-

 

 

_Chanyeol was torn. Confess to his best friend in tears and risk losing it all? Lie and pretend he wanted his best friend's girlfriend? What would be worse? Chanyeol chose neither and ran out of the school in tears. Once he made it outside he dropped to his knees on the grass and tried to regain his composure. He didn't even hear footsteps behind him until Kris was next to him on the grass._

_"I'm right aren't I?" he asked with a smirk. "Gay. Totally gay." He chuckled to himself and Chanyeol began to cry again. "Fuck off Kris. You would know!" He pushed the other boy backwards onto the grass and got up. "I knew it. You're not even trying to deny it anymore." Kris was laughing. "Anyway stay away from Baekhyun and Taeyeon. He'll never want you and she's sick of you getting in between them." Chanyeol turned to him with fire in his eyes but it was quickly quenched when the slightly taller boy stood up and challenged him. "Let Taeyeon have him Chanyeol. Stop standing in their way. He's supposed to be your best friend so why can't you just let him be happy? Always clinging on to him, never giving him any space, it's actually really pathetic..." The words turned into a blur as Chanyeol began to run before slowing to a walk._

_Kris was right. What was he thinking? Could he really have thought that when faced with the choice between him and Taeyeon Baekhyun would choose him? He shook his thick mop of hair as he walked along the lonely road home._

_Across the oval, behind the nursery, down the main road of town._

_Away from it all. Away from hurt and humiliation, disappointment and rejection, and most of all away from ruining his best friends happiness._

 

 

——-

 

 

Memories faded as Chanyeol heard a snappy voice behind him. "Park Chanyeol. You've got some nerve." He turned to see his friend, former friend he should say, staring him down. Chanyeol knew that the gentle welcome he got from Minseok wouldn't be granted from Jongdae as well. Chanyeol smiled at him and received a fierce narrowed glare in return. "Hi Jongdae." He said. "It's been a long time." Chanyeol wasn't really surprised that his friend who always loved school ended up as a teacher at their old high school. Jongdae never wanted to grow up and leave school and now he didn't have to.

 

"8 years and that's all I get?" Jongdae rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Seriously. Did you think it was just going to be fine? Abandon us for your amazing lifestyle of the rich and famous?" Jongdae narrowed his eyes again. "Minseok might be able to forgive you, to put it in the past, but I can't Chanyeol. Not when I've had to spend the last eight years standing in your spot." He sighed as hurt washed over Chanyeol's face. "You ruined himj Chanyeol. He needed you. We all did, but Baekhyun, it was different for him. He changed when you left. He needed you around to stop him from making the wrong choices and you weren't there." "I'm sorry. Ok? I'm so fucking sorry. But I can't change the past." Chanyeol felt helpless in the face of his friends anger but he stood there and took it because he knew he deserved it.

 

"Why?" Jongdae had calmed down enough to ask the question on everyone's mind. But Chanyeol couldn't answer him truthfully. He was still so afraid, the rejection and humiliation, the fear of exposure just as real now as it had been all those years ago. "I was just in the way." He sighed. "I couldn't stay and get in the way of his happiness." He turned to walk away and was surprised to feel Jongdae grab his arm to stop him. "What are you talking about Chanyeol?" Jongdae shook his head in confusion and let out a sad laugh of exasperation. "You were his happiness. And when you left him you took his joy with you. He was never the same."

 

Jongdae took a deep breath as his voice trembled. "He's been through so much Chanyeol. If you had just stayed in his life, I don't know, maybe he wouldn't have wasted all those years with that mean bitch. Maybe he would have followed you to the city....." Jongdae frowned again. "I know you're not telling the full story Chanyeol. Come back when you're ready to be honest and maybe we can start to be friends again."

 

And with that he turned and walked away from Chanyeol and Chanyeol realised he was starting to understand how they all felt when he walked out on them.


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

He stared in the mirror and a stranger stared back.

 

_I only wanted him to be happy._

_I was in the way._

_I only wanted him to be happy._

 

He ran his hands through his flame-red hair and stared. Jongdae was right. It should have been him by his side through it all. He should have just accepted where his place was. It was not in his arms it was by his side to support him, through the marriage and divorce, through his studies and his career, through sickness and health and for better or for worse. If he had just been happy to step back and take on the supporting role in Baekhyun's life everything would have been fine. If he'd just swallowed his pride and his feelings he never would have thought about confessing. And he never would have walked out on him.

 

He never should have craved the spotlight of Baekhyun's attention.

 

 

Selfish

 

Immature

 

Hurtful

 

 

 

He had been all those things.

 

But eight years of hard work and stoic loneliness had tempered Chanyeol's selfishness. He decided it was time to come clean, to apologise, to be truthful and accept his place. He would be happy now just to have Baekhyun back in his life. He could be in the background, support and encourage, really be there as a best friend should. He had given up the spotlight once to Taeyeon and he would do it again for his brother's own happiness and his best friends as well. He would let them be happy. They deserved it. He deserved nothing.

 

 

——-

 

 

_The life of a trainee was hard. He made friends at the company but he was always training to be a solo artist and didn't really become close to anyone. He didn't really want to. He only had room in his heart for his memories._

_He trained and worked and eventually debuted. His first album was critically acclaimed. 9 tracks of loneliness, pain, of soul destroying heartbreak. 9 songs written for the only person ever on his mind. Even three years after he left, at age 21 and living alone in a luxury apartment, inside he was still that boy who wanted nothing more than to be noticed by the love of his life. He had debated going home many times. Just to catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's shiny dark hair across the crowded coffee shop. To see him drive past in his late model car wearing a neat dark suit. But he knew he would have to see them together. His mind flashed back to a boy and a girl, eyes only for each other, not even noticing as a car they were both familiar with drove slowly by._

_He couldn't do it. He just wanted him to be happy. He stayed away._

_He was happy alone. He knocked back beautiful woman after beautiful woman. Models, singers, actors. None of them held any appeal. But one night, bored and half drunk at another industry event, a small dark haired man approached him with a smile. He was short and finely built, with a sassy attitude and a sway to his step that felt like home to Chanyeol. He fell fast and hard, not with Kyungsoo, but with the tangible hint of what he had never been able to have. They dated and held hands, went to events and dinners, paraded their blossoming love for the cameras and the media and their fans. Chanyeol convinced himself he was happy._

_This wasn't a consolation prize, it wasn't second best, it wasn't settling. He was in love._

_He was in love with his memories which he tried desperately to breathe into life with his relationship with Kyungsoo. And the other man knew. Kyungsoo knew. He could feel it every time they held each other. Chanyeol's mind and heart were miles away._

 

 

——-

 

 

Chanyeol snapped out of his memories and stared at his reflection.

 

Honest and harsh reflection and introspection wasn't what he came here for. But it was what he found among the seeds of yesterday that had grown into the loneliness of tomorrow.

 

 

 

Chanyeol walked out of the bathroom and sat on his bed. He was dressed and ready for the dinner. He didn't know if Sehun had invited Baekhyun but he was pretty sure he would want to parade his new boyfriend in front of the family, hold him by the arm, show him off as much as possible. Everyone in their family loved Baekhyun. He had always belonged.

 

"Chanyeol. Are you ready?" he hear his mum call through the door. He shook his head. "I've got to quickly do something. Go ahead without me. I'll drive myself."

 

He opened his email and started a new message to Suho.

 

**_Please have this personal message posted on my website and social media as soon as possible:_ **

****

**_To my fans, the media, and the general public_ **

****

**_Please accept this as a personal message from myself, Park Chanyeol, in regard to my recent relationship breakdown with Do Kyungsoo._ **

****

**_I accept personal responsibility for our breakup and do not wish any blame to be placed upon Kyungsoo, or Kim Jongin, by fans or the media. Please stop blaming Kyungsoo and portraying him as the one in the wrong._ **

****

**_Kyungsoo is a wonderful person, kind and generous, and only guilty of trying to love someone who couldn't give back._ **

****

**_I cannot have blame placed on him for finding comfort in the arms of someone else when truthfully my mind and heart have always belonged to another._ **

****

**_I ask you, my fans and the media, to please accept the truth of my words and leave Kyungsoo and Jongin alone. I wish them all the happiness in the world. I can think of no one else more deserving._ **

****

 

 

**_Regards_ **

****

**_Park Chanyeol._ **

 

 

 

He hit 'send' on the email and ignored two calls from Suho. He sent a text message telling Suho not to disregard or disagree with him. This was his decision to make. He wanted everyone to know it wasn't his fault.

 

He left the house and got into his car and drove to the dinner at the local restaurant. Relief washed over him as he saw Sehun sitting by himself, alone in his rightful place by his grandmother's side, the family's pride and joy. "Chanyeol. Come sit here!" His grandfather beckoned to him and he went to sit by him and, with his phone switched off, the dinner was pleasantly uneventful.

 

 

  

And Baekhyun, just down the road, was outside under the tree. The big tree behind the nursery, where he liked to go and think, where he went to make sense of his increasingly confusing world.

 

He clutched his phone tightly in his soft white hand. Dirt stained his nails and his cuticles were dry. But his fingers were heavy as he scrolled over the words. Over and over and over.

 

I cannot have blame placed on him for finding comfort in the arms of someone else when truthfully my mind and heart have always belonged to another.

 

Why did Chanyeol keep denying it? Why couldn't he just be honest? Baekhyun knew it was her and he honestly didn't care. Taeyeon was the furtherest thing from his mind.

 

He just wanted Chanyeol back in his life. No matter the cost.


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

The day of the reunion had finally arrived. Chanyeol felt much lighter after making his public announcement. Speculation about the other person in his life was rippling through the media but he was relatively immune where he was. Growing up he always felt like this town was too small, it was stifling and suffocating, it was constricting. Now it felt liberating.

 

He knew that Baekhyun was coming to the reunion. Even if he wasn't seeing Sehun he probably would have been invited anyway. He was almost part of the family and everyone loved him. His sweet nature and charming personality swept everyone under his spell. Not just Chanyeol, everyone who met him, there was no immunity to Baekhyun's natural charisma.

 

And now that Chanyeol had made peace with his decision he felt free. Free to be his friend again, free to have Baekhyun back in his life, free from his heartbreaking feelings of rejection and grief. He was going to be a good friend. And he was going to be the best friend he could be.

 

He was going to start by visiting Baekhyun's Dad and seeing what he could do to make things easier on Baekhyun's parents. They had almost raised him, never turned their backs on his needs, and he could never forget that it was Baekhyun's Dad who found his precious guitar dusty and unloved in the corner of a second hand store all those years ago.

 

Next he was going to tell Baekhyun and Sehun that he supported them. That he would do anything he could to ensure their happiness. He would make sure that things worked out for them the way they never did for Chanyeol. Baekhyun deserved happiness and if it was in Sehun's arms then so be it. Chanyeol would accept it and do whatever he could to make sure they could be happy.

 

He dressed in his best clothing. A neat button up black shirt tucked into the narrow waist of his slim black dress pants. He rolled the sleeves up and added his watch. When he opened the little zip up bag he liked to carry his jewellery in he saw the ring box lying abandoned in the bottom. Purchased for Kyungsoo, he had been too emotional to even think of returning it, but now he could think with a clear mind. He decided to give it to Sehun. It didn't seem quite right for Baekhyun but it was beautiful and expensive and it deserved to be used. He wasn't really sure of the depths of his brother's feelings but he could hold onto it for a little while and when the time came and he needed a ring he would have one that was beautiful and expensive and precious enough to deserve its place on Baekhyuns soft white hand.

 

It was so expensive they could probably sell it and pay for a whole wedding. Or a honeymoon somewhere special. Or even a deposit for their own little home. Chanyeol didn't care. They could have it for whatever they needed. Chanyeol would make sure they had whatever they needed to be happy.

 

He fixed his hair and added his favorite aftershave. He looked good and he knew it and it made him feel a little better to walk in with confidence. And he was finally ready to face it.

 

 

When he walked in they were already there. Everyone was. A few turned to stare at him, a few whispered, even amongst his family he couldn't escape the novelty of celiebrity. It followed him into every aspect of his life. But they were all happy to down glasses of the pricey champagne he had payed for without them even knowing. He walked alone among them, foregoing food in favour of a drink, solitary until he saw him standing there.

 

Baekhyun was perfect. His shiny dark hair was almost glittering under the lights of the town hall they had hired for the party. His white shirt was plain but it fit him well and the sleeves were turned back in a coincidental imitation of Chaneyols own style. His charcoal grey pants were fitted nicely to his body and the two glasses of champagne Chanyeol had already consumed made his head fuzzy at the sight. He had almost forgot how much Baekhyun's beauty and his sensuality affected him but it soon came flooding back with the rush of alcohol.

 

"Hey!" Chanyeol smiled brightly at Baekhyun and almost melted when he smiled back. But even with the warmth of the champagne in his belly he never forgot his purpose. To stand at his side and be his friend and push his own feelings deep down where they couldn't hurt anyone ever again. They shared another round of champagne and they years began to slip away as they remembered the times, good and bad, but mostly good.

 

"Remember when Jongdae convinced us to toilet paper the whole courtyard!" Baekhyun began to giggle and couldn't even get the words out properly. Chanyeol looked for the waiter, leaned over the bar and helped himself to two more glasses, handing one to Baekhyun. "Yes!" Chanyeol's voice was getting louder with each glass.

 

"Remember when we had that heat wave and the creek was empty and we jumped the fence and sneaked into the school pool!"

 

Chanyeol smiled when they were interrupted by Sehun who slipped in next to his small boyfriend and put an arm possessively around his shoulder. Chanyeol failed to notice Baekhyun's slight flinch. He never saw his face fall when Chanyeol found his cigarettes and turned to walk outside. "I'll leave you guys alone now." He said softly. He didn't want to be in the way.

 

He leaned on the wall outside and drew in a deep drag of the smoke. He had taken his champagne with him. He didn't remember if it was glass number four or five but he felt warm and happy inside. He was doing the right thing. Baekhyun was back in his life and just an hour or so of conversation was enough to make his heart swell with happiness. Baekhyun was his joy, he was the light inside Chanyeol, and it was wonderful to feel it burning bright again.

 

 

 

 

Inside, the tension was high, and Sehun wasn't happy. Baekhyun could tell. But he was growing tired already of the boy's immature ways and he didn't know what he was thinking when he started dating the younger man. He had mistaken his quiet nature for a reserved maturity and he was only now starting to see that he was mistaken.

 

"You look too friendly." Sehun sulked into his lemonade. "We're friends Sehun. Best friends. After all that happened between us I still don't have any answers. But I'm just happy to have him back in my life. I need him." Baekhyun reached for another glass of champage and on a whim grabbed two. He was warm inside and had lost count of how many glasses he'd already had. His tolerance was low at the best of times and all he knew was that he wanted to be with Chanyeol, who was happy and fun and free, not standing here with Sehun sulking like a baby. The alcohol in his system had eroded Baekhyun's patience and he grabbed the two glasses and walked outside.

 

"Don't you walk away from me." Sehun yelled as he followed him outside. His mood was awful and Baekhyun just wanted to get away. "You're not my boss Sehun. I'll go talk to my friend if I want." Baekhyun's words were slightly slurred but his steps were steady and he turned to walk towards Chanyeol leaning over on the fence. "Why are you so jealous of my best friend? And your own brother?"

 

"Because!" Sehun was yelling as he trailed Baekhyun towards Chanyeol. Chanyeol seemed fixed to the spot in surprise as the two men got closer and closer to him. Like an approaching thunderstorm, rolling in from the west, the arguing men got closer. Chaneyol frowned when he saw Sehun grab Baekhyun roughly by the arm and one glass of champagne hit the ground. He heard Baekhyun, yelling now, his voice wavering with alcohol and emotion. "What is your problem. Why are you so jealous of Chanyeol?"

 

"Because!" Sehun yelled back. "Because he's in love with you. He always has been!"

 

Chaneyol just stood open mouthed while the second glass hit the ground.


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

Baekhyun's face wore a million different emotions as he turned from one brother to the other. "Is this true?" he stared at Chanyeol who just nodded. He was done lying. He had to be honest. "Why didn't you tell me?" Tears filled his eyes as he turned to the other. "And you knew? You knew this all along? And you kissed me and held me and put your hands on my body? You knew all along and you let me wonder why?" Sehun flushed with embarrassment as Chanyeol's expression darkened.

 

Baekhyun's head was spinning. The champagne didn't help. He looked around from one to the other and it was his turn to run. "Don't follow me." He hissed at them both as he walked away. The cool clear night cleared his mind as he walked along the empty street towards his home.

 

He cursed himself as he walked slowly and anger built inside. How stupid was he? It all suddenly made sense. Everything. It was like he had been staring at a puzzle with a missing piece and he finally held it in his hand. But instead of feeling satisfiying it was confusing. Bile suddenly rose in Baekhyun's chest and he stopped to empty his stomach behind a tree. He vomited and untucked his shirt and used it to wipe the sweat from his forehead before continuing home.

 

He walked past the café and the bakery, past the nursery, around the back to the big tree. His favorite place to come and think never failed him. He ran his fingers across the deep cuts in the bark and remembered the day Chanyeol had carved their initials. He remembered his joke about the heart and the flush across Chanyeol's cheeks still cutely chubby with the baby fat of preadolescence.

 

He remembered it all.

 

The lingering looks. The constant laughter and joy injected into his life. The hugs and the movies and the walks down by the creek. The many times Taeyeon had broken him to pieces and Chanyeol put him back together. And that day, that final day of school, when he had been so weak. When he had taken her side over Chanyeol's after all he had done for him.

 

Cold bitter regret washed over Baekhyun's body as he sat down on the grass below the tree. He leaned against the trunk and tears dripped from his eyes when he realised what he had done. He spent the last eight years letting anger and selfishness consume him, mad at Chanyeol for leaving him, irritated that his friend wasn't there for him like he thought he should be. But he was the one who had taken Chanyeol for granted. All through their teenage years it was always him needing Chanyeol. Him leaning on him, relying on him, taking from him while barely giving anything in return. And despite his selfishness Chanyeol somehow fell in love with him.

 

Chanyeol fell in love with a selfish boy, he loved him and worshipped him and was always there for him, and all Baekhyun did was flaunt his love for Taeyeon in front of him.

 

It must have been hell for Chanyeol, Baekhyun realised, helping him to pick up the pieces of his broken heart every time Taeyeon toyed with him, played with his emotions, discarded him like trash.

 

And then that day.

 

That final day.

 

 

——-

 

 

_Taeyeon dissolved into giggles as Chanyeol ran away. "Oh my god. What a baby!" She laughed. "Baek how are you friends with him? He's so weird." Kris laughed as well. "I'll go see if he's okay. I shouldn't have teased him. I'll go and convince him to come to the party. Ok?" Taeyeon smiled her winning grin at her friend and then at Baekhyun's worried face. "See. Kris will fix it. He'll be fine. He'll show up at the party and we'll all have a great time." Baekhyun shook his head. "I really should go after him..." But her soft hand entwined with his and when he looked into her deep brown eyes he was lost in a world of childish infatuation. And he didn't go after Chanyeol._

_And he had no idea how much he would grow to hate those cold brown eyes that never gave him any warmth or comfort the way Chanyeol's always did._

 

 

 

——-

 

 

 

 

"You're so fucking stupid!" Chanyeol exploded at his spoiled sulking brother. "Why did you have to tell him that? You could have just kept your mouth shut and made him happy." Tears spilled from Chanyeol's eyes. Tears of anger, shame, and relief. It was all out there now. He felt exposed, vulnerable, but most of all he felt free. "I had already stepped aside Sehun, I was just going to go back to the city, I wasn't going to tell him. I would have let you both be happy." His voice trembled with emotion as he took a deep breath. "I was even going to give you the ring I bought for Kyungsoo..." He wiped his cheeks with his hands and stared up at the sky. It was clear and crisp and beautiful. A perfect night to have your heart ripped out of your chest.

 

"Why did you have to come back?" Sehun thundered. "We were fine until you got here. How can I compete when you're around? You show up with your expensive shit and your red hair and your fucking hit album, and I'm nothing, just some bored fucking small town Uni student with nothing. I'm not rich or famous or talented. I don't have a number one song or a fucking magazine cover." Sehun was wild and angry but stoic and he never let a single tear fall. "He was the only thing I could take that you wanted." Sehun sneered. "I just wanted to have something...."

 

His chest heaved and as much as Chanyeol wanted to punch him in the face something stopped him. "I'm sorry Sehun. I'm sorry if you're jealous but I can't help that. I can't change the way you feel. I've worked hard to get where I am and to get the things I have and, you know I have all this stuff, but not the only thing I've ever really wanted." He sighed as he put his arm out and tried to bridge the distance between them that had always been there. "You have your own strengths and talents. And if Baekhyun choses you then I'll be happy for you." He sighed as he felt the reality and honesty of his feelings finally bubble to the surface and spill over. "But I need to be honest with him."

 

"Where are you going?" Sehun called out as Chanyeol turned and began to walk away. "He told us not to follow him."

 

"I'm going after him Sehun. I have to have a chance to talk it out. I'm not going to make the same mistake he did."

 

And Chanyeol took off into the night without looking back.


	20. Chapter 20

 

 

 

Chanyeol walked the path he knew Baekhyun would have walked. He knew where he had gone and where to find him. He wandered along the street shrouded in darkness not caring that he had just walked out on his family reunion. All he cared about was the fact that eight years ago he had run away in tears and no one came for him. He wasn't going to let that happen again. This time he was going to make it right.

 

He walked past the bakery, past the nursery, around the back of the fence to the big tree. And he was right. There was Baekhyun, flat on his back on the grass, his arms spread over his head. "Hi." Chanyeol said tentatively as he sat next to him. "Hi." Baekhyun responded as he sat up. For a long time no one spoke as the words unsaid hung heavy and thick in the cloudy atmosphere between them. "How long?" Baekhyun finally spoke. "Consciously? Thirteen years. Unconsciously? Probably forever." Chanyeol sighed. He rested his head on his knees as he drew them close to his chest. "You know, I was so stupid, it was right in front of me all along." Baekhyun said as he laid back down and stared at the few stars peeking through the thick verdant branches bowering over them. "I always knew you had jealousy in you. I could feel it, it was always around us, ever since we were fifteen. But I thought you wanted her...." Baekhyun's voice trailed off as he thought hard.

 

"I thought you were jealous of me. But you were jealous of her. My God, Chanyeol, it must have been killing you. Everytime she treated me like shit, everytime she broke my heart, you were always there for me. " Baekhyun began to cry. "I flaunted my crush right in front of you and you never once resented me or lost patience." The smaller man sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Fuck. All those fucking double dates with her friends. Why did you put up with it?" The answer broke him. "I just wanted to be near you." Chanyeol admitted and Baekhyun sobbed.

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" he hiccupped. The combination of alcohol and emotion was overwhwelming and his body shook as he spoke. "I was going to. The last day of school. I was going to tell you that night. You had sworn you were done with her and I planned it all out, I was going to confess to you Baekhyun, I was ready to take the risk." Chanyeol had been doing a great job of holding it together but this was the point of no return and as he crossed it he broke as well. Huge silent tears poured from his eyes. He didn't sniff or hiccup or sob. His tears were as silent as they were painful as they ran rivers down his soft cheeks.

 

"I was going to tell you but then I found you and you were with them, and her, and it was all wrong. It was so wrong...." Chanyeol's body couldn't hold up any more and he found himself flat on his back beside Baekhun with tears still slowly dripping free from his tired eyes. "Maybe it worked out better anyway. Would you have accepted me Baekhyun? Would you have given me a chance?"

 

Baekhyun took a deep breath while he thought hard. The past washed over him like a cleansing rain but with it came the realisation that he used to be young and immature, selfish and self centered, and bad at making decisions. And he had to be honest. "No," he said, and it was true. "Not then. But if you hadn't left the way you did, I don't know...." Baekhyun didn't have the end of that sentence. He didn't know. Neither of them did. What would have happened if Chanyeol hadn't left, if Baekhyun hadn't gone to the party, if he never married Taeyeon, if Chanyeol had come back more often? No one knew how things would have worked out.

 

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Baekhyun's voice was small in the darkness but the hand that found his was big and warm and calloused from years of plucking the strings of expensive guitars. "I'm sorry too." Chanyeol said and he began to laugh. "We're pretty much a pair of idiots aren't we!" Baekhyun began to laugh too and just like that the mood was broken, the sombre clouds of years of hurt and loneliness and longing dispersed, the laughter of two men breaking it apart like beams of blinding sunlight.

 

"I wasn't going to say anything." Chanyeol said. "I was going to let Sehun make you happy. I was even going to give him a ring for you." Baekhyun felt chills up his spine and he shook his head in confusion. "Why? Why would you do that?" Chanyeol stared into the leaves of the tree as he replied. "That day, the day I ran out on you at school, Kris followed me." "I know," Baekhyun said. "He went to talk you into coming to his party and apologise for making fun of you."

 

"Well that's not exacty what happened. He accused me of being gay, which I was, but also threatened me to stay out of Taeyeon's way. He said it was my fault you kept breaking up, that I was always in the way, that I was ruining your happiness. I wasn't going to do that again. I wasn't going to stand in the way of your happiness."

 

Baekhyun groaned. He never should have trusted Kris. He knew all along he should have gone after Chanyeol that day and made it right. But the past was the past and it couldn't be changed. Instead he lay in the dark and squeezed the hand of his best friend who he needed back in his life. "It was just a stupid crush. Childish feelings that in the end meant nothing. You weren't in the way of my happiness Chanyeol. You were my happiness. When you left all the light went out of my life. Everything that could go wrong did. I never should have changed to study Law at University. You would have told me what a stupid decision that was. I never should have married her. You would have reminded me of all the times she hurt me."

 

Baekhyun rolled into Chanyeol's body and laid his head on Chanyeol's chest. The comfort he had been seeking, misplaced in his affections for Sehun, was found at last as the years slipped away and realisation filled Baekhyun's heart. "I never really wanted Sehun. He was just the closest thing I could get to having you back in my life." Baekhyun admitted. He buried his face in the cool linen of Chanyeol's shirt and inhaled that scent he had been craving, the combination of lemon and cotton and Chanyeol, and his body finally relaxed. In the damp earth, beneath their favorite tree, their friendship was renewed.

 

"Do you still love me?" Baekhyun asked after a long still silence. "Yes. I never stopped." Chanyeol admitted as his fingers found their own comfort in Baekhyun's soft dark hair and his heart found comfort in the soft acceptance of Baekhyun's body moving a little closer.


	21. Chapter 21

 

 

"What do we do now?" Baekhyun asked quietly as the stars hung heavy overhead and the damp earth seeped cold into their bones. " I don't know. I didn't come here to ask you to accept me Baekhyun. I just want us to go back to the way we used to be." He pulled the small man closer and stroked his soft hair and inhaled the scent he loved most in the world. Lavendar and lilac and earth and sun. Baekhyun smelled like everything that was good in the world and Chanyeol relaxed as he held him.

 

"I don't expect anything from you. I just want to have you in my life. I just want to be able to come here and hang out with you. I want to walk by the creek and eat cakes from the bakery and just be together like we used to be." Chanyeol sighed as Baekhyun sat up and he did too. "I was fine with the way things were. I'm used to it Baekhyun. I don't need you to feel the same."

 

The smile they shared melted away the years. "Want to go inside and make some food?" Baekhyun grinned and got up. "Won't we wake your parents?" Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun laughed. "Dad wont wake up and so what if Mum does? We're adults now Chanyeol we're allowed to be drunk!" he squealed with a sudden and uncontrollable laughter and it was infectious. Chanyeol joined in and soon the two were chuckling as they sneaked quietly in through the back door of the little house attached to the nursery. "Do you still like nachos?" Baekhyun asked as they entered the kitchen and Chanyeol responded with a smile.

 

 

——-

 

 

" _Shhhhhh!" Baekhyun whispered loudly before dissolving into the giggles. In that very moment there was nothing funnier than the sight of his tall friend, now sixteen and all arms and legs and ears, trying to sneak quietly throught the little house Baekhyun lived in with his parents. They had been out at a party but ended up leaving and drinking with Jongdae and Minseok down by the creek and it had taken them three times the usual time to walk the length of the town's main street. Chanyeol kept stopping to look at the stars, mumbling musings and imaginations about different songs he wanted to write, and Baekhyun just found everything that came out of his mouth hilarious._

_"What do you want to eat?" Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol bumped into the wall, the table and the doorframe on his way to the kitchen behind him. He opened the fridge and began to get out sour cream and jalapenos and avocadoes. "lets make nachos!" he giggled excitedly as Chanyeol searched the cupboards for the corn chips and salsa. They found a big bowl in the kitchen cupboard and laughed as they poured the chips out, covering them with salsa and grated cheese and topings until the chips had totally disappeared under the pile of condiments._

_Baekhyun microwaved the snack until the cheese melted and went to grab it out. "Ah hot!" he shrieked and pulled his hands back and Chanyeol came to the rescue with a tea towel to use and pulled it out. "We cant eat this in my room." Baekhyun whispered. "Let's go outside."_

_They tried to move quietly out to the nursery but Chanyeol's big feet kicked every piece of furniture on the way just making Baekhyun laugh harder. They finally made their way out into the freedom of the night and sat up the back on the ground leaning on the flower beds containing potted lavender and pine trees. The best spot in the nursery. It was a warm night and the stars were fast disappearing as clouds rolled in from the east and they stuffed the nachos into their mouths like they hadn't eaten in weeks._

_"Did you see her flirting with him?" Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol nodded with his cheeks full of food. He chewed quickly and swallowed and prepared himself for what was coming. Baekhyun was an emotional drunk, he usually cried and would eventually throw up, before Chanyeol would carry him up to his bed. He knew it was coming and it still broke his heart every time._

_Baekhyun began to cry, quietly at first, but soon his body was shaking with sobs as corn chips flew out his mouth and spilled onto his shirt. "Why? We just broke up again. And she was flirting with him right in front of me. She was all over him Chanyeol." Chanyeol sighed and put the bowl of nachos down. "I know." was all he could say as he put his arm around his sad drunk friend. "Chew your food Baek." Chaneyol said and Baekhyun chewed his mouthful of nachos and swallowed. "Do you want to be sick?" Chanyeol asked as he balanced Baekhyun with one arm and the almost-empty nachos with the other. Baekhyun shook his head. Chanyeol half carried him through the nursery, through the kitchen, and up the stairs to the bedroom._

_As soon as Chanyeol laid him on his bed Baekhyun sat up. "I'm going to be sick." He said as he went pale and Chanyeol scooped him back up and dragged him to the bathroom. He sat next to him on the floor as Baekhyun emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl. He washed his face and helped him rinse his mouth out. And when he laid him back down on the bed so he could take the mattress on the floor Baekhyun wouldn't let go of him. "Sleep up here with me." He whispered and Chanyeol complied. He climbed onto the bed and shifted close to Baekhyun who rolled over and put his head on Chanyeol's chest._

_"Why doesn't she love me?" Baekhyun whispered and Chanyeol's heart clenched in his chest. It hurt so much and he gave the only honest answer he could. "I don't know Baek. I don't know why she doesn't love you." Because in that moment he didn't know. He didn't understand how anyone couldn't love the precious boy snuggled against his chest. He ran his fingers through Baekhyun's hair and felt him drift off to sleep in his arms. "But I love you and I wish that was enough." He whispered to the sleeping boy who never heard him as he laid his head on his heart._

 

 

——-

 

 

"What do we do now?" Baekhyun asked after they made their nachos with minimal noise. They took them out into the heavy atmosphere outside. No stars were visible through the thick cloud cover and there wasn't even a hint of a breeze. "I guess we just eat." Chanyeol said as he lifted a corn chip dripping with cheese towards his mouth. Baekhyun watched him close his eyes in satisfaction as he crunched the chip and he couldn't stop the smile from playing across his lips.

 

He knew what he had to do. It wasn't going to be pretty but it was his own fault anyway. Baekhyun knew as he watched Chanyeol stuff nachos into his mouth, spilling salsa all over the front of his expensive dress shirt, that he had to end things with Sehun.

 

It wasn't fair on either of them.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

 

Chanyeol woke up with a headache, still dressed in his good shirt and boxers, his black shirt stained with nacho cheese and salsa. He had to laugh. But when he sat up and remembered the night before he wanted to cry.

 

 _Baekhyun knew_.

 

They could never go back now. Things could never be the way they were. But they couldn't anyway. Childish feelings had to be put aside to make way for adult emotions. It was time to grow up. It was time to leave the past behind.

 

Chanyeol showered and washed the feeling of the night before off his skin. Now he had to face them all. His parents. Baekhyun. Sehun. He stared again at himself in the mirror. Reflection and introspection were brutal. But he had faced it and dealt with it and now it was time to move on. Time to deal with the present.

 

Time to say goodbye to yesterday.

 

"Hi Mum." He said as he sat heavily at the table. "Sorry for leaving early last night." She smiled as she put a cup of coffee in front of him and he sipped at it gratefully. "Sehun was pretty upset last night. He said you guys fought." She sat next to him and Chanyeol slammed his coffee cup down in an uncharacteristic display of frustration. "Is that what he said? Did he tell you he outed me to Baekhyun? That I was finally making progress, that Baekhyun and I were having a great time just catching up, and he got jealous." Chanyeol, usually so calm and quiet, was losing it fast. "He got jealous and was awful to Baek and then he fucking outed me. He told him I was in love with him."

 

He felt the soothing hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off. "No. Don't bother. Everyone always takes his side. Sehun can do no wrong around here and I'm over it." Chanyeol took his coffee cup and found his packet of cigarettes and walked outside into the cold.

 

He stil had a few more days left but he debated getting in his car and driving away and leaving all this behind. It was too hard. He had already taken the easy option and ran away once. He could do it again so easily. But when he looked up from the swirling steam of his coffee and saw Baekhyun walking towards him he knew he couldn't.

 

"Hi." Chanyeol said quietly as Baekhyun stood next to him. "Hi." Baekhyun replied. They stood in a comforting silence while Chanyeol smoked his cigarette and threw the butt onto the grass below. "We need to talk. But I need to talk to him first." Chanyeol just nodded. He hadn't asked Baekhyun what he was going to say or do about Sehun. It was his business to deal with. But out in the cold crisp morning Chanyeol made a decision of his own. He knew what he was going to do. He didn't have long and he had to make the most of what little time he had."

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun walked inside without knocking. "Hi Mrs Park." He flushed with shame as she smiled brightly at him. She was so nice. He wondered how she had managed to always be so kind to him knowing that he was the source of so much unhappiness for Chanyeol. "Is Sehun here?" he asked quietly and she indicated the stairs as he was in his room. He climbed them quickly and knocked on the door and got a curt 'go away' in response.

 

"It's me. I'm coming in." Baekhyun opened the door and found Sehun on his bed. "Are you here to break up with me?" Sehun asked and Baekhyun had to admire his directness no matter how much it stung. "I think so." Baekhyun said as he sat on the bed. "Be honest Sehun. Did you ever really like me? Or was I just a way for you to try and beat Chanyeol at something?" Sehun frowned and thought hard.

 

 

——

 

 

_Sehun pressed his ear against the door. He could hear the beautiful melodic sounds coming from inside the room as his big brother coaxed the notes from his precious guitar. It sounded amazing. He wished he was good at something. He listened to the soft murmurings of conversation as Baekhyun gave his critiques of Chanyeol's latest songwriting project and he heard both boys start to laugh and Chanyeol start to play again._

_By the time he was thirteen he had tried it all. Music, marital arts, sports. He was average at best, a failure at most, and he just couldn't find that passion that Chanyeol showed when he picked up his guitar and made people swoon. He envied him so much. Sehun was growing now but Chanyeol was so tall. Sehun was handsome with his strong dark features and piercing eyes but Chanyeol had a uniqueness and natural charisma that drew people to him. Sehun's only strength was his brains while Chanyeol had big dreams of being famous.  And Sehun knew his brother's dreams would come true because everything came easy to Chanyeol._

_Jealousy burned inside Sehun when their father started taking Chanyeol on their weekend drives to the city for endless rounds of auditions while he was left home with his Mum. It was only a matter of time before someone saw his talent. And Chanyeol would have everything he ever wanted dropped in his lap._

_But on that last day of school, nervously watching on from the doorway, Sehun learned that everything wasn't easy for Chanyeol. He couldn't always get what he wanted. He watched his parents soothe the devastated boy while he broke his heart and Sehun couldn't help but feel a little satisfaction. His perfect brother, the pride and joy of his family, couldn't always get his own way. Everyone didn't always choose his side._

_When he asked Baekhyun out for coffee and Baekhyun said yes Sehun finally felt like he had won. Like he was good at something. Baekhyun was beautiful and kind, funny and well loved by everyone in his family. And if Sehun could date him then he could finally do something Chanyeol couldn't do._

 

——-

 

 

Sehun sighed. "Of course I like you. Everyone likes you." He sat up and couldn't meet Baekhyun's piercing judgement so instead he stared at the roof. "I really thought after everything you put him through he would be done with you and I could finally win." Sehun shook his head as he laid it back down on the pillow. "He's such an idiot. He still loves you after all that, doesn't he?" Baekhyun nodded.

 

"I'm sorry." Sehun said.

 

"Me too.."

 

Baekhyun got up and left the room. It was ill fated from the start, two people drawn together for all the wrong reasons, neither finding what they were looking for.

 

Baekhyun walked out to find Chanyeol still outside consuming another cigarette. "I wasn't kidding. They're bad for you." Baekhyun frowned and Chanyeol looked sufficiently chastised. He took one last drag and tossed it away. "Do you have plans for the day?" he asked Baekhyun and smiled when he shook his head. "Good. Lets go on a drive."


	23. Chapter 23

 

 

The wind whipped Baekhyun's face as the car sped down the highway. A drive seemed like a great idea and Chanyeol had filled the tank and filled the car with coffee and snacks and turned the music on. And as they drove at full speed towards the city they found comfort in their own familiar companionship. It was easy and it was wonderful.

 

"When was the last time you went to the city?" Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun flushed. "Never. Not since I was a kid anyway. I've just had too much on..." He shivered suddenly and wound the window up. "Taeyeon liked to go for weekends with her friends, drink and dance, spend money." Baekhyun's voice was wistful as he stared out the window. "I preferred to stay home." They could speak about her now. She was no longer the physical or emotional barrier separating them. She wasn't going to get in the way any more.

 

Chanyeol drove through his familiar upper class neighbourhood, past his apartment block, and towards the shopping district near his home. He parked his car, pulled a beanie down over his flame red hair, and got out of the vehicle. "Come on." He said as he got out. "We have to be quick before someone sees me."

 

The lights of the jewellery store beat down too bright and white on Baekhyun. He felt out of place in his casual jeans with a little rim of mud around the back where they were too long and dragged on the ground. His dirty sneakers and casual black tshirt made him feel like he didn't belong. But he was also fascinated and wandered aimlessly around the beautiful things sparkling under the bright donwlights. A million diamonds, bands of gold and silver and platinum, necklaces and rings and bracelets. All beautiful and precious and expensive as hell.

 

He wasn't sure why Chanyeol had brought him here but he watched him out of the corner of his eye. He was talking with the owner near a long glass cabinet and so Baekhyun stayed out of it, casually admiring all the stunning precious gems and jewels and treasures. Finally Chanyeol was done and an exchange was made and he tucked something inside his pants pocket before wandering over to Baekhyun. "See anything you like?" he asked playfuly as he winked. Baekhyun blushed and shook his head. "What good is any of this when you're digging in the dirt all day?" Chanyeol laughed out loud at the answer, probably way too loud, and the joyfully boisterous expression seemed ridiculously out of place.

 

Baekhyun laughed as well and Chanyeol's breath escaped him. In the blinding light of the jewellery store nothing shone brigher than Baekhyun's smile. Chanyeol allowed himself to stare just long enough for Baekhyun to notice and blush. "What?" he asked shyly as his fingers went to his hair and Chanyeol just smiled as he led him from the store and quickly into the car before someone saw them.

 

"That's where I live..." Chanyeol said quietly as he pointed at his building. "I have the penthouse. It's the whole top floor." He slowed down but didn't stop. "I bet it's amazing." Baekhyun said but Chanyeol just sighed. "Nah." He shook his bright red mop of hair indignantly. "Its too big and lonely."

 

They filled up again with petrol and snacks and hit the road for home. Baekhyun was tired and curled up against the window as the car made its way home along the highway. He was curious about what Chanyeol did in the jewellery store but he didn't want to ask. He decided to wait until he was told. He let his head rest against the cold glass of the window and watched a big storm cloud roll in from the east.

 

Baekhyun's eyes grew heavy as the car's movement lulled him into a doze and his sleepiness began to erase his inhibitions. The casual company was so familiar and felt so good he just had to ask for something he knew Chanyeol would give him.

 

Nothing ever pleased Baekhyun's ears more than the soothing baritone of Chanyeol's deep voice. It was the sound of his childhood, his prepubescent lilt morphing into a deep tone over the years, and while they were apart it was something he could always use to comfort himself. He had always found solace in Chanyeol's first album, in its raw and real stories of pain and heartbreak, and he relied on it through the hardest of times when he was alone.

 

And so as the car hummed and bumped below him he found the courage to ask for what he wanted. "Will you sing for me Chanyeol?" he murmured sleepily and his softly closing eyes never saw the smile that spread across Chanyeol's face.

 

Chanyeol sang and drove and Baekhyun slept and soon enough they were home. Chanyeol parked his car outside the nursery and pushed at Baekhyun's shoulder to wake him up. "We're home." He said and laughed at the sight of Baekhyun, messy hair askew and lips shiny with drool, his brain having trouble rousing itself from it's refreshing sleep.

 

"I want to see your Dad. If he's well enough." Chanyeol said. Baekhyun led him into the house and up the stairs and down the hall to the bedroom. "Can I see him alone please." Chanyeol's voice was quiet and serious and Baekhyun nodded and went downstairs to make tea.

 

Chanyeol was in with him for what felt like forever. In reality it was probably about ten minutes. He looked scruffy and puffy eyed when he came downstairs and Baekhyun wrapped his arms around his tall sensitive friend. Chanyeol just sighed and let Baekhyun bury his face into his chest and they stood like that in the kitchen unmoving until the comfort of their shared pain seemed tempered.

 

"Do you want tea?" Baekhun filled the kettle again and Chanyeol nodded. He took an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Baekhyun. "I don't want you to make a big deal about this." Tears filled his eyes and his voice cracked and wavered. "You can't say no. It's not for you. It's for your Dad." Baekhyun opened the envelope and saw it was stuffed full of notes. His hand shook as he went to push it back towards Chanyeol but he turned away and stared out the window. "I.." he started and then stopped and started again. "I bought a ring. I never should have. I told myself it was for Kyungsoo but it wasn't. It was the wrong thing to do. And then I was going to give it to Sehun..." Chanyeol's voice trailed off as he staredout the window at the lavender and lillies nodding in the brisk breeze.

 

"Don't try and tell me it's fine Baekhyun. I know it must be hard. Medicine and stuff is expensive...." He turned back to Baekhyun with tears in his eyes. "Please. Please let me do this. I owe him everything." He did. Baekhyun's father was the source of his two great loves and nothing would ever repay him for bringing them into the world.

 

"I don't know how to thank you." Baekhyun felt suddenly awkward as he poured hot water into two mugs, adding  a third to the counter when he saw the time, and Chanyeol grabbed his arm suddenly and turned him towards his body.

 

"One day." He said breathlessly. "Please. Just give me one day. I want to go back and do the last day over again. How I wanted it to go." He let go of Baekhyun's arm and moved hs hands to the sides of his face. "I'll be going back to the city soon. Please just let me have one day."

 

Baekhyun nodded his agreement. It was all he could give and he would give it willingly to Chanyeol. In that moment he felt like he owed him everything.

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

 

 

 

One day.

 

Just one perfect day.

 

One chance to fix the past. One shot at making it right.

 

Chanyeol had told Baekhyun to wait for him at the gates of the school and he arrived in his car right on time. It was his last day of freedom. Tomorrow he was going back to the city and back to work. He had to catch up on promoting his new album still sitting high in the charts. He felt like a changed man, like he had new strength inside him, like he had thrown away all the chains of his past that were keeping him from being happy. He felt renewed.

 

He knew why. He rounded the corner and saw him waiting at the gate, casually leaning on it in a dark hoodie and jeans, and it was like the last 8 years never happened. He was still perfect, his soulmate, his best friend, the love of his life.

 

Byun Baekhyun

 

Chanyeol felt his love burning bright as Baekhyun smiled when he saw the car approach. Chanyeol didn't know what was going to happen to them, now or in the future, but he did know that for the first time since he wanted to carve that heart on the tree he was living his life honestly.

 

"Get in!" he said as he pulled up and Baekhyun opened the door. The sky was grey and ominous but Chanyeol hoped the weather would hold off for a few hours at least. He wanted it all to be right. Baekhyun jumped into the car and must have read his mind. "There's a storm coming!" his expression was bright and made Chanyeol feel the fire inside his chest burn even brighter. The familiar scent of lavender and sunshine filled his senses as he pulled the car away from the kerb and drove towards the creek.

 

Chanyeol parked the car on the dirt road dusty and aching for rain. He grabbed the supplies from the back of the car and slung his old guitar across his back as they walked the short distance to their second favorite spot in town. The creek was running high and the rushing sound was soothing and relaxing. The comfort of a running creek was another remnant of their childhood, running creeks meant good rain, and good rain meant good crops and money in the town.

 

The picnic rug was spread on a patch of grass near the big log and Chanyeol smiled with pride when his foil wrapped pizzas were spread out in front of them. "Man I love pizza!" Baekhyun grinned as he went for the closest slice and Chanyeol laughed. "I know. That's why I made them." He took a slice for himself and handed Baekhyun a beer and opened a second and took a big sip.

 

"I know you love pizza. And nachos. And all foods that are bad for you. You'll take a cream cake over fruit and a burger over a salad anyday."

 

"I know you love the smell of an incoming storm. I know that you pretend that all flowers are beautiful, roses and sunflowers and daisies, but deep down you love those plain little sticks of lavender the most. I know you cant resist the way the stems feel in your hands and that's why you always smell like them."

 

"I know you love to walk in the rain. When those purple clouds gather in the sky you'll find any excuse to wander outside in the hope that you'll have an excuse to get caught."

 

"I know you think a hot cup of tea is the cure for anything and the perfect thing to drink when you're wet and shivering from being caught outside in a huge downpour."

 

"I know that after two of those beers your nose will get red from the alcohol and you'll start itching at it. I know if you drink two more you'll be drunk. And you'll lose that part of you that tells you to be quiet and you'll talk freely and laugh loudly and hug me without reservation."

 

"I know you like to be strong and you like to do the right thing and I know that always makes you put yourself last. You like to please people but it makes you push your own needs and feelings aside. You think you don't need the gold and diamonds, and you don't, but you deserve them."

 

Chanyeol stopped when he realised Baekhyun was staring at him flushed faced with his half eaten pizza slice hanging limp in his hand. He felt suddenly embarrassed. He had so accidentally and easily put his feelings out on display but there was so much truth in his words and he was determined to live his life truthfully and honestly.

 

"I know you don't feel the same way but I love you so much Baekhyun. I always have and I think I always will." Chanyeol said it with such finality and stoicism, his truth was told, and he let his words hang heavy in the humid air before taking a big bite of his pizza.

 

"Is that how you would have confessed to me?" Baekhyun said quietly and Chanyeol shook his head. "No. I've had eight years to grow up and learn how to articulate my feelings. Back then I would have said some superficial shit, like how your smile lights up my life, or how cute your ass is in those jeans. Which are also true. But I've learned a lot." He swallowed the rest of the beer and opened another one and when he looked at Baekhyun he felt something shift between them. It was slight and almost imperceptible but it was definitely there and he definitely felt it.

 

They ate their pizza and enjoyed the sound of rushing water flowing through the creek as they emptied a few more beers. And just as Chanyeol predicted Baekhyun began to lose his inhibitions sip by sip. "Sing for me Chanyeol," he said as he sipped on his beer. A few drops fell from the sky and his bright smile lit up his whole face as he turned it towards the darkening clouds and dropping sun.

 

Chanyeol strummed his guitar and sang, softly at first, finally releasing the chords and the words he had worked so hard on eight years ago. He played and sang the song he learned to show his love, and Baekhyun listened and cried, he rubbed his nose that was red from the alcohol and wished he was eighteen again.

 

 

**_We'll do it all_ **

**_Everything_ **

**_On our own_ **

****

**_We don't need_ **

**_Anything_ **

**_Or anyone_ **

****

**_If I lay here_ **

**_If I just lay here_ **

**_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ **

****

**_I don't quite know_ **

**_How to say_ **

**_How I feel_ **

****

**_Those three words_ **

**_Are said too much_ **

**_They're not enough_ **

****

**_If I lay here_ **

**_If I just lay here_ **

**_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ **

****

**_Forget what we're told_ **

**_Before we get too old_ **

**_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_ **

 

 

 

"I learned this for you before I could write my own songs." Chanyeol said quietly. "Back then I knew I couldn't write one good enough for you. Then you broke my heart and I wrote you a whole album full of them." Chanyeol put his guitar aside just in time to make room for Baekhyun as the other man climbed onto his lap. "Can I kiss you?" Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol nodded as hot lips crashed forcefully against his. Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeols neck and felt strong hands on his waist and as their lips caressed and their tongues found each other the sky above finally opened up.

 

A few drops had quickly turned into a downpour and before they broke to catch their breath both Chanyeol and Baekhyun were soaked.


	25. Chapter 25

 

 

 

 

The rain beat down on them as the two men walked through town. They laughed as they ran the back way from the creek when the rain increased, behind the row of shops lining the main street, across the oval of the school and into the nursery. It wasn't late and Baekhyun could see the glow of the kitchen light shining through the windows of the little house. His Mum was still awake. He grabbed Chaneyol's hand and pulled him into the nursery instead, leaving all the lights off, dragging him all the way to the back of the store.

 

The nursery was dark and they were still a little drunk. Baekhyun pulled him by the hand to the back corner farthest from the door. Shelves of plastic pots surrounded the bench where Baekhyun liked to plant his little lavender seedlings and a few seedling trays hit the floor as Chanyeol pushed him against the bench and kissed down his neck. Chanyeol pulled at Baekhyun's wet hoodie, it was soaked, and it was in the way of his mouth being able to reach Baekhyun's beautiful skin.

 

He tugged at it and Baekhyun swiftly pulled it over his head, tossing it to the floor, letting it rest on the soil covered concrete below their feet. His tshirt followed as he tugged desperately at Chanyeol's clothing. Chanyeol tossed his soaked hoodie and tshirt to the floor and moved his lips against Baekhyun's neck again making him moan softly in pleasure. "Baek...." Chanyeol whispered against his ear as his hands roamed Baekhyun's bare chest. "Baek are you really going to let me do this?" Hands fumbling at his belt buckle gave him the answer.

 

Baekhyun felt desperate in his need. His need to get a piece of Chanyeol that was for him and him alone. Something no one and nothing could take from them. And an overwhelming need to give Chanyeol at least part of what he wanted. He might not be able to give him everything but he could at least give him this. He undid Chanyeol's belt and unzipped his jeans and ran his cold hands down the back of Chanyeol's boxers. Chanyeol gasped for air at the sensation of cold fingers on his hot skin and he pulled Baekhyun closer in his arms.

 

He lifted Baekhyun onto the bench and leaned over him, kissing, nibbling, tasting every exposed inch of skin. Baekhyun leaned back and allowed Chanyeol access to every part of him that was exposed to the night. "Baek... I'm not going to fuck you here like this...". Chanyeol's words were soft in Baekhyun's ear but they contradicted the hard erection grinding against Baekhyun's crotch. "I wouldn't have back then and I won't now. You deserve better...." Baekhyun moaned at the friction building as they thrust and rubbed against each other desperately.

 

"It's not right Baek...." Chanyeol gasped as he desperately tried to put some space between them but Baekhyun wasn't having it. He slipped his cold hand down the front of Chanyeol's unzipped jeans and when his fine fingers gripped Chanyeol's hard erection he felt the tall man's constitution waver. "I don't want you to fuck me Yeol. Just touch me. Please..." his soft pleads rang loud in Chanyeol's ears and he knew he wouldn't have to ask twice.

 

When Chanyeol unzipped Baekhyun's jeans and his big hands slid inside the fabric to feel the bones of his hips it made Baekhyun want to cry. It felt so warm and so right. He was almost rendered immobile but the hot insistence of Chanyeol's leaking erection pressing into his hand brought him back. Their tongues lashed wildly with a hunger only fuelled by years of repressed emotions.

 

Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun's jeans down and released his erection from his boxers. "Baek... I love you ... I love you so much..." Chanyeol's deep voice was heavy with the weight of arousal mixed with emotion as it resounded in Baekhyun's ear. "Chanyeol.. I..." Baekhyun began to speak but Chanyeol cut him off. "You don't have to. I don't care. Just let me say it Baek, please, I just want to say it..." Chanyeol swatted Baekhyun's hand away from his cock as he gripped them both together in his big hand. "Just hold me close..." he whispered in Baekhyun's ear and as Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol's big body he gave in to the sensation of their throbbing erections pressed together in Chanyeol's hand.

 

Baekhyun held tight to Chanyeol, he thrust his hips and moaned his enjoyment, his head tipped back as Chanyeol brought them both to orgasm. His nails clung desperately to Chanyeol's skin and as he came he felt warmth wash over him. He felt warmth in their embrace and warmth in Chanyeol's words of love that shaded Baekhyun's skin with a whisper. And when it was over he found warmth in Chanyeol's deep brown eyes that always made him feel at home.

 

"Baek.." Chanyeol panted as his lips continued to find small tastes of Baekhyun's neck and cheek and jaw. "That was amazing.." he pressed his forehead against Baekhyun's, his breath regaining its pace, their sweat mixing as their skin melted together.

 

Baekhyun began to giggle and Chanyeol joined in as the reality of their juvenile passions dawned on them. Chanyeol leaned down and grabbed his damp tshirt from the ground and used it to clean up their mess before helping Baekhyun to jump down from the bench. "Wow. I guess we really went all the way with acting like teenagers." Chanyeol chuckled to himself as he pulled Baekhyun into his arms.

 

Baekhyun buried his face in the warm bare skin of Chanyeol's chest. "Want to sleep over?" He murmured as he inhaled Chanyeol's scent that he was so addicted to. "We can watch Bruce Lee movies in bed." He broke their embrace and his eyes sparkled with joy as Chanyeol nodded.

 

But his happiness was bittersweet as he knew it was fleeting.

 

Tomorrow he had to go back to the city.


	26. Chapter 26

 

 

It took him a few minutes to shake himself awake but when his mind cleared and focused Chanyeol had never seen a morning more beautiful. Sunlight streamed in as the curtains blew in a gentle breeze. Baekhyun would never sleep with the window closed when the smell of rain was outside.

 

The king single was barely long enough for Chanyeol, it was only just wide enough to fit the two men, but with Baekhyun's body close to his it didn't seem small enough. He pulled him closer and closed his eyes and knew he had to make the most of it. Today he had to go back.

 

The uncertainty, the unknown, and the untested waters of their new dynamic didn't bother him one bit. He felt so relaxed. It was almost as if his repressed feelings, turmultous and torturous inside him, had been transformed. A metamorphisis. The butterflies inside his chest that beat their wings as Baekhyun clung to his body in his sleep were the proof.

 

He was finally free.

 

Baekhyun stirred and opened his eyes, sitting up slowly, before being pulled back down onto Chanyeol's chest. "Not yet. Please. I have to go soon. Just give me a little more time." Chanyeol wound his fingers through Baekhyun's dark locks and closed his eyes again and tried to burn the moment into his mind. He could hear the buzz of his phone and knew it would be Suho. He was booked to promote his new album at a live show tonight and Chanyeol knew Suho would already be in a world of panic wondering if he was going to show up. He knew he had to. His life wasn't over, he couldn't just shirk his responisbilities, and he knew that.

 

He just wanted five more minutes.

 

Finally he had to move. "Baek. I have to go." Five mintutes had turned into half an hour and he slipped out from under Baekhyun's warm body and sat up. Baekhyun sat up too and for what felt like forever they were the only two people in the world, staring softly, neither knowing what to say. Their eyes said what their voices couldn't and Chanyeol reached out and held Baekhyun's hand. "Thank you. Thank you for forgiving me, for giving me one perfect day, for letting me leave again with a wonderful memory." He stroked the soft white hand, slightly tarnished by the soil trapped in the cuticles, before squeezing it tight.

 

"Thank you for coming back. For giving me the truth." Baekhyun stared at his hand, small inside Chanyeol's big warm grip, slipping it out and moving it to Chanyeol's cheek. "Will you come back?" he asked quietly as his eyes searched Chanyeol's for something he didn't even know he was looking for. "Of course. I'll be busy for a few weeks. But call me, we can always talk, I'll always answer your calls. No matter how busy I am."

 

"I love you Baekhyun. Never forget that. No matter how far apart we are or what happens next I'll always love you and I'll always be there for you." Chanyeol leaned across the bed and planted a soft kiss on Baekhyun's lips. It was gentle and chaste and warm with soft affection and Baekhyun accepted it willingly.

 

"I have to go." Chanyeol got up from the bed and Baekhyun grabbed his hand. "Wait. Chanyeol I-I..." he trailed off as the right words escaped him. "Don't." Chaneyol smiled at him and just stroked his hand again. "Last night was perfect. I have to leave now before I can't." "Goodbye." Baekhyun said and let go of Chanyeol's hand. "Goodbye." Chanyeol said and was surprised when Baekhyun jumped up off the bed and fell into his arms one more time. Chanyeol buried his face in Baekhyun's hair and inhaled and soaked up all he could of his warm and wonderful embrace before he had to walk out. He untangled himself from Baekhyun's arms, walked out the door, and headed down the stairs without looking back.

 

"Chanyeol. I was hoping you would stay for breakfast!" Baekhyun's mum called out to him as he walked past the kitchen. "Sorry Mrs Byun. I really have to get back to the city. I've already stayed too long." He said with a wistfulness that made her smile. "Well we hope to see you back here soon. Don't leave it another eight years." She left her place in the kitchen to give the tall man a hug and he smiled down at the look in her eye. "I wont." He promised as he walked out the front door.

 

The walk home took him out the back and behind the nursery and past the big tree. Past the school, past the road leading to the creek, into the dirt driveway of his family home. Past his memories, before tinted with a hint of pain, now all aglow in his mind. Memories of how wonderful his life was growing up. Memories of friendship, companionship, and love. His goodbyes to his family were just as warm, hugging his mum, shaking his dad's hand. Even Sehun got a happy and enthusiastic hug despite his initial reluctance. Chanyeol knew better than anyone that sometimes you just needed a little time. Sehun would get over it and they could both move on.

 

He loaded his cases into his car and took his precious guitar and put it on the front seat. He stashed his pocket knife in the glove box, waved goodbye, and reversed down the driveway and headed for the city. He called in at a few places on the way out and made sure to stop for a big box of those bee stings to take back home and he smiled contentedly to himself as he drove out of town.

 

Immediately as soon as he hit the open road his mind turned to work. But the heaviness and reluctance of the last few weeks, months, even years had faded. Chanyeol felt fresh and everything felt new. He had an excitement burning within him and he had never felt so alive.The light of his life had been reignited and he felt like he was drowning in it. The emptiness and darkness always on the edges of his existence for the last eight years had finally been driven out.

 

The light had won. It was back.


	27. Chapter 27

 

 

There was a knock at the door and Chanyeol threw it wide open. His hair was wet from a shower and he had a huge grin on his face as he stood shirtless in the doorway. "Suho!" he threw his arms around his manager and squeezed much to the man's surprise. "Hi Chanyeol. You ok?" he asked suspiciously as he walked into the massive white apartment.

 

Glass covered every available surface and the walls gleamed bright white. The floors were polished concrete with white rugs scattered here and there under white furniture. Chanyeol's bright red mop of hair looked out of place in the apartment void of colour.

 

Something else looked out of place too. An old guitar, scratched and still dusty, leaning against the side of an armchair. "What is that?" Suho eyed it suspiciously and Chanyeol grinned as he picked it up. "Found my old guitar at home! Isn't she beautiful!" He strummed a few chords and closed his eyes before putting it gently back down. "How are things?" Chanyeol called out as he wandered off forcing Suho to follow him into the kitchen. "Good Chanyeol. They're good. Sales are still high, your scandal has only been good for publicity, and every gossip site is going wild linking you with various stars. Every single celebrity you've ever been spotted with is specualated as this 'other person' in the message you made me post."

 

Chanyeol just laughed loudly and opened his refrigerator. It was completely empty besides a big white box and he opened it and took out a cake. "Try this." He shoved the bee sting towards Suho who eyed it suspiciously. "What is it?" he asked without taking it. "It's a bee sting. Cake, honey flavoured cream, almonds...." Chanyeol shrugged and shoved a huge bite of the cake into his mouth and chewed away happily as Suho scratched his head. He'd known Chanyeol for years and he'd always been quiet. Slightly moody, always introspective, always self aware. This new man in front of him was like a different person. He watched Chanyeol shove the entire remainder of the cake slice into his mouth and chew as he wandered around his apartment shirtless and barefoot.

 

Suho followed him into the living room where Chanyeol planted himself on the armchair and picked up the guitar again. He strummed it and closed his eyes happily, plucked at the strings with his fingertips, before opening a thick notebook on the coffee table. He made a few notes before looking up at his bemused Manager watching him with curiosity. "What?" he asked and Suho laughed. "What do you mean what? Since when do you smile like that when writing music? And cake? Chaneyol you have the Vogue cover launch party in less than a week!"

 

"So?!" Chaneyol just grinned in that new and slightly scary way as he grabbed at the non existent fat on his rock hard stomach. "If I'm a bit chubby then so what! It's the photo that's important and that's already done!" he went to the kitchen and came back with another sweet cake and badgered his Manager into taking a big bite. Suho gave in and had to admit it tasted pretty good.

 

 

 

 

Suho eventually managed to round him up into his vehicle and head towards the TV studio. He was going to be live on TV on a popular talk show. He would be interviewed and then he was going to play two songs from his current album. Suho herded him out of the car and into hair and makeup and Chanyeol sat down and let the woman do her job fussing over his fluffy red mop and putting makeup all over his face.

 

He took his phone out and stared at it while the hair and makeup stylist worked. He had only seen him that morning but he already missed him. Chanyeol's finger hovered over Baekhyun's contact but he didn't press it. He so badly wanted to, just to hear his voice, even just send a text. But he didn't. He'd been given so much already he couldn't bare to take any more than Baekhyun was willing to give. He would wait forever if he had to. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and closed his eyes as the stylist drew around his eyes heavily with a thick black liner.

 

After what felt like hours he stared at himself in the mirror. Park Chanyeol the man who loved to wander by the creek, who liked to play his guitar out on the front porch, who liked to stuff his face with rich and sweet cream cakes was gone. In his place was Park Chanyeol the idol, the musically gifted heartthrob, the handsome cover model with the hot body. But as he stared at himself with introspection he knew a part of him was retained. He felt more authentically himself than he ever had before and the thought made a glowing smile cross his face.

 

He smiled pleasantly at the interviewer, a popular and charming middle aged woman, well experienced in the art of good tv. As much as Chanyeol tried to talk about his new album she kept leading him back to the one subject on everyone's mind.

 

"So, Chanyeol, you have recently endured a very public breakup with Do Kyungsoo. I know we were told that you wont answer any questions about that. In fact.." she smiled softly at the camera "I think the whole world knows the story already anyway. But what you aren't telling us is who this mystery person you referred to in your personal message to your fans is." She turned to Chanyeol who tried to hide the smile on his face but it broke through his veneer and she knew she had him.

 

"I don't want to talk about him. It's private." Chanyeol said but the layer of makeup couldn't hide the blush across his cheeks. She prodded and prompted and lightly teased his bashfulness and he ended up giggling like a child as she tried to pull information out of him. "So are you officially off the market again Chanyeol?" She asked and Chanyeol just sighed softly as he stared at his hands. "Unfortunately its a one sided love right now. But things might change in time. I'm going to try my best to win him over." He grinned at her and looked over to see Suho with his hands in his hair behind the camera man.

 

They cut for a break and Suho was livid. "What are you doing? I told you not to talk about your personal life. Chanyeol the message on your website was enough. Leave it alone." Chanyeol just shook his head and his eyes sparkled with mischief. "Well Mr Manager! Last time I checked you worked for me not the other way around!" He grabbed him around the shoulders and half hugged him as he began to laugh. "What if he's watching? I hope he is Suho! I've got a surprise for him!" Suho could only groan. His idol was out of control. To an outsider Chanyeol looked drunk, he was so flushed and giggly, so deliriously happy. But Suho knew he was drunk on love and unfortunately there was no rehab for that.

 

 

The crew reset and Chanyeol talked a little more before he pulled out his old guitar. "That looks well loved." The interviewer commented and Chanyeol nodded. "It was a gift."

 

He began to strum and, to Suho's exasperated dismay, the chords weren't the pre-planned second track from his new album. Instead he poured his heart out into the song which had shaken all the bad memories free and left him with only warmth. The song which was once a childish expression of love still meant as much to him thirteen years later.

 

**_Let's waste time_ **

**_Chasing cars_ **

**_Around our heads_ **

****

**_I need your grace_ **

**_To remind me_ **

**_To find my own_ **

****

**_If I lay here_ **

**_If I just lay here_ **

**_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ **

****

**_Forget what we're told_ **

**_Before we get too old_ **

**_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_ **

****

**_All that I am_ **

**_All that I ever was_ **

**_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_ **

****

**_I don't know where_ **

**_Confused about how as well_ **

**_Just know that these things will never change for us at all_ **

****

**_If I lay here_ **

**_If I just lay here_ **

**_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ **

 

 

 

When he was done his eyes brimmed with tears and he quickly blinked them away. He played an acoustic version of his new single and before he knew it the appearance was over. Suho was hustling him out of the building and into the car. "I hope you get your man Chanyeol," he said as he shook his head in exasperation. "Because you might just be throwing away your career."


	28. Chapter 28

 

Baekhyun hummed softly to himself as he wandered through the aisles and walkways of the nursery he loved so much. The sun was out and the spate of heavy summer storms seemed to have blown over for the time being. A soft breeze blew through his hair which was really getting too long. It was a mess. He fidgeted with a sprig of lavender as he walked and as he rubbed the velvety stem between his fingers, his skin feeling every soft surface of the grey-green twig, he thought about how right Chanyeol had been.

 

He did love the way they felt in his hands. The sensation of the plant was almost velveteen and he inhaled as the oils released themselves into the air around him. He reached into his pocket for an earbud and put one into his ear as he pressed play and the sound of Chanyeol's velvety voice filled his senses with warmth and comfort as he picked up a broom and began to sweep.

 

The space around his workbench was a mess. Seedling pots had been upturned and their soil had spilled out onto the bench and the floor. There was dirt and soil everywhere and Baekhyun swept the mess into a neat pile and rescued the little black seed pots from the ground. Baekhyun flushed hot all over when he remembered the reason his work area was so scattered and messy. Chanyeol had been gone for five days before he could even bear to go over there and clean up the mess caused by their frantic and unreserved passion. Baekhyun couldn't believe he had allowed himself to get so carried away in the moment but as soon as he was in Chanyeol's arms it was like nothing else mattered. It felt so good and it felt so right.

 

He had been worried about leading him on, giving Chanyeol expecations he couldn't meet, promises he couldn't keep. He wouldn't do it. But Chanyeol had seemed to understand Baekhyun's reluctance. He had given him nothing but patience and time and once again Baekhyun felt selfish. It wasn't the first time he let Chanyeol give him everything with no expectation of anything in return and it cut Baekhyun deep when he realised that after a lifetime of friendship nothing had changed. It was still him taking and taking, always being the one to get what he wanted, Chanyeol unselfishly and humbly accepting whatever crumbs Baekhyun was happy to dish out to him. As he swept and hummed along with Chanyeol's new album in his ears he wondered how much Chanyeol resented him.

 

If he didn't already it wouldn't take long. There had to be an end to his unrelenting kindness and patience. Last time Chanyeol left he had left Baekhyun with questions, with anger and resentment, and a heavily dented pride. This time he had left him with a sweet kiss and an embrace that Baekhyun never wanted to end. Because despite his reticence and his inability to chase after what he wanted Baekhyun knew he loved him too.

 

He dropped the broom and pulled the earbud out of his ear. All the emotion of the last ten days suddenly bubbled up inside him, threatening to spill everywhere, and he had trouble containing it. He hurried from the nursery, out the front gate, and around the back fence. By the time he was under the tree his breath was coming in short sharp bursts and he felt like he was hyperventilating. Baekhyun leaned against the tree and tried to catch his breath as dizziness overwhelmed him and that's when he saw it. The initials scratched deep into the bark were weathered and aged and had been there forever. But the heart carved around them was fresh and new and as his fingers traced the deep cuts on the tree he sobbed.

 

He was tired of being strong, of being the Baekhyun he thought people expected, of putting his own feelings aside while he tried to be everything to everyone. It made him seem selfish, as though he had not enough to give, when in reality all he wanted was to give all of himself to the man he loved.

 

The man he loved.......

 

Because he did.

 

He knew he loved him. He knew he always had. If he could do it all over again he would be eighteen year old Baekhyun again. He would push aside his childish infatuation and his need to fulfil people's expectations. He would let Chanyeol walk with him by the creek and play him his beautiful heartfelt song and he would hold his hand and kiss him and be gentle with his heart.

 

But he knew that would have been selfish too. He knew if all those years ago he had taken Chanyeol's heart for himself then Chanyeol's dreams would have been ruined. He never would have left him, he never would have went in pursuit of his goals, he would have stayed stuck in the small town rut that everyone else was caught up in. Baekhyun's ignorance had given Chanyeol his freedom to be himself despite the pain in the process.

 

As Baekhyun's fingertips traced the freshly cut bark he was ready to bury the past. Memories would always be held deep inside his heart, the good with the bad, the love with the pain. But he couldn't change what had happened and it was time to let go. He'd left it too late and Chanyeol had gone back to his life, his real life, and Baekhyun knew he had wasted his chance. He'd had ten days to say something or do something, anything to let Chanyeol know how much he loved him, how much he wanted to be with him. And he'd let his chance slip though his fingers like fine sand not knowing how to grasp it.

 

Baekhyun walked through the nursery and his mum called out to him from her usual place at the front counter. He knew she would have a hot tea somewhere back there and he suddenly wanted one too. She hadn't pressed him for information after Chanyeol left their house early that morning five days ago and he had hoped she wouldn't but when he turned towards her with puffy eyes and a damp red nose she knew he had been crying. "What's the matter?" she asked softly as she pulled him into a hug and he sniffled into her shoulder. "Everything. Mum, how did I get it so wrong? I've made so many mistakes....." his voice trailed off as the reality of his lost chance hit him. "All he ever did was love me and I've ruined everything...."

 

"Is it really ruined though?" She asked and he shrugged as he pulled away from her embrace. "I guess so. I was an idiot, then and now, and I don't know how much more he can take." Baekhyun shivered as he thought of Chanyeol back in his beautiful apartment surrounded by beautiful things living his beautiful life. Was there a place for him? A place for a stubborn man, short and selfish, hair too long and nails always dirty. Where did he fit in?

 

The nursery wasn't busy and Baekhyun took his leave in search of solitude. He couldn't face their tree, or the creek, or any other place thick with memories of the past and the present. He went into the house, up into his room, and closed the door. He fell onto his bed and curled up around his pillow which still held the faint scent of something subtle and expensive and fresh. Fresh cotton, fresh lemons, the essence of Chanyeol. The remnant of their one perfect night.

 

Baekhyun's phone buzzed and he reached for it frantically, his heart jumping out of his chest, hoping the message was from Chanyeol. It wasn't. It was from Jongdae asking if he wanted to hang out after Minseok finished up at the library and he replied with a yes. He had to get out of the house and away from his unproductive introspection and he stepped into the shower before leaving to meet his friends.

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

 

It was finally here. The launch of his Vogue cover, the start of what was potentially a career expanding move, the biggest and most expensive party he'd ever been too. Vogue had spared no expense and had hired out the biggest ballroom in the city. Chanyeol was excited and was busy getting ready at home, trying to shower in peace, before the professional stylists descended on him in force. He washed his freshly coloured hair and wandered around the warm apartment, picking at some grapes out of the bowl, smiling to himself as he thought over the last five days. He'd stuck to giving Baekhyun the space and time he thought he needed while his love was released to the world in every public performance he made.

 

 

He played his songs on tv and on the radio, in appearances and interviews and even a fansign event, and the emotion in them was as real as the old guitar that never left his grasp. He was filmed and photographed and recorded with it everywhere he went. He wrote two new songs in five days and he played them in the car and in waiting rooms and even on the balcony of his top floor apartment. He had never been happier.

 

With his schedule pushed back by the week or so he had taken off he was working every spare minute to catch up in the hopes of being able to get an extended hiatus. A few weeks to write a new album, spend some more time at home, maybe even sneak Baekhyun away for a holiday if he would say yes. He had a few ideas on how it could happen with Mrs Byun's agreement and he decided to wait until he could see her to discuss it.

 

He wondered if Baekhyun had seen any of his almost embarrassing public declarations. Surely he had seen the footage of Chanyeol on the tv interview singing the song he learned for him all those years ago. The beautiful red haired idol's heartfelt cover of a 90s one hit wonder had gone viral and if Baekhyun hadn't seen it he would be the only person who hadn't. Everyone was talking about it. It was the only thing Chanyeol had done in the last five days that hadn't made Suho pull out a little of his lustrous shiny dark hair. His manager was at his wit's end.

 

He wandered the apartment chewing grapes. The place smelled beautiful. Suho had been frightened beyond belief when they were walking out of the tv studio late one night after filming and Chanyeol had climbed over a fence to snap a sprig of the fresh lavender he saw growing in a garden bed on the other side. The next morning he had ordered a

hundred potted lavenders from an upscale garden shop in the city and had them delivered to his apartment.

 

They sat on the bench in the kitchen, on the coffee table, next to his bed and on the balcony. Everywhere Chanyeol went in his apartment the sight and scent of the flower he loved filled his senses and made it feel like Baekhyun was closer than he actually was. He reached out and snapped a flower free and rubbed it between his fingers. The feeling was amazing, so soft and velvety, and it made him think of the way Baekhyun's skin felt under the touch of his burning fingers on that night less than a week ago.

 

He had learned to be a patient man but his patience was wearing thin. He had a late schedule tomorrow and he wondered if he could jump in the car and surprise Baekhyun for the day but he knew he would just have to say goodbye again too soon. And despite his words as he left, that Baekhyun could call or text him anytime, his phone had remained silent. And Chanyeol's patience endured.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun slipped into the bench seat of the café where Jongdae was waiting for him. It was already 5pm and Minseok wouldn't be far away. The library building was just across the road and Baekhyun knew Minseok would be still in his office with his head buried in a thick book until he saw the slowly sinking sun through the window.

 

Baekhyun ordered a burger and a large coke as his stomach growled and Jongdae made small talk while they waited. It wasn't long before Minseok rushed in. "Sorry.." he panted as he ran a hand through his thick dark hair and pushed his glasses back up to their rightful place on the bridge of his nose. He had a thick book under his arm and the other two friends laughed at the sight.

 

As they sat and made empty small talk Baekhyun could feel the air of something undisclosed. There were unsaid questions hanging heavy and he knew it was just a matter of time before one of them broke and began asking. It didn't take long and it was Minseok who finally broke first. "Is it you?" he asked and Baekhyun knew what he was talking about straight away. He nodded as he bit down on his burger and chewed slowly so he didn't have to talk.

 

"I'm not even shocked I guess. We were all friends, but, I don't know..." Jongdae thought hard. "You guys always seems to have something special. He worshipped you. That's why I couldn't believe he did that to you. Just left like that and never gave you an explanation until now." Jongdae's brow furrowed as he remembered how angry he was at Chanyeol. But Baekhyun shook his head and sighed heavily before admitting his responsibility. "It was my fault. Please don't blame him. Trust me Jongdae. Everything that went wrong between us is on me." Minseok leaned over and put his arm around Baekhyun's shoulders. Baekhyun put down his burger and blinked back tears. "I tried to make it up to him but I think I did the wrong thing and now I'm here and he's there and it's too late to fix it." He rubbed his forehead as the reality of the situation sank it. It sounded even worse to say it out loud. "I've fucked up again and it's too late."

 

"What do you mean it's too late? Can't you call him? Or go visit him? Baek he's only a two hour drive away." Jongdae said. "But what about the nursery? I can't leave Mum alone. What about Dad? What if something happens?" Minseok just sighed. "Baek. Your Mum will be fine. She can handle things and you can't live your life based on what ifs and what other people need from you. What do you want?"

 

Minseok squeezed his shoulder even tighter and laughed aloud. "I can tell you if my soulmate was running all over town publicly declaring his love for me I wouldn't be sitting here in this café with you two!" Baekhyun repeated Minseok words over and over in his mind before thinking aloud in confusion. "What do you mean?"

 

"You seriously don't read the news?" Minseok pulled his phone out and unlocked it before typing in a few words in the search. A news story on the Star Dispatch popped up titled "Park Chanyeol. Crazy in love or just crazy?" and Minseok hit play on the embedded video. It was a compilation of both official and fan taken footage from the past five days. Chanyeol smiling and singing to himself with his guitar in the waiting area of a major tv network. Chanyeol climbing clumsily over a fence outside the same studio later with his panicked Manager looking on. Cuts from various tv and radio interviews of Chanyeol talking about his unrequited love, his intentions to win Baekhyun's heart, and finally the video of Chanyeol blinking back tears as he sang their song into the camera. Chills washed over Baekhyun as he realised his chance wasn't lost yet but it would be if he let it slip through his grasp once again.

 

"I gotta go!" he said suddenly as he jumped up from the table and tossed a few notes down for his burger. He ran down the street to the nursery and rushed through the closed business to the house. "Mum. Call me if you need anything. But I have to go to him." He called out and she just smiled in acknowledgement. She knew it was coming.

 

Baekhyun jumped into his rusty old truck, put it into gear, and headed straight onto the highway. He didn't know where he was going or how he was going to find him but he was going to find Chanyeol. He had to chase him like he should have eight years ago. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.


	30. Chapter 30

 

 

Chanyeol stood in a room filled with beautiful people. Stars and celebrities, designers, models. Singers, actors, idols. A whole room full of the most beautiful people in the country and he just smiled vacantly at them all. Not one of them had the beauty of his precious Baekhyun. No one even came close.

 

The party was dominated by a huge poster version of Chanyeol's cover. It was easily twelve feet tall and his bright red hair dominated the room. Everyone was talking about it, admiring it, the man's stunning features and incredible body suddenly highly sought after. Suho was in his absolute element taking phone numbers and email addresses from designers and fashion industry leaders wanting to book Chanyeol for shoots and catwalks and appearances.

 

But Chanyeol had other things on his mind. He sipped a glass of expensive champagne as he wandered through the crowd making obligatory small talk with people, receiving compliments on his cover and his hair and his outfit chosen for him to wear tonight. Suho had the intelligent foresight to make Chanyeol leave his old guitar at home and it was a smart move because all Chanyeol wanted to do was sink into a soft chair and pen another love song of heavily laden emotions. He smiled for a photo with the editor of Vogue and quickly moved on to get another glass of champagne and count down the minutes until he could leave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun cursed as he tried to wipe his spilled coffee off his jeans with some tissues he found under the seat. What had made him think jumping in his beat up old truck with just his phone and wallet was a good idea? His black tshirt was faded, his jeans were neat until he spilled coffee all over them, and he still had his muddy work boots on his feet. But he had reached the city and pulled over to try and work out where to go and what to do next.

 

He didn't even know where Chanyeol lived. But he did remember the name of the jewellers he went to with Chanyeol and typed it into the maps on his phone. He knew Chanyeol lived close to there and started his truck up again and drove through the dark streets of the city. When he found the jewellers it was of course closed but he racked his brain for the memories from just a few days ago and drove down the streets until he saw the right building. He remembered Chanyeol saying he had the whole top floor but as he parked and got out in front of the building he saw a security desk and realised he had no hope of even getting in.

 

He walked brazenly into the lobby and straight up to the security desk. "I'm here to visit Park Chanyeol." He said trying to sound casual but he flushed with embarrassment as the security guard looked him up and down. He was a mess and he knew it. "Sure you are." The security guard mumbled sarcastically. "You and every other crazy fan out there." His eyes went back to his computer screen as he ignored Baekhyun's untidy presence in front of him. "Fine." Baekhyun shot angrily. "I'll just call him and tell him I'm here..."

 

The security guard looked up in amusement and watched Baekhyun dial. The phone rang out and went to messages and Baekhyun hung up and dialled again. It rang out again much to the amusement of the security guard. "Leave or I'm calling the police." Baekhyun felt instantly defeated and walked outside. He looked up at the beautiful gleaming glass building and felt out of place. He sat on the ground and put his head in his hands while he thought hard of what to do next. He tried again to call Chanyeol and furrowed his brow when there was no answer.

 

On a whim he typed 'Park Chanyeol' and the date into the search engine and was surprised when the Star Dispatch website quickly answered his question.

 

 

 

"Tonight Park Chanyeol makes his official move from Idol to Model at the launch of his Vogue cover. Mr Park is being honoured at a launch party being held in the ballroom of the Four Seasons Hotel. It's the hottest party of the year with everyone who's anyone expected to be there...."

 

 

 

Baekhyun looked down at his faded thin black tshirt and his coffee stained jeans. He tried to scrape a little of the mud off the back of his boots and ran his fingers through his messy hair before he climbed back into his truck and headed straight for the Four Seasons.

 

When he arrived he pulled up out the front and a valet opened his car door and asked him what room number he was staying in. He panicked and drove straight out the long circular driveway and parked around the corner. He headed in the front doors and saw a big sign pointing to the ballroom and headed in that direction only to be faced with two huge security guards standing either side of an open double door.

 

"You're not on the list," one said as he frowned down at the small and messy looking man. "You didn't even ask my name" Baekhyun shot back with a glare and the security guard just laughed. "I didn't have to. I can tell." The other security guard laughed and Baekhyun's shoulders sank. "I need to see Chanyeol," Baekhyun said and they both laughed again. "Yeah you and every other crazy fan in the city," the security guard replied and moved in front of the door. "You can't stop me. I need to see him now!" Baekhyun tried to push past him and the guards grabbed a hold of him. He thrashed around and tried to get them to let go and when that didn't work he began to yell out Chanyeol's name causing a few curious guests to start looking out the door.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol stood on the stage, microphone in hand, staring down at the crowd. He searched for a familiar face but found only Suho standing off to his side. He cleared his throat nervously and began to speak.

"Thank you Vogue for this honour and opportunity. Growing up I never considered myself beautiful. I was teased for my ears, I was a 'late bloomer' with my height, but I guess this honour tonight must mean that things change." He paused for effect and smiled as a murmur of laughter rippled through the crowd.

 

"I've learned a lot about what true beauty is. It can be found in the smooth sensation of an old piece of wood, in the velveteen stem of a sprig of lavender, in the sparkle of sunlight across grass damp from the rain........." Chanyeol trailed off as he thought hard about what he wanted to say. "But the purest form of beauty can be found in the eyes of someone who you love. Eyes that know you better than you know yourself and can see who you truly are under all this..." he waved his hand as he indicated the enormous picture of himself behind him. He opened his mouth to speak again as another murmur rippled through the crowd and a few people near the door began to turn.

 

 

His eyes flashed to Suho who shrugged and went to investigate. A security issue was nothing new to them. Crazy fans regularly tried to get into Chanyeol's apartment building and events and anywhere he was really. But when he heard his voice call out from through the doorway Chanyeol immediately dropped the microphone and jumped down from the stage.

 

 

The crowd of people parted to let him through as he rushed to the door just in time to see two huge security guards trying to wrestle Baekhyun away from the door. Baekhyun was giving them a fantastic fight and they were struggling to try and contain the tiny but fierce man and when Chanyeol saw them he just had to stop and laugh. "Put him down!" Chanyeol called out to them through tears of laughter. "He's not a crazy fan. That's my love!"

 

People openly stared as the security guards dropped Baekhyun and he ran into the room and into Chanyeol's open arms. Chanyeol picked him up and squeezed him tight as his legs dangled in the air. "You said you would always answer your phone.." Baekhyun said and Chanyeol laughed again. "It's on silent." He chuckled into Baekhyun's hair. "In case you hadn't noticed I'm kind of in the middle of something important..." he released his tight grip and lowered Baekhyun back to the floor who looked around and buried his face in Chanyeol's shirt in embarrassment. "Do you want to stay for a drink? Meet some important but boring people?" Chanyeol whispered and Baekhyun shook his head.

 

 

"Sorry guys. Looks like I'm ditching my own party!" Chanyeol laughed loudly to the crowd. "Have a good night." He grabbed Baekhyun by the hand and squeezed it tight as the shorter gave a shy wave to the crowd before Chanyeol pulled him out of the room and out of the doors of the hotel.


	31. Chapter 31

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun had no idea someone could have a private elevator but he had never been more grateful for a tiny metal box. As soon as the doors closed he was wild, pressing his body against Chanyeol, reaching up to kiss at his neck as his hands wandered busily across Chanyeol's chest. "Baek. Slow down..." Chanyeol pleaded half heartedly as he tilted his neck to allow Baekhyun better access to the soft skin.

 

He wrapped the other man up in his strong arms and pressed their lips together. The kiss was heated, almost desperate, and he could feel Baekhyun's breathless need as their tongues lashed together frantically. Chanyeol knew he had to slow it down and his silent prayer was answered when the doors opened and the elevator opened up into the lobby of his apartment.

 

Baekhyun clung to Chanyeol's arm as he followed him out of the elevator towards the door. He sniffed a little as Chanyeol reached out to unlock the door and for a brief moment he wondered why he could smell the nursery. Something familiar lingered in the air and his question was answered when the door swung open and Baekhyun was overwhelmed by the sight of a hundred potted lavenders filling Chanyeol's penthouse.

 

They were everywhere, different sizes and different varieties, covering all available surfaces. The scent hung heavy in the air and Baekhyun's eyes filled with tears. "I really missed you." Chanyeol smiled down at him and Baekhyun smiled back through glassy eyes. "I can tell." He whispered just in time as Chanyeol's lips captured his again.

 

He clung to Chanyeol's body as they kissed. It was a little softer and a little slower but no less passionate than it had been in the elevator. The scent of lavender was dizzying as it filled Baekhyun's senses and he knew there would be no holding back this time. He whined a little as Chanyeol's tongue explored his mouth. It felt so good and so right and he wanted even more.

 

"Chanyeol...." he broke the kiss and sucked in a gasp of air as Chanyeol's teeth grazed his neck. "Chanyeol please....." his plea was insubstantial but Chanyeol knew what he was asking for and he was going to give it willingly. He was going to show Baekhyun just how much he loved him in the only way that he could.

 

He led Baekhyun by the hand into his clean white room. The only colour amongst the soft greys and whites were the gorgeous purple blooms next to the bed. Chanyeol dropped Baekhyun's hand and lifted his shirt off over his head. His eyes were gentle as they washed over Baekhyun's body but they soon turned hungry. Baekhyun withered a little as Chanyeol's eyes flashed with desire and he gripped him by the hips.

 

"You're too much Baek. I can't control myself..." Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun and pulled him close. His hands went to Baekhyun's chest and he ran a thumb over one nipple as he bit down on the soft skinnof Baekhyun's shoulder. A moan slipped free from Baekhyun's lips and Chanyeol shuddered at the sound. "I'm not holding back. I want you so bad...." Chanyeol's work on Baekhyun's neck and shoulder continued, his lips leaving a trail of goosebumps, his hot breath ghosting across the milky skin. He turned Baekhyun towards the bed and laid him down, pulling at his jeans, swiftly undressing him until he was bare.

 

As Baekhyun lay naked on the bed Chanyeol stared down at him. He'd been dreaming of this moment since he was a teenager full of hormones, he'd wanted this since before he even knew what it meant to love someone in this way, and it was finally time. Chanyeol stripped his couture into a crumpled pile on the floor and laid on the bed next to Baekhyun. His hand stroked Baekhyun's belly slowly as he smiled at him. "Baek. I love you and I'll make this right." He leaned down and began to kiss Baekhyun's stomach, lips replacing fingertips, making Baekhyun twist a little underneath him. "I'm scared Yeol." Baekhyun whispered and Chanyeol looked up at him. "Me too," he admitted and it was all Baekhyun needed to hear.

 

He relaxed a little as he felt Chanyeol's hot mouth enjoying the skin of his stomach. When Chanyeol's mouth began to move lower Baekhyun squirmed a little as his breath became ragged with anticipation. He tried to hold it together as Chanyeol licked gently under his bellybutton, then nipped at the inside of his thighs, before taking Baekhyun's cock into his mouth.

 

The warm wet feeling was incredible. All Baekhyun's feelings of fear and nervousness were washed away by Chanyeol's mouth and tongue as he felt arousal wind tightly in his stomach. He began to moan, softly at first, but soon he gave up trying to hold it in. He moaned and gripped Chanyeol's hair as his hips bucked instinctively and he had to beg Chanyeol for relief.

 

"Stop... I'm not ready..." he whined and Chanyeol immediately released him. Panic shone in his eyes as he searched Baekhyun's face and the man under him flushed with embarrassment. "No, Chanyeol, I didn't mean that...." Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol close on top of him and wound his fingers in his hair. "I just meant that I wasn't ready for it to be over..."

 

Chanyeol reached into his bedside drawer and filled his palm with lube. "I'll go slow." He reassured Baekhyun but not himself as he willed his feelings under control. He pushed Baekhyun's legs apart and breathed out slowly as he let himself savour the sight. Baekhyun was wrecked, his hair askew and his cheeks pink, his legs wide open. He'd never seen Baekhyun so vulnerable and he still couldn't believe it was all for him.

 

As he slowed his breathing and ignored his heart racing in his chest he wiped the lube against Baekhyun. He watched him carefully as he pushed a finger inside him but Baekhyun gave him no reason to stop. Baekhyun moaned and panted for air as he got used to the unfamiliar feeling of Chanyeol's fingers inside him. "More..." his voice was thick and heavy and Chanyeol entered him with a second. He curled his fingers and rubbed inside Baekhyun's body and Chanyeol knew he was on the edge. He was so hard and he wanted Baekhyun, he wanted to be inside him, he wanted to feel Baekhyun's naked body under his.

 

His fingers slipped out and he rolled on top of Baekhyun. His erection was hot and hard as he lined it up with Baekhyun's hole and pushed in. He took a deep breath and held his position, only just inside, as he waited for a sign that it was okay to continue. "It hurts a bit.." Baekhyun whispered and Chanyeol kissed him gently on the lips. "I know. Do you want me to stop?" He would as soon as Baekhyun said the words, and Baekhyun knew this, but he just shook his head and pulled him closer. "Don't stop." Baekhyun said. "Chanyeol I love you. I want you inside me."

 

Chanyeol pushed his length inside Baekhyun and groaned at the feeling of his warm body taking all of him in. "Damn it Baekhyun...." he began to thrust slowly and carefully. "I fucking love you so much." He put all his weight on one arm so he could use his hand in Baekhyun. He wrapped Baekhyun's erection in his big hand and began to jerk him in time with his slow rolling thrusts.

 

Their foreheads pressed together, heat and sweat mixing, heavy breaths drawn hard as Chanyeol increased his pace. "Tell me again." He begged as he fucked him. "Say it. Please...." Baekhyun groaned and tossed his head back as Chanyeol bit down on his neck hard. "I love you Chanyeol." His voice was shaky but sincere as he felt himself on the edge and when Chanyeol's mouth sucked at his earlobe he came undone. Pain was forgotten in a wave of pleasure as he came hard, his seed spilling warm and wet in Chanyeol's hand, his cries of love and satisfaction fading into the night.

 

Chanyeol moaned through his orgasm as he came hard inside Baekhyun. It was almost too much, the euphoria flooding his body, the emotions inside his heart. Everything he'd ever wanted was finally his. He rolled off Baekhyun and laid flat on the bed as he gasped for breath and regained control of his body. He pulled Baekhyun close and searched his face for clues to how the other was feeling.

 

"Baek? Are you okay?" He asked after a little silence and held his breath waiting for the answer. "Chanyeol...." Baekhyun smiled as he reached out to stroke his cheek gently with his thumb. "I'm better than okay. You need to stop worrying so much about me." He giggled and the sound was magical to Chanyeol's ears. "How are you? Okay?" Baekhyun's chuckles had turned into laughter and Chanyeol laughed too. "I'm okay Baek." He was better than okay too. He felt wonderful. He'd laid Baekhyun down on crisp cotton sheets and loved him the way he wanted to. The way he imagined it and the way Baekhyun deserved.

 

It was perfect.


	32. Chapter 32

 

 

 

Baekhyun opened his eyes first and sat up to greet the morning. Sunlight poured in the window of the top floor apartment. It made the room glow with a soft magic that seemed gentle and careful and warm. He wished he was still asleep and huddled closer to the warm body that occupied most of the enormous bed. When granted the room Chanyeol slept like a starfish and he was sprawled out with his arms and legs in every direction. It made Baekhyun laugh and as he giggled and laid back down Chaneyol smiled in his sleep before cracking one eye open.

 

"Do you have work today?" Baekhyun spoke softly and asked the question he didn't really want answered. He wasn't ready to face the reality of their responsibilities and now he was here in this place, in Chanyeol's arms where he belonged, he never wanted to leave. "Yeah. I have a music show appearance later." Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun closer and whispered against his soft skin. "I want you to come with me. Come and watch. I need you." Baekhyun felt awful, like he was shirking every responsibility in his life, but he wanted to stay. He wanted to feel a part of this life Chanyeol had that was so different to his. He wanted to know this side of the man he loved.

 

"Okay." He heard himself say. He would feel out of place, shabby and plain, but he wanted to push his own insecurities aside to be by Chanyeol's side. It was where he belonged. "Really?" Chanyeol's whisper quickly became loud as joy filled his expression. "Really?" he asked again and when Baekhyun nodded Chanyeol scooped him closer and squeezed him tight. "You're right Baekhyun. Im sick of just taking the crumbs and accepting it. I'm done being happy with whatever I can get. I'm going after what I want and what I want is you. With me. All the time." Baekhyun's stomach churned with nerves as he realised it was what he wanted to. He didn't know how to make it work but he knew they had to try.

 

 

 

 

"This place is beautiful..." Baekhyun murmured as he wandered around barefoot in one of Chanyeol's hoodies. Last night he hadn't made it past the bedroom. In the light of day he walked around and checked out every inch of every gleaming white surface in the enormous penthouse. "Baek. It's awful." Chanyeol laughed from the kitchen where he was making coffee and fruit and toast. "Seriously. It's the only thing I've ever spent money on and I hate it." Chanyeol laughed loudly again as he impersonated his accountant talking about what an 'investment' it was. "He said it was an investment in my future." Chanyeol rolled his eyes. "The only investment I've actually made in my future was the tank of petrol I paid to drive home for that reunion." The look in his eye made Baekhyun blush. He took the offered coffee and put it down immediately to wrap himself against Chanyeol's body. Chanyeol was wearing only a pair of black sweatpants and the warmth of his bare chest against Baekhyun's cheek was heaven.

 

"How are we going to do this?" Baekhyun felt suddenly overwhelmed and blinked back tears as he clung tight to Chanyeol and the taller frowned down at him. "You're making this seem harder than it has to be. I love you. I want you here with me when I'm working. When I'm not working we'll go home." Chanyeol's words were sincere and sensible and like sweet honey in Baekhyun's ears. "I'll buy us a home Baekhyun. I'll build it near the creek or right behind the nursery. Wherever you want. I'll buy the nursery from you guys and I'll buy the bakery and the antique store and the whole fucking town if I have to...." Chanyeol trailed off as he thought hard. He would make it happen. Whatever Baekhyun needed Chanyeol was willing to give.

 

"But for now lets just take it one day at a time." Chanyeol said and suddenly laughed again and the sound was enough to break Baekhyun's melancholy mood. Chanyeol pulled the hem of the hoodie up and slipped his hand up inside the fabric and Baekhyun squealed at the feeling of his cold hands on his bare skin. "First we have to get you some clothes. I don't think I can take you out anywhere in just that hoodie.." The breakfast was forgotten momentarily as big hands roamed Baekhyun's warm bare skin and the two men became hungry for something more than coffee and toast.

 

They were interrupted by a knock at the door and Baekhyun panicked. "Someone's here!" he clung to Chanyeol and hid behind his body as Chanyeol chuckled. "It's just my Manager. I wanted him to come and meet you." Baekhyun looked down at his hoodie and his bare legs and Chanyeol just smirked. "I think you look fine." But he led Baekhyun to the bedroom. "Wait in here," he said as he got out towels and put them on the bed before going to open the door.

 

Suho was standing there with two big paper bags hanging from his arm. "You get what I asked for?" Chanyeol took the bags and looked in them before grinning. "Thanks. I owe you!" he returned to the bedroom and tossed the bags onto the bed. "I just got whatever size was on those." Chanyeol indicated Baekhyun's crumpled clothing still on the floor where they had discareded it the night before. "There's jeans, socks, boxers, shirts.." he upeneded the bags onto the bed and Baekhyun stared at the pile. "Suho has excellent taste. He likes things fancy but I told him you like plain so there should be something here that's okay."

 

He watched Baekhyun shift awkwardly as he stared at the pile of clothes. "Oh for fucks sake Baekhyun. There's nothing here overly expensive. God damn it." Chanyeol's frustrations suddenly bubbled out of him from the pit of his stomach. "Can you please just accept a gift? Don't you understand? I have money. Too much money. So much I could never spend it all." Tears of anger and frustration filled his eyes. "Money is all I have. I have this big fucking apartment that's just lonely and white and empty. I've got bank accounts loaded and nothing to spend it on. I have everything and yet I have nothing." He fell onto the bed on his back and stared at the roof. "I only want you. That's it. Please. Let me do things for you...." He finally let it all out. Everything he had been holding in finally rushed out of him.

 

"I know how you feel about accepting help. But I can help. Baekhyun I can pay someone to help in the nursery so you can stay here with me. I can pay for your Dad to have access to the best care so your Mum is less stressed. I can buy us a home, not here in the city but a real home at home, Baek I can do all those things and still barely make a dent."

 

Chanyeol's frustrations were rising by the second as he allowed himself to get angry. "I want to take you away on a holiday. I want to go to the jeweller and buy you a beautiful ring, fine and delicate, white gold and diamonds like you deserve. I want to put it on your hand and show the world how much I love you.But I know you wont let me do any of this."

 

 

"Chanyeol all I ever do is take from you. It's all I've ever done our whole lives. Aren't you tired of it yet?" Baekhyun stared at the floor as his toes buried themselves in the thick white shag rug.

 

 

Chanyeol rubbed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh that carried the weight of the world as he sat up and looked at Baekhyun's miserable expression. "You just don't get it do you? It's not about that. I'll give you everything I have Baekhyun and I hope you'll take it willingly. But you need to give back."

 

"I'll never get tired of giving. You never even asked me what I spoke to your Dad about." Tears filled Chanyeol's eyes as his emotions broke free. "He's scared. He's so scared that when he's gone you and your Mum will struggle and I promised him that as long as I was alive, no matter what happened between us, that I would never ever let that happen. I promised him I would always take care of you and I will."

 

"I want us to be together and I know you want that too but in the end your pride is going to make you try to throw this all away. So make a choice. Put the fucking jeans on and come out and meet Suho. Or sit here in that hoodie and sulk." Chanyeol got up off the bed and walked out leaving Baekhyun alone.

 

Baekhyun felt sheepish and embarrassed beyond belief. He'd never seen Chanyeol so quietly angry before and the worst part was he knew he was right. He knew that Chanyeol would give him the world if it was in his hands and it was time he learned to let him. It was time to start to give back.

 

He swallowed his pride and pulled the tags off a neat looking pair of jeans and a plain white tshirt before stepping into the shower.

 

 

 

Chanyeol smiled broadly as he saw Baekhyun creep out of the bedroom shyly. He looked fresh from his shower and his hair was still wet. The clothes fit him nicely and as he walked out of the room Chanyeol opened his arms and let him walk right into them. "Suho. I'd like you to meet the most beautiful, stubborn and infuriatingly wonderful person in the world. My love. Baekhyun." Suho held his hand out and Baekhyun untangled himself from Chanyeol's safe embrace to shake it and smile.

 

And when that soft smile lit his whole face from within Suho understood.


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

 

"Chanyeol! Chanyeol!" Fans and media screamed his name as his company SUV pulled up outside the TV studio. Chanyeol played his part as he smiled and waved to them as he got out the car. He leaned in and grabbed his old guitar and slipped his head through the strap so it hung across his back. He held his hand out and smiled reassuringly and Baekhyun grasped it tight and instantly felt better. He stepped carefully out of the big vehicle with Chanyeol's attentive assistance and squinted in the flash of a thousand cameras.

 

Chanyeol put his arm reassuringly around his shoulder and pulled him close to his big body protectively. "Just smile and give them a quick wave." He whispered and Baekhyun smiled nervously at the crowd. He lifted his hand in a quick gesture before Chanyeol pulled him even closer and they began to walk into the building. "That was kind of scary." Baekhyun whispered as they entered the backstage area and Chanyeol laughed. "You get used to it. Lots of things are scary. It doesn't mean they arent' worth doing!" A pink flush crept across Baekhyun's cheeks as he remembered the night before.

 

He knew Chanyeol understood that better than anyone. He was about to go out onto a sound stage and lay his most private emotions bare for the world to see. Suho had all but given up trying to get him to tow the line and Chanyeol was going to perform a new song for the first time. He had written it before Baekhyun came to him but had finished it off this morning and he knew it was amazing. It was authentic and honest and real. And as he squeezed Baekhyun's beautiful white hand in his he couldn't help but admire the sparkle of the fine diamond banded ring Baekhyun had let him put there that afternoon. It was perfect.

 

 

——-

 

 

" _Hey!" Chanyeol looked around to see where the sound was coming from and laughed when Baekhyun dropped lightly to the ground from above. He had continued their childhood habit of hanging out in the branches of the huge willow tree behind the nursery even though he was sixteen and at the age when childish things should be making way for more mature mannerisms._

_Baekhyun was still short and small, light and agile, and Chanyeol silently envied his friend's fine build. He had grown about eight inches in the last few months and his big hands and big feet and took up space he wasn't used to. He felt cumbersome, like he needed too much room, like he was a walking crash test dummy knocking into anything and everygthing he went too close to. He had to laugh as he imagined himself trying to lift his ungainly limbs and haul his suddenly big body into the branches of the tree. "What's so funny?" Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol just waved it off. "Nothing." He said as Baekhyun sank to the ground and Chanyeol sat next to him._

_"Here." He said and handed his friend a can of Coke and opened the other for himself. They quickly downed the cold cans of soft drink before they had a chance to get hot and flat. It was late summer and the heat in the middle of the day was thick and heavy all around them. The shade of the tree was a welcome respite and they lay in the sparse grass and fallen leaves covering the ground like a soft cool carpet._

_Baekhyun covered his eyes with his forearm and  Chanyeol lay next to him and for a long time no one spoke. Chanyeol rolled onto his side and watched the rise and fall of Baekhyun's chest and wondered if his friend had fallen asleep. Baekhyun moved his arm and saw Chanyeol staring at him and laughed at his weird friend's habit of eyeing him intensely. He was used to it now and he rolled towards him. "Yeol, where do you think we'll be in ten years?" he asked. "Do you think we'll still be here in this shitty town? Do you think we'll be married with kids and jobs and boring adult lives?"_

_He rolled back onto his back and stared up at the little patches of blue peeping through the thick leaves of the tree as it blew in the barely there breeze. "I think you'll be rich and famous! And I'll probably just be stuck here in this town doing the same old things." His eyes stared off into the future as the dappled sunlight flickered across his face and he was shaken from his musings by Chanyeol's suddenly loud laugh. "Baek can't we just lay here and forget the world?" he said and Baekhyun smiled to himself as he relaxed and closed his eyes again._

_Baekhyun looked over and silently admired his friend. He was so envious of his new and suddenly broad physique. Baekhyun now always felt  small and plain next to Chanyeol who was tall and manly and so grown up looking. He wondered what kind of man Chanyeol would become. He knew he would go on to be something special, someone wonderful, Baekhyun always knew that one day he would have to share Chanyeol with the world despite the other wanting to pretend it didn't exist._

_"Do you think we'll still be close like this?" Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol looked at him in surprise. "Of course we will Baek." He reached out and grabbed the smaller's soft white hand and squeezed it tight in his big warm grip. His fingers were thick and calloused from his constant plucking at the strings and he admired the contrast between their hands._

_He rubbed the back of Baekhyun's hand with his thumb and felt the smaller grip tighter and he wondered where they would be in ten years. He knew they would still be close, Chanyeol knew nothing would come between them, and he hoped they would be even closer. He hoped that somehow in the next ten years he would find the courage to confess his love and make Baekhyun his. Sing him love songs, build him a beautiful home near the creek, put a ring on his finger and tell the world how much he loved him._

_It was the only thing he really wanted and he couldn't imagine a future without Baekhyun at the centre._

 

 

 

—

 

Baekhyun stood side stage and when Chanyeol sang he got chills. He had been so worried about everything but now that he was here and it was happening it all felt so right. Somehow, despite the many bumps along the road, he had known all along it would lead him here. He turned his hand over and the flash of a thin band of diamonds lit up in his eyes. Chanyeol was right about that too. He thought he didn't need them but he thought wrong. There could be a place in his life for the easy, for the beautiful and the comfortable, things didn't always have to be so hard.

 

Chanyeol had known it all along. Chanyeol had always known what was best for Baekhyun even when he didn't know himself. It was time to let him show Baekhyun how to be happy.

 

He was ready to be happy. It was time to start over.


	34. epilogue

 

 

 

Baekhyun's socked feet slipped a little as he rushed across the dark wooden floor. He stumbled a little in his excitement as he ran towards the front door for his shoes. He slid his feet into the muddy sneakers and ran out the door and through the back gate of the nursery. He lingered just a little to admire the initials carved into the big tree that was now a part of his backyard and a soft smile crossed his face.

 

He turned back to admire the beautiful wooden home. It was two storey with a long balcony that ran the length of the top floor. Baekhyun's favourite thing to do was to sip his coffee in the morning and wander the length. He could see the nursery and the school, the bakery, and almost all the way to the creek.

 

But this morning had no space or time for casual musings. Chanyeol had been promoting his new album in the city for two weeks and even though it was number one on every single chart he had stuck to his guns. He was taking a holiday. He was picking Baekhyun up and driving him back to the city and they would fly out in the morning.

 

"Hey Mum!" Baekhyun called out to the beautiful woman smiling behind the counter. She smiled back and Baekhyun's slightly tense demeanour relaxed. "You excited?" She asked and Baekhyun grinned. He'd never been out of the country before and he had been begging Chanyeol every night on the phone to tell him where they were going. "Wish you'd change your mind and come with us!" Baekhyun said as he put his arm around her shoulder and she shirked him and gave him a gentle push. "The last thing I want to do is third wheel on your delayed honeymoon." She chuckled and they both suddenly fell silent.

 

Saying quiet vows outside under the old willow tree was the best thing they had ever done and Baekhyun would be forever grateful Chanyeol pushed them to do it before he lost his Dad. He had been gone for six months and he missed him every day but life went on and so did the Byuns. Life was tough but they were tougher. Like the deep initials carved into Baek they would endure.

 

"Are you sure you'll be fine without me?" Baekhyun's sense of responsibility hadn't been lost and his mum just laughed. "For the hundredth time Baekhyun. Yes." She picked up her tea and sipped it. "Anyway my cousin's son will be here in two days. He's going to stay in your room for a few weeks to see how he likes it and if it all goes well he'll get a house." Baekhyun sighed a little with trepidation. His second cousin, Luhan, was smart mouthed and lazy, but had run into what the family referred to as 'some trouble' in China. Apparently a stint in the country working in the nursery was an offer he couldn't refuse.

 

Baekhyun hoped he would make himself useful and be somewhat of a help to his Mum.

 

 

"I better be ready when Yeol gets here..." Baekhyun said as he hugged his Mum again and wandered the short distance home. He looked up at the enormous building. It was a little ostentatious, easily the biggest home in town, but Chanyeol wouldn't have it any other way. He made noises about them needing the space for their future children and so they could adopt a hundred dogs one day and Baekhyun had relented and let Chanyeol build him a palace in the sky. They divided their time between here and the city, mostly together and sometimes apart, and it just worked. Sometimes love is strong enough to withstand any distance.

 

He dragged his suitcase to the door and waited. It wasn't long before he heard the familiar sound of tyres on the gravel driveway and he opened the heavy front door. When Chanyeol stepped out of his car Baekhyun started to walk towards him it his excitement overwhelmed him and before he knew what was happening he began to run.

 

Chanyeol's arms were strong and muscular and always open to Baekhyun. He jumped into them and when he was surrounded by their warmth and security Baekhyun relaxed into the feeling. "Welcome home." He whispered into Chanyeol's chest. "Hello my love." Chanyeol whispered softly in return.

 

 

 

 

The drive to the city was filled with talk. Loud happy talk of Chanyeol's latest album, charts success, minor gossip and upcoming schedules. Joyful conversations of town news, the sale of the bakery and the impending arrival of Baekhyun's second cousin who he hoped would turn out to be useful. With conversation flowing easily the two hour drive passed by in a flash.

 

Baekhyun tried to grab his case from the car but Chanyeol slapped his hands away and grabbed it out like it was a paper bag. Baekhyun just let him. He knew by now that Chanyeol wasn't happy unless he was taking care of Baekhyun. Spoiling him, showing him off, treating him like he was precious. And Baekhyun would never admit it but he liked it. It made him feel wanted, cared for, and loved.

 

He knew how to love Chanyeol back. He knew the way to catch his eye, give him a sweet smile, admire him in the way that he adored. He knew that if he clung to Chanyeol in public the tall man's ears would get red on the tips and he would grin like a goofy idiot.

 

It was easy to love Chanyeol. And being loved by him was even easier.

 

 

"What do you want to do tonight?" Chanyeol asked quietly as they made their way inside the small apartment. The penthouse was long gone and they had made the cozy two bedroom their base in the city. It was warm and filled with thick rugs and potted plants and Chanyeol's guitar stood in pride of place next to a flat screen tv. "I know what I want to do tonight...." Baekhyun pressed his body against Chanyeol's and nibbles at his neck. "Tonight?" Chanyeol laughed. "How about now!" Baekhyun shrieked as he felt himself swooped up in Chanyeol's arms as the taller half carried him into the bedroom.

 

 

An hour later they were lazing languidly in a hot bath. The indoor spa was Baekhyun's only luxury request and as Chanyeol sank back in the warm water he was pleased with Baekhyun's insistence. "So really. What do you want to do tonight? We don't fly out until 9am so we could catch a movie or just order takeaway." Chanyeol said as he watched Baekhyun soap his body. "Suho invited us to this dinner with some people he wanted me to meet but I said no."

 

Baekhyun frowned at him. "Is it important?" He asked and Chanyeol shook his head. "Kind of. But I told him our honeymoon starts today. I'm serious. We've been waiting for this break for so long..." Chanyeol closed his eyes and when he opened them Baekhyun was getting out the bath. "Call him and tell him we'll be there Chanyeol." Baekhyun smiled as he wrapped himself in a towel. "We can spare a night if it's important." When he turned to Chanyeol with a soft expression the taller fell in love with him all over again. "We've got forever to be together Chanyeol."

 

 

Forever.

 

 

=====

 

 

 

Sehun frowned at his assignment. He needed stuff from the nursery and he really didn't feel like driving three towns over. But then he remembered Baekhyun and Chanyeol we're away and he grabbed his backpack and lost of items.

 

It had been a year and he had gotten over Baekhyun pretty quickly but he was still kind of embarrassed about the way he had behaved. It had taken hitting rock bottom to realise he had been so jealous of his brother that he would use someone like that. He had played with Baekhyun like he meant nothing. It was wrong and he still planned to apologise to them both one day. But not anytime soon. Sehun still had his pride.

 

He scowled as he walked into the nursery and grabbed a cart. He added potting soil, some seedling trays, some pipes and taps for a hydroponic system. He planned on doing a comparison between soil and hydroponic growth methods and he needed the right kind of fertilisers.

 

He looked around for Mrs Byun but she was nowhere to be seen. Sehun grumbled under his breath and headed towards the counter to find some assistance. Mrs Byun wasn't there either. Instead he found a stranger. A beautiful stranger with wide innocent doe eyes and skin that looked like it was carved from glass.

 

Sehun stood and stared and the stranger stared back. Finally Sehun croaked our some words through his strange newfound nerves. "I need some liquid fertiliser for a hydroponic system." The stranger just eyed him up and down and went back to looking at his phone. "Yeah, it's my first day, so I don't really have a clue..." he chewed his bottom lip as he focused on his mobile game and Sehun frowned at him.

 

"Rude." He said as he scowled and the stranger looked up at his sour expression. "What?" He said and Sehun's frown deepened further. "I said YOU'RE RUDE.." he thundered, a little louder than he expected, and the stranger yelled back. "SO ARE YOU. Rude little shit..." He went back to his phone but Sehun could see the flush on his cheeks.

 

"Hey. Who are you to call me that. I'm not little..." Sehun's pout proved his words wrong and the stranger began to laugh. "You're definitely younger than me so show some respect."

 

"Respect is earned." Sehun said and the stranger found himself nodding in agreement. "So. What's your name? So I know who I'm telling on when I go to Mrs Byun about her ride employee." Sehun's scowl had broken a little at the sight of the cute man in front of him and a rare smile was threatening to break free from his lips.

 

"Me? I'm Luhan and I live here now. Mrs Byun is my Aunty, kind of, and she loves me so good luck trying to get me in trouble." The smirk on his face was adorable and Sehun felt a crack melt into his cold heart.

 

"Ok Luhan. I won't tell on you if you do me a favour in return." Sehun smiled and he noticed Luhan blush a little and his heart fluttered as he realised he might have a chance.

 

"Let me take you out for dinner tonight." Sehun waited for the response and when it came he was surprised and a little excited.

 

"Sure. But only if you promise you won't be so rude all night."

 

===

 

I wasn't sure how this was going to go. I feel like I put the weight of expectancy even higher on myself with each book and it's a lot of pressure. But that's who I am. I always knew this wasn't going to be a roller coaster ride of events. The heart of this story is the emotions and it turned out to be probably my second or third favourite work.

 

My first favourite will always be Hearts Adjacent in case you were wondering. I love that story like it's my baby. I don't know why but I feel like my Seventeen stories are always better than my EXO stories but maybe that's just because hardly anyone reads them so I feel more like I'm writing just for myself.

 

I was inspired by two things to write this story. Obviously the song 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. My other inspiration was the MV for 'Violet' by Pentagon and if you haven't seen it please please please go watch the video it's beautiful and Pentagon are perfection.

 

  

 

 

Thanks for your support

 


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